Firstly, a very happy new year to you! It’s the beginning of 2012 and you’re probably brimming with enthusiasm, full of resolutions and promises to yourself. How many of you have let them slide already? Have you already said “whoops, today didn’t go so well, I’ll start tomorrow now!”

Tomorrow never comes! Don’t start off the year in such a way; if you do, you’re doomed to fail before you’ve barely begun. Do you let other people down in the same way you do yourself?

Whether it be the first day of the new year or any other time, you must find a way to start and continue with the same energising vibe that put the idea in your head in the first place.

This is why it is the perfect time to hire a Life Coach. With resolutions come responsibility. The responsibility is to yourself but if you have a tendency to give up on yourself quickly then the ideal way to make sure you keep going is to have someone take the journey with you.

Back when I first started coaching I got myself a Life Coach. She was someone who kept me on the straight and narrow, and she made sure I did all the things I said I wanted to do.

The desires in my head and heart gradually became aligned with my actions.

That is one of the toughest parts of life, actually doing what your head and heart wants. Don’t let the little excuses stop you from really moving forward with your life.

Don’t let the little distractions keep you away from doing the things you really want to. You can skip watching TV for a bit. You can still meet up with your friends but make sure you’ve done something towards your goal. Get your homework done first!

That’s just the beginning but, if you’re really serious about making a difference in your life in 2012, and you don’t want to be making the same resolutions again in 2013 then you need a Life Coach and here are 20 reasons why you should hire me.

1. If you sign up with me in January coaching is half price! Instead of Paying £225 for 3 sessions you just pay £112.50. Further sessions will be at the normal rate.

2. If you’re already a client or if you’ve had coaching with me in the past, and if after the month of January you recommend anyone to me you’ll get a 50% referral fee. (Not to mention lots of good karma!)

3. I’m cheaper than an iPad. A bit of retail therapy can make anyone feel better but the effects are usually short lived. It you truly want to feel better for a longer term then Life Coaching is the way to go.

4. When you stray from your resolutions I’ll be there to keep you honest.

5. It will be the cheapest invest in improving your life you’ll ever make.

6. Combine the enthusiasm from new years with the inspiration and incentives you’ll get from me and you’ll will become an unstoppable force.

7. Coaching is cheaper and safer than a boob job or penis enlargement. Would you like to boost your confidence? Coaching has the potential to do a lot more for you than cosmetic surgery.

8. Life Coaching is cheaper than a holiday (and the effects will last longer) The problem with a holiday is that it ends. The coaching process gives you a gift you take away with you for life.

9. You will find it much easier to overcome the obstacles you face when striding towards your goals.

10. You’ll learn that happiness is just a state of mind. It doesn’t come from the events that happen outside of you, only from what you think within.

11. You’ll learn how to be in the moment and take yourself away from the worries of the past and future and just be now. Because that is what you are. Your essence is this moment.

12. I’ll help you acquire the tools to make you more resilient to the things in life that can bring you down.

13. As a bonus I’ll also help you with your public speaking sills and confidence.

14. If you like someone and you’ve never ever had the courage to tell them then what you need is a love doctor like me! I can help you get the confidence to ask out someone you’ve always liked.

15. If you’ve lacked the social confidence to meet new people and make new friends then coaching with me is the perfect way to change that. I can help you crack that shell and help you break out of the prison that has kept people from finding out about the real you.

16. Coaching is fun and liberating. After just one session with me you will see a world of new possibilities. As one of coaching clients said: “Lord Alan Sugar should hire me.”

17. I always give my all. When you take up coaching with me you have access to me whenever you want. I don’t restrict the number of times we can call or email each other. You’ll get plenty of support from me in between sessions. I’ll never just leave you in the lurch.

18. You get my refund guarantee. If we don’t achieve the goals you want you get a full refund or we continue for free until we do. I don’t know of a single other coach who offers this promise or who will aim to get you where you want to go within 3 sessions. I haven’t failed yet and I have no intention of starting.

19. Your whole life will change after having coaching with me. You will start to see life with new eyes and you’ll begin to see it as an adventure.

20. As a coach I am definitely one of a kind. I have not had an easy life but using everything I’ve learned about personal development I have then applied to make life better. I’ve been on TV, I’ve worked on movies, I’m a radio presenter, I do charity work, I give inspirational talks, I plucked up the courage to become a stand-up comedian, I’ve written two e-books, this is the longest running personal development blog in the UK and almost the world, All my work is copyright free, I’ve lost lots of weight, I’ve become fit, I’ve run two half marathons, I’m going to be running the marathon, I’ve helped countless people change their lives, I met celebrities and given them coaching too and despite all the set backs I’ve had, I’m still here, still forging ahead, leaving my legacy and doing my part to change the world for the better. If all of that is not enough for you then of course cosmetic surgery is still an option!

Get in touch with me today and hire me as your life coach, you have nothing to lose and absolutely everything to gain!

After quite a long sabbatical, I recently started Life Coaching again.

I originally cut back on my coaching because I found that a few years ago that the market got saturated with people wanting to become Life Coaches.

I think that the bubble has burst, and those people who just entered because they wanted to make a quick buck, have now moved onto to the next fad (probably social media marketing). That means us real coaches can get back and do what we do best.

