Habits add up to give us the results of our day to day lives. The continuation of old habits can only lead to the same results over and over. Unless you find a way to interrupt old habits and formulate new ones you will never see different results.

The archaic method of trying to force yourself into new habits will never yield results. There are many more creative ways to start new habits so that they stick for life; that is, until you decide to change them again.

I’ve created ways to make habit forming enjoyable as possible. So rather than it being a hard slog, it actually becomes a fun thing. Whether it be using games or the pleasure principle, the following suggestions should help you to install and start new habits.

1. Becoming aware – The attention game

Sometimes your mind can be your worst enemy. Runaway thoughts can get you stressed and hyper. To change that habit, at random intervals during the day, stop and step outside of yourself and pay attention what was going through you mind in that moment. Was it random nonsense or was it something worthwhile for your life? You could even set your alarm and do it at specific intervals during the day.

This game will allow you to take control of your mind rather than letting it run wild.

2. Laughing more – A Regular injection of humour

Life for me has no meaning without jokes or laughter; it’s why I became a stand-up comedian. I remind myself of that and use jokes to stop taking life so seriously. Subscribe to a joke website. Whenever you get sent one that makes you laugh and share it with 10 people. Make then laugh and make yourself laugh. Bring as much laughter into your life as you can.

Save some as part of a repertoire so that next time you’re at a social gathering, share them with everyone and just observe how contagious the laughter can be.

3. Enjoyable activities – Pleasure over pain

I’m not a fan of going to the gym. I just don’t enjoy it, I could never stay fit that way. I have two loves when it comes to exercise. Badminton, and hill running. I love them so much that I never need to be motivated to go. I don’t need a personal trainer or a coach. My love of those activities drives me to do them.

Don’t ever force yourself to do a regime you don’t enjoy. Find an activity that is fun, gives you exercise and most importantly one you love; so much so that you never need to be motivated to do it.

4. Being mindful – The ‘present’ habit.

To become mindful and present I play a very simple game. While walking, I tune into the furthest sound I can hear, or I try and focus my gaze on the most distant object I can see. Or if I’m walking past a bird or beautiful flower I try and zoom in with my eyes to see the intricate details.

This habitual exercise makes becoming present a very simple process. It’s takes no special effort or skill and you can do it at any time.

5. Good vibez – The vibration game.

Pay attention to what vibe you’re giving off. You can usually tell by how you’re feeling in the moment. If you’re feeling down, you’re emanating a lower vibration, if you’re feeling good, you’re emanating a higher vibration. Pick a time during the day and see what you can do to get from where you feeling, to feel better. So, reach for a better thought, put on a piece of music or watch your favourite comedy. If you feel better, you’ve raised your vibration.

Now see what else you can do to raise it further. Whether it be doing more of the same, or trying something different, just keep it going up. Each time try and take it up a level.

6. Zen – The meditation habit.

Here’s a simple change to make meditation more effective. Most people will sit down to meditation, the trouble is it’s too easy to get distracted and tired while you’re sitting or lying down. Strike a pose, (vogue ) then meditate! Whether it be a dance pose, a martial arts stance, or just standing straight, then try and meditate for 10 mins.

You’ll find that you’ll be able to concentrate for longer and you’ll maintain the habit of meditation. Finding the time to ‘sit’ and meditate never works. Just do it whenever you can and wherever you are.

7. Productivity – The 30 minute habit

I used to be the chief procrastinator of procrastinators…if there were a race of procrastinators I would’ve been the king of the land! I used to get distracted so easily so I created a very simple method to get productive. I use a countdown timer on my phone. I set it for 30 minutes and I set to work. If I’m writing an article I do my best to get the whole thing done, written, edited an ready to go in the 30 minutes…that’s a stretch most of the time so I aim for at least 90% and then I finish the rest as quickly as I can.

It’s a simple method to stay focussed. I do nothing else for that 30 mins, only write, no checking Facebook, Twitter or your mobile phone…just focus on the task at hand.

8. Capturing creativity – The naked dictation game

If you suffer from any form of creative block, take live dictation of your thoughts. Whatever is going on in your head, write it down. The purpose is simple; do it to get clarity and to capture gems of inspiration as they happen, you never know when one of those thoughts is going to be your king maker.

Try these really simple games and methods to install new habits. You know it makes Zense!

Being selfish is great! I used to spend all my time helping others and trying to live up to unrealistic altruistic values I’d set myself but then I’d always find myself drained, feeling low and in the shallow end of the success scale.

Before I continue I just want to say this is not going to be a debate about defining success. I consider myself very successful in some area’s of my life and not so much in others. I continually evolve the benchmarks I set myself in alignment with my personal growth goals.

The connection between success that I want to establish here is in regards to perceived “selflessness” and success.

The way in which I’ve seen many define selflessness has often been the thing to lead to their demise.

There’s A Reason Nice Guys Finish Last

When I first started my journey of personal development nearly 19 years ago I equated “being nice” and trying to please everyone as altruistic.

I now understand what a crock that was. This isn’t the cynical Amit here rearing his ugly head. It’s just a deeper understanding of the universe and human nature.

Being nice has nothing to do with altruistic values or selflessness. In fact, I think there is a very deep rooted selfishness, and not the good kind, in being nice.

People who are nice can sometimes hoard secret feelings of resentment when that kindness isn’t returned. It can manifest in subtle ways such as depression, or more gross ways in the form or bitching to friends.

Instead…

Now, when I want something, I try not to be nice about it. It sounds counter productive but it seems to work much better. I will be polite and follow a code of etiquette but I won’t “suck up” so to speak.

I find the more I try and coerce people the less effective I am. I let go of trying to control how others respond and just allow whatever outcome to emerge naturally.

