“Things do not happen. Things are made to happen” – John F Kennedy
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Over the past few years, through this blog and the few years prior to me starting it, there are several things I’ve noticed that crop up which are a recurring theme within personal growth. If personal growth is something that is important to you i.e., you like spending time learning about yourself and how you can expand your being/consciousness/awareness, then I know you’ll be able to relate to everything that I’m about to talk about and these core principles.
Courses in personal growth
I know people go on many different types of personal development courses like NLP or Coaching but the truth is that I really don’t think you need them; that’s my opinion. I know I’ll be heavily criticised for saying so, especially since I do coaching, but I’ve seen the content of many of these courses and most of them are just packaged well enough to give you material for, lets say 5 days, whereas in reality the only material you actually get of any worth is a few hours or so, maybe a days worth but I think I’m being generous there. I’ve read all I need to know and I have enough experience under my belt to put together a course of my own but the I don’t feel there’s a need. I coach people based on my experience and coaching is simple because I’m not there to advise but only to ask the most effective questions of people. I learn these powerful questions from the things that I do each day.
I don’t want to solely be a Life Coach because in all honesty I would find that boring. I love to diversify and mutually give and take something new from each thing I try! For example: Doing radio and comedy have taught me so much about thinking on my feet and learning to be creativite; something I feel no course could teach me. I can however translate that into a model of passing what I’ve learned to others by asking powerful questions.
NLP and Coaching
NLP is good example as there is so much of it out there and an ever increasing number of organisations are employing its skills and techniques. You can learn all that you need to by buying a couple of books and reading them through thoroughly. One in particular I found quite good was ‘The Life Coaching Handbook’ by Curly Martin. I think she was very successful in cutting through much the fluff and getting to the crux of what you need so I would recommend that book.
Life Coaching as an industry has really exploded! I can’t go to any social function or event now without meeting a fellow Life Coach. I remember recently reading some articles in the mainstream press about the coaching phenomenon. From what I’ve read the techniques that certain coaches use are so clinical and boring! If you’re going to start coaching people use what you’ve learned and give it your own unique flavour; make it as fun as possible as that’s what most likely to connect you with people!
One thing I promise you is that no matter which personal growth book you read, you will come across all these principles, in some minor variation but the core message will always be the same. An example of this is the power of choice or decision. EVERYTHING BEGINS WITH A CHOICE and that is why it is the core power of all human beings. Nothing would happen without you making a decison about it first. It’s the eternal debate of cause vs. effect. If you really want to get technical and look at the inn’s an out’s of the debate I guarantee you that after exploring both very carefully you will come to the same conclusion that I’ve come to over and over again which is that cause and effect are interrelated but I would consciously much rather put myself at the cause than at the effect of anything.
Many people would debate cause vs. effect paradox with me and a good example I can use is my sisters passing. They might say that I was not the cause of the event. Absolutely true. I was not consciously the cause of the event. I however can always consciously choose how I respond to that event. In essence – the effect is of my choosing! 
As with anything in life it’s always my decision about how I respond to any particular event and NOTHING in this universe has the power to take that away from me. Someone who puts this point across well is Dr Vicktor Frankl, author of ‘Mans Search for Meaning’.
I’ve decided to split these into 3 different categories of which all can apply to pretty much whatever you do in life. Whether it be relationships, career, financial or physical you will be able to use these principles to determine which direction your life takes. The principles of the body are just a view I have of maintaining physical balance that keeps you healthy and strong so that you can do all the things that you enjoy.
Mind
1) Being choosy! – The power of choice or decision
I’ve already spoken about this briefly and I wanted to touch on it a little bit more. Are you manufactured through your influences e.g. your parents or do you have a greater say in whom you become? I remember a scene from Star Trek Nemesis where Shinzon (the evil dude) says to Captain Picard “I cannot change who I am”. Bull! Of course you can! You can change you who desire to be at the drop of a hat! And that is all it takes is the power of your decision. How hard is it for you to say to yourself: “Today I choose to be the designer of my future and will consciously take control of where I would like my life to go!”