I’ve had some wonderful experiences with my clients recently and I’m in the process of gathering testimonials for the page.

The most recent one was from a young man called Suraj who had a massive breakthrough with me just after one session and felt like he didn’t need me any more. That’s my one problem as a coach, sometimes I’m too good!

So, if you feel like you would to be coached, my process and fee breakdown is really simple. Just click here to find out more.

I’m Also In The Market For A Coach

I also am currently looking for a fantastic coach. Someone who is miles ahead of me and can really get me to the next level. I’ve met so many coaches over the years and so far not a single one has really fit the bill.

Are you up for the challenge? I warn you, I will probably be one of the toughest clients you will ever take on.

Wait – Why Does A Coach Need A Coach?

I feel like I’ve stagnated a bit recently and I want to make sure I continue moving forward; that I don’t lose the momentum and I continue to make strides and complete every endeavour that I wish to complete.

I can push myself, but I think having someone there to keep me accountable will be of huge benefit.

I also have seen first hand the kind of results I’ve had with people but I’ve never met anyone who’s had the same kind of impact on me, but if you think you have what it takes, I’m taking pitches so just get in touch and let me know.

I’m keeping this one short but I’ll leave you with my favourite song at the moment that really gets me on a high, yes, it’s the return of, The Return Of The Mack. A cover by Mann Ft Snoop Dogg.

The Daddy-Mack of Life Coaches is back!

To be idle is a short road to death and to be diligent is a way of life; foolish people are idle, wise people are diligent. – Buddha

I heard on the news somewhere recently that, since the economic downturn, antidepressant usage has gone up. I don’t know about you but, ironically, I find that news quite depressing.

Point blank, I think antidepressants are dolled out too easily. I’ve heard stories of people being prescribed them even after telling their doctor that they were just feeling a bit down.

They didn’t even ask for them, they were just given them as if they were sweets.

Everyone feels low at some point and most people have had a bout of depression. For the most part, it’s short lived and eventually burns itself out. Some people have slightly longer bouts and have them frequently.

Causes and Cures

What those people don’t realise is that the prime cause is remaining unoccupied, or a word I prefer to use, being idle.

I know there are people out there who do have ‘clinical’ depression but there are many people who could be lifted out of mild forms of depression very easily.

There is a simple solution to this and it’s called Life Coaching.

I strongly believe that even with just a few minutes of Life Coaching people can be brought out of that state of feeling low, even depression, with a few simple questions and by getting to the root cause.

And therein lies the main flaw of anti-depressants. They only solve the problem temporarily. How? By producing the chemicals that make people feel better short term. They do not get to the root cause and give people long term relief.

By Jove, I think we may have stumbled upon something there!

If people could be made to ‘feel better’ using other means, that should mean that anti-depressants would no longer be needed!

Whenever I’ve felt low, there’s usually been a very simple reason. I’ve allowed myself to become idle and wallow in what’s wrong with my life.

I’ve also noticed a pattern whereby, the people who tell me that they’re depressed, often feel that way because they are idle for much of the time.

They’ve gotten into the habit of doing nothing and allowing their minds to get into the habit of thinking about life’s flaws instead of the wonderful things life has to offer.

I’ve rarely have heard anyone who is proactive tell me that they feel low or depressed. It’s because they’re keeping their mind and body active doing the things they enjoy.

Even if it’s just sitting in the garden sipping their favourite beer whilst watching the game, at least they’re doing what they enjoy.

As soon as I turn myself around and become proactive, I start to feel better. Movement creates the same chemicals as anti-depressants.

Mask and Root Cause

That however, could still mask the real issue. People often drown themselves in something like work or going to the gym to forget. Once they stop, they go back to exactly where they were.

The process of getting to the root cause make take a bit more work but can just as easily be accomplished.

I’ve even surprised myself at how many people I’ve help to lift out of depression by some very simple coaching.

Getting to the root cause isn’t that difficult. You don’t even have to be a Tony Robbins to do it. Most of it is accomplished on it’s own, even the coach has an easy job if it. All they need to do is ask the right questions and let the client eventually reveal their own map of why they feel low.

The process of Life Coaching could save the health service quite a bit of money. We’d even help the economy.

There is even such a thing as self coaching. If you’re feeling low and you’ve been to your doctor and they’ve offered you anti-depressants, before you take them, just go through a few simple motions, if it doesn’t work, fine take the pills.

Steps:

Questions To Ask Yourself

1. Why am I feeling low? What was the cause? What triggered it?
2. Over time, will I eventually get through this?
3. What can I do right now to feel better? (Except take anti-depressants.)

Actions:

Things To Do

1. Move around
2. Get active and do something. Get someone to push you in a shopping trolley! (Always works for me!)
3. Get out and meet friends or new people. A stroll in the park will get you in the right direction.

Are you in a position of leadership and do you have to get people to take action? How easy do you find it?

Do you have to repeatedly ask your subordinates to fulfil their duty? Or is once all it takes? I’ve recently seen first hand that there are two very different ways to get people to take action.

In both the methods I’m about to describe, there are many flavours in each type, but I’m just going to briefly highlight the two differing methods.

Method i) Asking/telling someone or using some form of coercion.

