I suppose the question I want to pose is this: How do you know when you’re happy? How do you differentiate happiness from a state of contentment?
So I have determined that it’s easier to ignore people’s reactions rather than deal with them head on.
Unexpectedly my Mum phoned a few nights ago and asked me if I was happy. Taken by surprise, I was unsure how to respond. I told her I’m content - not happy but not sad. She took it the wrong way and we started a philosophical conversation on how do you actually know what true happiness is and do you make yourself happy or is that happiness dependent on someone else. It’s nothing unusual for us to begin conversations that most people would find odd between mother and daughter. But her reaction to what I said was what surprised me, she told me that she wasn’t really happy either and that she’s going to change that, following which she asked me how I was going to change my state of contentment to happiness. I have no idea. So I ignored what she said and since she said it, I’ve thought of little else. I don’t actually have any reason not to be happy but life is just at a standstill at the moment.
I can’t pin-point why I feel the way I do, but I think it has to do with how things ended with Cory.
I know for certain that this emotional state I’m in at the moment has nothing to do with not beginning something more than just emotional with him. Just I need to know why he was such a bastard to me. I treated him like a prince - I left my friends to be with him whenever he called and not once did he drop shit to come be with me. Some best friend I turned out to be - if that’s how he treats a friend, I’d hate to be someone he disliked. Six years later and I’ve lost a friendship that I’m beginning to realise I never had.
I’ve started doubting everything I know about myself and who I am - now I’m wondering when this is going to end?
I suppose the question I want to pose is this: How do you know when you’re happy? How do you differentiate happiness from a state of contentment?
I love how this was all sparked from a 10 minute conversation with my Mum. Ah, even so, I love her nevertheless and would do anything for her.