Sometimes people are afraid of making the wrong choice or decision and I tell you there is no such thing. Once you’ve made a choice it’s sealed in the past so how can it be wrong? It is only either a choice that worked out closest to the result you desired or the most far away. Indecision is essentially a curse because all you do is put a hold on your life and waste your own valuable time. I’m not saying you should make rash decisions but I am saying learn how to make them quickly without feeling a sense of regret and hindsight. Just learn and move forward.
It’s all about the power of choice and when you realise you have this power very few things are out of your reach! You can choose pretty much anything you want! You want to be an astronaut? Go for it, it’s all about choice!
2) What do you see? – The understanding of perception
Do you remember this picture – Old or young woman? What did you see? Did you see the old woman? Did you see the young girl? Or do you just see a combination of lines making up various shapes?
How you choose to see something is the deciding factor of how you respond to any situation. What may seem like a tragedy to you may, to another, seem like the opportunity for change and in ’cause’ change the way the whole world looks at something. How often have you seen on the news that a parent has lost a child and they in turn go and create a new organisation to help others who might have gone through or be going through something similar! I see it all the time and it’s these individuals who decide to use those events as opportunities to help others who may be going through an experience of an equivalent nature.
How you choose to see something will always define what meaning it gives you. When you realise you are in control of that you will see a whole world of opportunity open up to you.
3) The power to ask quality questions
“Why is this always happening to me?” – Does that sound familiar? It does to me because I’ve been there many times! What you’ve done is basically ask yourself a question. Look at the question again. What are you going to respond with? You’re going to respond with answers to that very question and if you look at it carefully you’ll realise that you’re not going to get great answers! If anything you’re going to get answers that are going to perpetuate responses of helplessness and despair!
When people come to me with a problem and they ask me for advice generally the first thing I ask them is: “If someone came to you with this very same problem what would you advise them?” Immediately it shifts their focus and they look at it from a different angle and they suddenly find themselves solving the very problem that they came to me about. Questions shift what you focus on and ultimately the results you get in life! Go away and examine how you question events that occur and you’ll realise that often you get the same thing happening in your life because you’ve been asking yourself the same questions over and over again.
Body
1) Munch Munch – Eating Sensibly
You don’t have to become a vegan or do mega fasts just to become healthy. All you need to do is eat sensibly and have a balanced diet. Some people do try various extremes of dieting or ways to change their shape but most of those methods are temporary and generally do more damage than good. I think Tony Robbins says it best when he says just have a salad with every meal. You can’t really get a simpler diet than that and it’s one you can stick to for life! Be sensible and realise that certain things in extreme are bad for you of which there is no question. Examples are caffeine, alcohol, tobacco and sugar. Any number of things could kill you really so that’s not my reason for avoiding those substances. My reasons are that the quality of your day to day life will be better! You won’t get as many health issues later in life and so if and when you do get to your retirement at least you’ll have the capacity to do something with the precious time that is now yours!
2) Hop to it! – Regular exercise
I mentioned this to someone today and the simplest way of doing this is finding a physical activity that you love doing and you’ll have absolutely no problem keeping it up! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again generally speaking if I have a choice between a hot date and badminton, 9 times out of 10 I’ll choose badminton! 
When you have that much passion for something you don’t need any motivation to keep it up. You’ll actually just keep it up because you love doing it so much! The challenge is finding something you love doing. Maybe I’m just privileged to have found something that I love but I don’t believe that’s the case! I know there’s something out there for everyone and you’re only task is to find it and then you’ll be home free!
I think the theme song from Rocky V sums it up best “GO FOR IT” for what could be simpler than that! You’ll never know if you like something or not unless you try!
3) Bottoms up! – Drinking water.