Method ii) Getting people inspired to take action, i.e. pushing the right button that puts them in touch with their own power to act.

1. Asking or Telling

In my opinion, a terrible way of getting people to take action is to tell them. Nobody likes to be told what to do. It makes people feel resentful and takes away any of the joy from the doing. Asking is not much better however, there are times when it is necessary to ask.

The worst way is any form or coercion. A quick example is ‘do this or you lose your job’. It brings out the worst in others, however, there is a minor exception to the rule. The only time I see this as a good thing is in the format of military training or even high level sports training.

It’s often a case of complete what you’ve been assigned or you face a punishment; a punishment used at motivation. Only in this context can be quite effective but I don’t think it’s everyone’s cup of tea.

Ultimately though, the crux is that this method is primarily based upon fear. It’s a tool that uses an emotion within us that isn’t conducive to fruitful results and long term, will yield poor results.

Inspiring

Inspiring people to take action is a totally different kettle of fish. When you reach into a person, find the right button to push, *insert innuendo here* or you pull the right lever to get leverage, it can be extremely powerful.

You only have to briefly look at what’s going on in the middle east to see the kind of ripple inspiration can have and the momentum it has too.

Just think, you don’t have to ever ask that person to do anything. Both you and they know what needs to be done, but you communicate with them in a way which reaches the part that really speaks to them.

The real power comes from the ‘why‘. When you give people a purpose and a cause. It has a driving effect, in the same way as fear, but will yield a totally different set of results.

There is a third option which is a combination of the military training I described and inspiring people. It’s like being the leader of a nation. Moving your people to act. Through this method you have respect and discipline and people acting our or being inspired rather than obligation and fear.

If you can find the right balance between the two it can be a truly powerful force and you will almost be able to get people to do anything.

People don’t respect, or lose respect for those who do not effectively communicate with them to get them to take action.

I would so much rather have people respect me for bringing out the best in them rather than getting them to do my bidding through a culture of fear.

We are all plagued with lethargy or procrastination at some point. For some, it’s just temporary bouts which are short lived. For others it’s more frequent and can last for a few days at a time.

There is no magic cure for that behaviour, or lack thereof, there are only new habits that can be ingrained. If you suffer from it, there is a way of breaking that pattern, and that is taking a 30 minute chunk of your day and see what you can push yourself to accomplish.

I believe it’s possible to achieve in 30 minutes what the average person completes in an average day. Rarely do we push ourselves to see what we can really do.

When I started writing this I switched on my countdown timer to see if I could write this whole post, finished and edited in 30 minutes. I’ll write at the very end how I did.

Push yourself to see what you can do in 30 minutes. Once you’ve done it, reward yourself and take the rest of the day off. Then make it a habit. Maybe even do this exercise a few times a day.

Just think how much you could do if you pushed yourself to do a full day’s worth in 30 minutes, and then you repeated that a few times a day, imagine what you could accomplish?!

Life is very short. It drifts by very quickly, and before you know it, you may hit a point in your life where you’ll look back and ask, where did all the time go? Start making inroads now to do all the things you really want to!

Here’s a list of 32 things you can try…(pay particular attention to number 15)

1. If you don’t have a job and are looking, apply for 15 jobs
2. If you are a blogger and are short of time, see what you can come up with in 30 minutes.
3. If you are a song writer, see what you can create
4. If you write books see if you can write a whole chapter
5. If you enjoy TV see how many facts you can absorb
6. If you work in an office do your regular days work in 30
7. If you are on twitter tweet 100 new people and just say hello
8. If you do comedy come up with 5 jokes
9. If you are a swimmer do 100 laps in 30 minutes
10. If you are a runner see if you can run 3 miles; that’s 10 minutes per mile
11. If you have a car see how far you can go
12. If you are a speaker see if you can write a full speech
13. If you’ve never been to the gym go and see if you can do 30 minutes of exercise
14. If you are a student see if you can revise your entire syllabus
15. If you have nothing at all do write a list of possible things you could do in 30 minutes…in 30 minutes
16. If you are a social bunny see how many new people you can connect with
17. If you are a tidy freak see if you can do one room…or the entire house!
18. If you are an entrepreneur create a new product
19. If you are a web designer work your magic and whip up something fresh
20. If you are in a band see how many gigs you can get booked for
21. If you’re a photographer see how many unique snaps you can take
22. If you’re a magician see how many tricks you can do
23. If you’re a manager see how many compliments you can pay to your staff
24. If you’re a critic see how many things you can review
25. If you’re a music producer see if you can make a fresh beat….and sell it!
26. If you’re a gadget blogger see how many gadgets you can review
27. If you love nature go for a walk and see how many creatures and plants you can spot
28. If you’re a student give yourself a 30 minute deadline to write a CV or cover letter
29. If you’re touched by the scenes in Japan see how much money you can raise
30. It’s comic relief this week; see what fun thing you can do to raise money within that time
31. See how much junk you can de-clutter from your abode
32. Surf the net and find out as much about a culture.

There we have it, I managed to get more than 30. In total, this whole post took me about 35 minutes. What can you do? Share your results.

I received a very interesting piece of mail from a reader recently that really caught my attention.

I don’t normally do relationship advice, but since it was valentines day recently, I thought I’d give this one a shot!

It was such a simple, yet very common, and a very powerful question that definitely needs addressing. I welcome you to share your input also in the comments.

Here is the question I received:

Hey Amit, I just found your blog and you give some wonderful advice. I also noticed on your twitter you refer to yourself as a love doctor! I have a question for you though and from what I could see in your relationships section, it’s not something that you’ve addressed. My question is why do I seem to keep going for, and falling for, the wrong type of guy? I meet some amazingly nice guys who, on paper seem like keepers, but I just don’t feel attracted to them. Then I meet these guys who I know will be bad for me and I just can’t help but fall for them. What’s wrong with me? Am I crazy? Is there something wrong with me? Why don’t I like these nice guys? Why do I seem to instantly fall for the kind of guy who I know is going to break my heart and cause me so much pain?

Here’s my answer:

First things first; no, you’re not crazy! Countless women ask the same question yet they will continue to pursue the same course of action again and again.

They’ll meet a man, he won’t treat them very well, yet he’ll give off something which makes the woman feel attracted to him. It will be intoxicating for the woman.

Logic Vs Biology

She won’t be able to resist. Logic and reasoning will not work. Once you’ve fallen under your own spell, once those chemicals have triggered that addiction within you, it’s very hard to escape.

I’m going to elaborate on that but before I continue, I just want to say, I’m definitely no relationship expert, never have I claimed to be, anything I offer you here is sheer opinion and nothing else.

As I said, logic and reasoning won’t work here, but for the sake of clarity, I’m going to explain why you go for these guys; but since the logical part of your brain is not as powerful as the chemical reactions going on, it won’t change your pattern of behaviour.

Why don’t you like nice guys? Simple, they do not trigger a fix that your body needs. They do behave in a way which comes across as taboo to you. Your body, over the years has now become conditioned to want to experience something particular when it comes to men.

You’re going to have to tell me more about your past relationships be able to get to the root of when this all began.

When you meet a bad boy, the kind of guy you know you shouldn’t go out with, it’s sparks a chemical reaction that your body likes. It’s a bit like a drug. In the same way that people can become addicted to pain killers, you’re now addicted to this chemical reaction.

It’s almost like when you can’t have something, you want it even more!

It’s pure biology and nothing else. It’s different for guys, they can have a very simple fix, they can masturbate. It’s pretty much the pinnacle of what guys experience. There are levels, but not quite like the levels women have.

For a woman, an orgasm is not really as powerful on it’s own. Guys can provide something for women that is much more powerful, a challenge! When a woman feels love for a man and it is not reciprocated, it’s sparks something, they ask why? It creates drama.

It creates pain and as counter-intuitive as it may sound, this pain is often very pleasurable on an unconscious chemical level.

Overwriting

Some people might say that this is totally by design, and I agree, however, it doesn’t always have to be this way. I’ll give you a great example. I was speaking with a friend recently who had an arranged marriage. When she first met and married her husband, she had no feelings towards him whatsoever.

In fact, she also used to go for the bad boy, but she decided to engross herself in her faith and opted to have an arranged marriage. Now, she loves her husband with all her heart. They have children together and have a wonderful relationship. It was her power of choice and her decision to live consciously that made her want to take a completely different path.

I also have friends who are in the same boat as you and also always choose the wrong kind of guy.

So the big question is of course, what can be done about it?

Go get an arranged marriage! Okay, maybe that isn’t the answer however, what I’m about to say you may not like.

Firstly, you need to recognise the truth of what is going on. You need to understand this concept of the biological processes that are happening without your knowing.

Recognition is the first step. Once you’ve recognised what is going on you can break the pattern sooner. If you do get to interrupt it in time then you’re a position where you can start thinking more consciously. You will be able to bring a little bit of logic into the equation.

Making a decision is the next step. In the example of the friend I mentioned earlier, she made a conscious decision to choose a different path. She is a testament to what is possible.

I believe the woman who is patient enough for the attraction to kick in, especially when it doesn’t happen straight away, is the one who will always come out on top.

Now lets take this to a deeper, level.

If you keep on saying to yourself and everyone around you, that you always fall for the wrong type of guy, you’re also programming yourself to continue the same behaviour.

Once a program is written, it’s difficult to rewrite so it’s best to overwrite. Instead of saying “I’ll never meet mister right”, say “bad boys are so good for me”.

The next step is to become totally at ease with who you are; even your shortcomings. If you can totally accept who you are now, and love yourself, regardless of whether you are constantly going for the wrong type of guy, you open yourself to an entire universe of possibilities. You will meet a nice guy who exudes the bad boy stuff that you like.

Ask yourself, “up until now, what’s the void I’ve been trying to fill?” What is it exactly that you’ve been getting from these bad boys? What have they been giving you that you’ve needed? Each of these men have served their purpose in some way for you. What need within you have they fulfilled?

Lastly, I just want to briefly talk about love. Even when you meet mister right, and you have a deep and meaningful soul connection with them, doesn’t mean that it’s always going to flawless and smooth and always wonderful, you’re still going to face incredible challenges which will enable you to grow; an experience that every human needs.

I hope I’ve addressed your question in some way, but there is no easy fix. It’s up to you choose an alternate path.