A few years ago I never used to drink a drop of water and because of that I developed many health issues. The problem was that I didn’t like the taste of water and I know I’m not alone there! I had to force myself to get into the habit and now I love it! Again there’s an easy way of doing this and that is to get yourself to a point where you’re feeling a little bit thirsty everyday by doing mild exercise and then quenching it with water only! Once you get into the habit you’ll have no problem keeping it up! Remember that all you need is 1 – 2 litres a day. On days when you’ve exercised you’ll have no problem having the 2 litres but on days where you don’t exercise I suggest doing some mild activity like running up the stairs a few times and you’ll generate enough of a thirst to want water. Here’s a little NLP trick you can do: Imagine that you’ve been walking in a baking desert for hours and you are completely parched!! You come across an ice cold glass of water and the glass is covered and dripping with delicious condensation. You pick up the glass and drink! How refreshing is that!
Since drinking water regularly my health has improved so much and I find that I’m able to focus for much longer, sleep less, and have much more energy and greater zest for life!
Soul
1) The power of gratitude or love
You won’t get anything more in life unless you’re grateful what you have now. Some people absolutely loved ‘The Secret’ and other people hated it and criticised it with a vengeance! Whether you loved or hated it, whether you believe in the science behind ‘the law of attraction’ or not, there was an amazing bit of truth in that DVD and that is the power of gratitude or love. Yes, the two are synonymous depending on how you choose to look at it!
Once again comes down to how you choose to see things and what questions you ask yourself. If you ask yourself: “What am I grateful for right now?” you’ll realise over time that there is so much within your life that you can be grateful for! When you feel gratitude you suddenly feel lighter, much happier and much much more fulfilled in life. Suddenly you won’t need something outside of yourself to make you happy.
Every day, just for a few minutes, make some time and be grateful for the wonderful things in your life.
2) Tapping into the inner creative genius
Everyone has a creative genius within and no one could ever convince me otherwise of this! If you haven’t discovered your own it’s time to let it emerge! The key to letting it out is using meditation! The trouble with meditation is just the word itself. Even when you say the word meditation it can conjure strange images for some people of holy men and women stretching themselves in weird ways or chanting strange words that sound like an alien language! All of that couldn’t be further from the truth! Anyone can meditate and I promise you this; whether you realise it or not, you’ve already done it! Have you ever had one of those moments where you drift off into thought or zone out or daydream? You were meditating! You were doing it in a very unconscious way and so the trick is to learn to do it at will rather than just at haphazard times.
Find some quiet time where you can tap into this inner source of gems and you’ll be amazed at the phenomenal ideas you’ll come up with!
3) The power of being in this moment right now!
This last one is probably the most important one of all. I know you’ve heard the saying that life is a journey, not a destination. I want you really think about what that means for you. I’ll tell you what it means to me and it’s quite simple. This moment is the most important moment of your life. What you decide to do right now is more important than anything else at all. For me, the most important thing you can do in this moment, is be completely present within it! This is truly an art form and once you get the hang of this you’ll know exactly what I mean! There is something so powerful about being present in this moment that really nothing else comes close. Of course, you have to decide to do it first! Once you’ve decided to do it become aware of your body. Become aware that for example that right now your heart is pumping keeping you alive and say thank you for that. That your hair is growing and you don’t realise it. This is just the starting point and then as you practice and get better you’ll think of new things and ways of being in the present.
Any time you feel lost or without purpose always just do this one step and I promise you it will get you back on track.
This is by far now the longest article I’ve written and for me the most profound. Right now I’m sitting in a cafe and for the last two hours I’ve been focused on nothing else but this article and being present in this moment. I’ve just realised that my laptop battery is running low but I’ve decided that what’s more important to me is getting this article published rather than worrying about small grammatical or spelling errors so that’s one of my many choices that I’ve made today.
As always I welcome any feedback on this or any other article I’ve written. I also welcome you to challenge me! 
If you feel there’s something I’ve written today that you think is completely untrue I would love to hear from you! I love both being challenged and praised as I believe that they both contribute to who I am today as they help shape my decisions.
With love, choice, gratitude and in this moment.