There are plenty of people who come here and leave comments and I’m sure they will also be able to offer some insights that will steer you in a direction that you would prefer to go in.

Any other ladies out there who were in similar situations? What did you do?

Good luck on your quest!

P.S.

Nice guys, don’t pay too many compliments to women; don’t be a needy guy; don’t call them all the time. If you’re behaving this way from a place of fear, that is, you’re doing it because you feel that if you don’t you won’t get her, then you’re acting from a place of fear and less likely to be attractive to the opposite sex. You’ve gotta learn to be cool, hang back and be the man you are meant to be.

Personal development can be a fickle world. One minute everyone is talking about goals, and the next everyone is saying don’t have goals – just live according to your moment to moment inspiration.

So my question to you is are you living according to your heart or the voices of all the writers, bloggers and personal development guru’s drowning out your own wisdom? Is your gut feeling being gutted out by information overload?

I’ve had the virus of listening to what others had to say, but listening to those voices created a virus within me. It was the virus of guilt. I felt like I had to do what I was being told in order to fit in with the crowd.

It stems from the playground mentality. The mentality of not wanting to the one left out. However, the person who thinks for themselves end up being the leader of the pack rather than a follower.

It’s not because they want to be the leader, but that their power of their natural ability to follow their own voice makes them naturally attractive to others.

Think for yourself. Make your own mind up. Don’t just follow the crowd, be a rebel who makes his/her own path.

Here are some examples of where I’ve made up my own mind.

Sleep

There is a general consensus that one must wake up early. Why? I don’t necessarily agree. While I think there are health benefits to waking up early there are also drawbacks. Being locked in a routine often means that disruption from that routine can cause problems.

When I was in India for a month, I was only sleeping about 3 hours a night, and having a brief nap in the afternoon. Because I was flexible it didn’t affect me. I choose not to follow a set routine. Just think; if you are in set routine and suddenly you have to go away for a weekend to another country? How will that affect your routine?

Waking up naturally offers far more benefits and out weighs the pro’s of being an early riser. Sleep as much as you want and wake up when you want. If you want to set yourself a routine go for it.

Food

I’ve been a vegetarian my entire life and a few years back I tried going vegan but I found it too difficult. So, I continued to eat small amounts of cheese but I mainly stuck to organic products. Then I realised that I really liked the taste of fish so I gave it a go!

“Omg, Amit, that’s blasphemy in the personal development world!” Yes, I know, so sue me!

I loved it but strangely, one day, I saw some sushi in a supermarket and it suddenly put me off fish. But last year I started eating it again. I find it helps, especially when training, to increase strength and make my joints more supple. I don’t eat it all the time, just occasionally when I feel like it.

I also went through a phase where I was only eating organic produce. Then, again while I was in India, I realised I didn’t have that luxury. I could only eat what was given to me. Because of my situation I even started drinking coffee just while I was there. I was a beggar and I couldn’t be a chooser.

Because I’d adopted a flexible attitude I didn’t mind. I didn’t chastise myself just because I broke the coffee vow I’d made four years prior.

Eat whatever you wish. Create your own diet plan that suits you.

Exercise

Are you doing the sport you really want or are you doing the easy, yoga type, sports because that’s what you think you should be doing? Aggressive sports are not for our kind. Bull! You do whatever you want because you enjoy it.

I love badminton and it’s a sport filled with ego! Yet when my ego comes into play I am a better player. If my opponent has touched a nerve and has ignited my ego that makes me play that much harder!

I tried doing Tai Chi for a short time and it was in a park too. It was great but I realised it wasn’t for me. I didn’t enjoy it so I gave it up. Why do something you don’t enjoy? Be true to yourself and make sure you’re doing things you want to and not because you’re being told to.

—

Don’t lie to yourself, be true to your wishes and gut feelings.

What things have you done in the past because you thought you ‘should’ be doing them? Share you thoughts.

…Or at any other crucial moment!)

There we were…down 21-20 and it was my serve. It was hot! A bead of sweat trickled off my brow ridge into my eye. I flinched momentarily but stayed focussed. My serve went wide onto the line and was an ace…we went on to win the match.

Whether it be during a penalty shootout at the World Cup or match point at Wimbledon, there are times when most of us will be in a nervy situation and the outcome will be dependant on whether our nerves will hold out for that crucial moment in order to scoop victory!

The big question is of course, how can we develop nerves of steel so that we don’t crack during the moments where it really counts? How can we steady our nerves and be unaffected by minor distractions or hesitate on our split second decisions which cause those upsets?

There are 7 ways to do it so that the next time you taking a penalty for a shootout at the World Cup, putting on the eighteenth, or serving for the match at Wimbledon (or preparing to play Operation after your dinner party and you want a steady hand) you will be unaffected by the occasion and it will seem just like a practice session for you.

1. Preparation

If you don’t prepare of those situations up front then when you get there you won’t be ready. You won’t understand how to cope when it comes to real deal. Do a dress rehearsal.

2. Concentration

A skill that needs to be honed. Can you cope with noise around you or do you feel like looking around and asking people to shut up? Can you drown out the background sounds and increase the volume of your inner voice?

3. Breath

The fastest way of getting focussed is controlling your breathing. If you are shaking then stop, take a few deep breaths, and then continue.

4. Eyes

If you have an opponent, don’t be afraid to look them in the eyes. Don’t you sense the fear in the opponents that keep their eyes down? Stare you opponent dead in the eye!

5. Failure

If failure is in your mind expect to fail. Step up your thinking and focus at the task at hand.

6. Winning

Don’t get ahead of yourself and focus on winning. If you let the arrogance slip in you may have your backside handed to you on a plate. Bring it back to this moment.

7. Heart

At the crunch moment your heart will race and your success will depend on how much of your heart you put into getting that ball into the back of the net.

So, whether it be you taking the crucial penalty in a shootout, making the serve on match point, putting in the ball on the eighteenth, remember these 7 key ways to develop nerves of steel.

My latest post is up over at Live Bold And Bloom and is called A Quick Guide To Paradoxical Intention. It is a very powerful technique for overcoming some conditions and that many of us suffer from. It’s easy and simple to learn and can be used at any time. Pop over and leave your thoughts and comments and even any success stories. If you’re not sure how to apply it to your situation get in touch and we can work through it together.

Editors Note: This is a fantastic guest post by Eduard Ezeanu of People Skills Decoded.

Imagine your boss like your pet. He may, unlike your pet, have the ability to think consciously, but like your pet, most of his decisions and actions are probably automatic ones, based on the stimuli he gets from the environment.

By managing these stimuli, especially the one you can manage the best (that would be…you), you can influence the way your are treated by your superiors in a way, you could say that you can train him. Thus, you can make an average boss a good one and a terrible boss a tolerable one, at least long enough for you to get another job or start your own business.

Coaching people into improving their communication skills and propelling their careers, I realized there are a couple of things you can do to train your superiors which work almost universally, and are worth applying by anyone. Here they are:

1. Choose an open-minded boss. Just like the right dog can be trained much easier than the wrong one, so can the right boss. This is why it’s important to start with the best foot forward, when you accept a job. And you do this by choosing the one where you have the most open-minded boss, which you have the best chances to influence.

Don’t hope for some exact science in identifying him; there isn’t any. The most important point is that during the interviewing process, you will also get at least one interview with your potential future manager. When you get this chance, don’t just answer his questions. Use it to ask him some of your own question, to challenge him, see how he thinks and how he reacts to opinions divergent from his own.

2. Make it clear what you want. Most bosses can’t support their employees even if they want to. Because they have no real idea what their employees want. And to a large extent, it’s the employees’ problem, because they do a lousy job at communicating what they want.

If you wish your superior to help you, you must get your wants across, and do it in a very clear way. “I want to be successful and enjoy my career” is NOT a clear want. You need to get much clearer than this, and communicate to them specific career paths you’re interested in, specific project you want to get involved in etc.

3. Reward them. When you want your dog to repeat a good deed, you reward him for it. Bosses work very much the same way. It’s important for your boss to see that certain positive behaviours towards you, like allowing you to leave early one day, will have a positive consequence, like you write a terrific report the next day, for which they can take credit.

And the consequence must not be positive for you in the first place, but for him as a manager. If it only stops at you, you’re going nowhere. Also, keep in mind that your manager may not see a certain positive thing as a consequence of specific behaviour of his. It’s your responsibility to point it the link, using either direct or more subtle methods.

4. Go above his head. This is a big no-no in most companies. But do you know why? Because it works! Going above your boss’s head is often a great way to get what you want and build some authority in his eyes. Sure, he might get pissed off initially, but he will understand you have power, and this is the most important thing.

So, if your manager will not support an idea you have but you know his boss might, go to his boos and talk to him about it. Then come back to your boss and tell him his boss supports the idea. Ideally, if you know you boss is likely to reject your idea, get the support of his boss first, then go talk to him.

With the right communication strategy, a lot of courage and good people skills, there is a lot you can influence in the workplace. And if your boss still seems just too hard to train, maybe it’s time to consider looking for a better one.

Eduard Ezeanu is a communication coach with an attitude-based approach. He helps others to improve people skills they find relevant and get top notch results. He also writes on his blog, People Skills Decoded. You can also follow him on Twitter.

In day to day life there are certain situations which will arise that will require you to be at your best. Things will come along to test your resolve and I believe preparation is the key to making it through these events; relatively unscathed. There will always be an element of surprise that you can never predict but you can still put yourself in the right frame of mind to cope appreciate the unexpected and take it in your stride.

I’ve devised an enlightened set of 7 kick-ass mini-meditations, if you will, which have helped steer me well in times of adversity or that have helped keep me balanced and in check.

1. At Crucial Turning Points

Enlightened Thought: No matter the outcome, I will remain happy.

This enlightened thought has helped me immensely through some challenging times. It is particularly useful when dealing with erratic thoughts with regard to something that hasn’t happened yet. It could be waiting on a decision for a job interview or in my case, waiting to find out if I’ve got a speeding ticket or not! Whatever the scenario, just say the above incantation to yourself and know that it is out of your hands, all you can do is remain happy.

2. At Social Events

Enlightened Thought: I don’t have to be anything except be Amit Sodha.

Yes, you can pretend to be me or where I’ve entered my name, replace it with yours. This is particularly useful when in intimidating social settings. Maybe you’re surrounded by celebrities or top business people. Either way, this is a very powerful thought to have. This is also a good one if you’re a man intimidated by beautiful women and you end up doing silly things on dates or trying too hard. Just say this to yourself over and over again as a good reminder to relax and just be you.

3. Surrounded By People

Enlightened Thought: Am I the influencer, or the influencee?

If you are often in environments where you’re surrounded by a certain kind of negative energy, you’ve got to be real and ask yourself: Am I the influencer or the influencee? It will quickly make you realise your place in that setting and set you on the right path. The phrase ‘you’re a bad influence on me’ is often used in jest but the truth is that I know where I’d rather be in that equation. I want to be the influencer always.

4. In Competitive Scenarios

Enlightened Thought: I’m not here to win, I’m here to play my best.

Winning is a powerful mindset but the antithesis is, of course, the fear of losing. If not properly channeled the fear of losing can take over. I would genuinely rather lose and play well than to win easily. Winning easily to me is not fulfilling so when I play someone equal to, or better than me, I appreciate the challenge and remember that the winning part is not the victory to me, it is playing my best with dignity.

5. Under Fire

Enlightened Thought: Not everyone will understand my intentions.

I’m a firm believer that you can’t be liked by or please everyone. Not everyone will understand the actions you take or the reasons you do so. When coming under fire for making such decisions you may face resistance and even be tempted to sway. This thought is an extremely powerful reminder of your reasons. You might, for example, choose to stop being a shoulder to cry on for someone. They may see you as deserting them, but your intentions may be to give them space to grow.

6. To Relax

Enlightened Thought: Chillax!

A hybrid of chill and relax this simple word reminds me sometimes to just relax and not to take things to seriously. This one is one I use often when doing my show, playing badminton or when approaching a deadline! I don’t perform well when I stress myself out over deadlines so when I feel my thoughts racing this is one I use which keep me calm and focused.

7. To Make Healthy Choices

Enlightened Thought: Nothing tastes as good as healthy feels.

This is actually an edit to an already well know saying which is ‘nothing tastes as good as thin feels.’ I don’t like the word thin and it did nothing for me. When I replaced it with the word healthy it had a totally different effect. This affirmation is very useful for taking care of ones health.

P.S. Did you find those useful? What key enlightened thoughts, affirmations, incantations do you use?

P.P.S Happy Groundhog day!

Using my keen, highly developed, Scooby sense I discovered something quite interesting last year. There are two types of negative people and two very distinct ways of dealing with them.

Before I continue though I’d like mention that negativity is nothing to be feared, and is in fact, a key part of your life. It has it’s purpose and it’s purpose must be acknowledged.

Sometimes that negativity can be leveraged to be a great motivator so never underestimate it’s power.

When someone is in a negative frame of mind and seeks assistance from you, to get into a more productive mindset, before you can help them, you firstly need to understand what type of person they are. Sometimes it will be obvious because you know them well, but at other times, it may be slightly more tricky to establish.

There are two main types of negative people: The first will be the kind of person who generally has a positive outlook on life and may be going through a brief bad spell. The other will be the kind of person who lives in the negative sphere of life. No matter what happens they will find a way of putting negative spin on everything. They’ll win the lottery and they’ll focus on all the bad stuff. I think we all know one of those! They are a unique breed and need a slightly different approach.

From this point on the former will be known as POSMOT’s (Positive Most Of The Time) and the latter will be known as NANPAA’s. (Negative And Never Pleased About Anything!). I learned about these two types of people from clients I was coaching last year.

How To Establish The Personality Type

1. Ask a very general question, like ‘so, what’s going on?’ You don’t have to make the question complicated; in fact the more simple the question the better.

2. Listen carefully to the answer. A POSMOT will generally give a fairly brief answer specific to the problem. A NANPAA will give a longer, drawn out, answer and extend the answer to other problems.

3. If after the first go you haven’t got there yet, ask one or two more simple questions and use your jedi powers to carefully asses which type they are.

How To Deal With A POSMOT

1. POSMOTS are generally easily to deal with and all it takes is some re-framing. Get them to firstly state the problem clearly. If you’re unsure of something, ask them to clarify.

2. State the problem back to them in a simplified, re-framed way. Begin the sentence with ‘so, as I’ve understood it, you…’ and if you’ve listened well you’ll be able to give them a summary of what they’ve said.

3. Sometimes the re-frame might spur them to say: ‘Oh I think I’ve just got the answer!’ In which case, problem solved! If not find out what they’ve tried and what else they think they could try. You can even ask something like ‘if I was in the same situation what advice would you give me?’ Often that can be a good way of getting a solution to their problem.

How To Deal With A NANPAA

1. Don’t let them vent. They will swirl away into a whole spiel about everything that’s wrong with their life. Break their pattern by interjecting with something completely unrelated but in a way that makes it sound related.

2. Trying to convert them out of negativity will be about as fruitful as trying to convert someone out of their religion, so don’t do it! If they curse people, join in with them ‘those sons of bitches! Those ungrateful bastards!’ Or anything of the like.

3. If you try and resist or go against their negativity it will fuel them for longer. It will give them more power to find the bad. The best, and in fact, the only effective way of bringing about change in their attitude is humour! It takes away their fuel and the the fire will burn out quicker.

4. You can poke fun at them, the way they’re saying it or something funny about the whole situation. Just make sure it’s funny! You have to find the funny and keep injecting with it to break the repeated patterns they’ve habituated.

5. Repeat the process until they’ve run out of fuel. (That is, until they find something else to bitch about) They will eventually stop though as they will unconsciously realise that their negativity won’t bring you down to their level.

Things To Keep In Mind

1. This works well with people who are bitching and moaning about day to day stuff.

2. If they have a deeper disorder like severe depression then it will mask the problem in the same way pain killers do but it won’t solve the deeper underlying problem.

What other methods do you use for dealing with POSMOT’s and NANPAA’s?

It’s a lovely white Christmas in London this year. So much going on and so many distractions all around. When the snow first settled I was dying to get out there and hear that lovely scrunchy sound of my footsteps in the untouched snow. Everyone is having parties and shopping to get all the pressies in time for the big day!

Despite all the distractions there I was sitting at my desk wondering what to blog about. All sorts of ideas were coarsing through my head; no shortage of ideas but I just seemed to lack the drive to get my fingers pushing away on the black buttons of the keyboard. That feeling of lethargy that I get on occasion was preventing me from getting anything done. So, 16 hot chocolates and one croissant later, I had a bit of a brainwave!

It kind of hit me like a Mike Tyson right cross. Bam! To blog about that specific moment and feeling. How often do I blog about the past or future but forget to mention the present? There is so much power in that one thought that had previously escaped me! Eureka! (Eat your heart about Archimedes!) Then through that I came to the deeper understanding of lethargy and where it comes from.

If you focus on the goal you will feel enthusiasm, if you focus on all the steps toward the goal, you will feel lethargy.

“In the face of difficultly we can despair, get angry…or choose possibility.” Zander and Zander – The Art Of Possibilities

So who’s been paying attention and spotted the little flaw in my theory? Well you will have noticed that firstly I talking about focussing on now. The second thing I mentioned is focussing on the end result, the goal or the outcome. There is a magic secret ingredient that is created by combining the two that merges into something I like to call the ‘future-now’. By using the future-now principle you will find your enthusiasm skyrocketing. Things become easy and simple.

Say That Again Dr Amit

1. If you’re stuck and feeling lethargic. Look at what you’re focussing on? If you’re focussing on the steps, no wonder you’re already tired!

2. Bring yourself back to the now and see what it inspires. Just like how that moment of thinking about my lethargy inspired this post.

3. Then focus on the outcome or the goal. Make it a future-now feeling. Get it to a point where you’re feeling the absolute possibility to the point were you feel it to be real.

See…it’s as easy as 1…2…3!

Have a lovely Christmas everyone!

I’ve been incredibly busy recently writing new comedy material and rehearsing. I’ve got a gig tomorrow and I’m really excited to try out the new stuff. I know some jokes will work and others might not but the buzz of being on stage and entertaining people will always be there for me!

I don’t like not blogging for long periods of time. During those times of not blogging I come up with several ideas and unless I do the blog post within a day or two I tend to lose the excitement of that topic. I’m not worried though. I move on quickly but I do feel it’s important to act quickly on moments of inspiration before they dissipate.

Have you ever needed to send an email or correspondence to someone of importance and not been sure what to say or how to say it? Have you ever felt that burning in the pit of your stomach from all the nerves before you clicked the send button?

A good friend of mine recently inspired me to take action on something that I could’ve done a long time ago. That didn’t matter though, what mattered was me taking action now and not worrying about the result. In the past I let those nerves and fear hold me back from taking action. DUH! The only person I’m letting down is myself.

Yes I’m taking a risk and things might not go the way I want them to go but I will never until I make an attempt! How do you even know if you’re good or bad at something until you try? If you just let the fear of it stop you, you may never discover your true talents! I say always give something a go, (don’t take that one out of context) and at best you’ve discovered a new talent; at worst you can scratch something off you list you never want to do ever again!

So there I was talking to this friend and I took on board what she said. I wrote an email and sent it off today. I truly don’t know what the outcome will be but at least I can say to myself that I did make and effort to make something happen and if it doesn’t I’ll move on quickly and do something else.

When I was about to click send I felt those nerves. I decided to stop just before I pressed the button. I sat there and I thought ‘no, I’m not going to send the email while I’m in that state.’ I took a minute and composed myself. I reminded myself not to pin my hopes on this one email. I got myself into the a confident, worthy state. I let go of all hopes and expectations and I sent the email in a relaxed, but excited vibe and believing that I can make a difference.

Will it make a difference sending the email while in that state? Who knows?! I however believe it does!

To recap, before you click send:

1. If you’re feeling nervous, stop and take a minute!

2. Get into a confident state. Know you’re worthy!

3. Let go of any hopes and expectations.

4. Think: No matter the outcome, I will move on quickly.

5. Click send!

P.S. Do a spell check too!

Recognise when you’re giving up, because that thought alone, may be enough to inspire you into action.

This thought occured to me last week. I got to a point where I was ready to quit. It’s when I realised and awoke to the fact that I was quitting a task that I suddenly had a new found energy to complete it. I thought “I’m no quitter” and suddenly it dawned on me that I didn’t want to be a quitter. I want to be a winner.