I would so much rather people help me through their own volition without a hint of perception that I had a hand in the decision; preferably to the point where they’re not even sure why they’re helping me.

In the past, When I met someone who was doing better than me, in a field in which I wanted to excel, I couldn’t help but feel a hint of jealousy. I don’t believe, despite what many may think, it was a bad kind of jealousy.

I saw someone successful and I kind of felt a sense of disappointment that I wasn’t there yet when I knew I’m was more than capable.

It’s not even a sense of jealousy, but almost a feeling of helplessness that I can’t offer that person something of value at that moment in time.

Then I think about all those times I used my time and energy to helping others with the bitter after taste of resentment for not being given anything in return.

I still, even now, feel occasionally jealous when people are doing better than me and I know people will come along and say “don’t be jealous, be thankful for what you have” but they seem to miss the point.

Being thankful for what I have, or trying to force those thoughts is, in my opinion, the wrong way to go. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that kind of jealousy.

As I mentioned, it’s just that I see where I am, and I see where someone else is, and it’s actually more a feeling of disappointment that I am not there yet; that I want to move to that level. It motivates me to keep pushing forward

Examples

How do you determine who you say no to? Well it’s entirely up to you to set your own criteria. It truly does depend on what area of life you’re talking about but I can give you a couple of specific examples of mine.

In the past many Life Coaches approached me asking me to come onto my radio show. I used to say yes to all of them but I realised that it was not the best approach to take. Now I discriminate…a lot!

Firstly I say to them, “I’m a Life Coach, so you are in essence my competition, so how is having you on my show going to bring value to both me and the listeners?”

Your first reaction to that statement might be one of contempt for me, but think about it carefully. How would you handle the same situation?

Secondly, nowadays, if I do invite any coaches onto my show, I would need to know that they would be able to handle themselves under serious pressure.

A chat show needs a controversy in order for it to be a chat show, it is the very premise under which a chat show operates. It’s needs strong opinion and no middle fencing. I’ve met many Life Coaches who are often, too placid, and too boring to be on a radio show.

Another example is when, a few years back, a friend asked me to coach them to write their book which I did. I gave them free coaching which they went on to have published and for which I was never even thanked. I offered my valuable time and energy and got absolutely nothing in return.

That wasn’t altruistic of me. In fact it was cowardly not to ask for a fair return. I have not heard from that person since. At the time I thought I was being selfless but I was weak and horrendously under valued my services.

What Selflessness Does Not Mean

Being selfless does not mean you go and help people to the detriment of your own well-being. Remember, sometimes helping people over and above you may actually be taking something away from them.

Sure, guide them; throw some clues their way, but for heavens sake, don’t do all of the work thinking you’re doing a good thing.

I have a slightly different definition for selflessness and the equation goes a little something like selflessness = oneness.

Do I want all the answers and rewards given to me on a plate? Hell no! I want to work for them otherwise life would be more boring than watching paint dry. I offer the same level of support as I would want.

I am now much more selective about what I give my time and energy to.

Time And Selfishness

I don’t know about you but I used to have about 1200 connections on Facebook. I recently did a clear up and went down to about 900 and now again it’s creeping up to around the 1000 mark. Now, you don’t need to be good at maths to calculate that it means that,, on average 3 of my connections on Facebook will have a birthday every day.

Even if only 1 out of every 3 of those connections decides to have a birthday bash, and I get invited to it, I would have one a day throughout the year. That doesn’t even include other kinds of gala’s, charity events, launches, etc. I can’t possibly attend all of them, otherwise I would have no time for anything else!

I could try the selfless route and please everyone and attend as many events as I can but eventually I would burn out. I had to learn how to discriminate and how to say no.

The Upshot

The whole point about living consciously is that you can pick and choose who you decide to help. Being selfish and altruistic are not mutually exclusive.

You don’t have to say yes to everyone and everything and saying no can be saying yes to yourself (a cool line from the book The Yes Man by Danny Wallace).

You will find by being selfish you will have more time, more energy and more focus doing the things you love doing rather than the things you think you should be doing.

Illusions hold you back. They stop you from striving forward and making leaps and bounds towards fulfilling all of your hopes and desires.

There are 7 specific illusions and I promise you will recognise at least two, out of the seven, that you will have used on yourself within the past month.

Read through them carefully and understand them. Wake up and recognise when you start using them to break that pattern of thinking.

1. I will do something when I have more time…

This is a massive one. A common statement I hear people make is ‘I’ll get to it when I have the time. I’ll meet you when I have the time.’ Etc. There is no such thing as ‘I don’t have the time’. If something is important to you, you automatically make the time.

It’s probably the biggest of the 7 illusions that still plagues humanity. You don’t necessarily have to be honest with other people to the level where it hurts their feelings, but do be 100% honest with yourself. What is the real reason you’re not making time for someone or something?

2. I will get there faster if I…

You will never reach your destination any quicker than you are supposed to. When you do reach a milestone it will have happened exactly how it should have happened. You can try all you want but those efforts are a part of the enjoyment of the journey.

They make reaching the destination that much sweeter. When you try all you marketing techniques, your strategies your tactics, let go of the outcome and allow them to unfold naturally.

3. I have control over…

You have control over nothing except your own mind. Our spirit has access to this world through the mind in the same way that we plug into the phone socket to get internet access. Now that the tool is available to you what you do with it is up to you. You control nothing except your own mind.

Even then, the best use of that tool is release. When you let go amazing things happen.

4. I will be happy if…

I still hear this old chestnut. People still hold the illusion that if X happens then I will be happy. No you won’t! If you haven’t developed your mental perception to see the reason for happiness now, or just the happiness of being, nothing will change the way you feel.

You may temporarily be happy by winning the lottery but unless you understand how to manage it you will be pulled in all sorts of directions. People may want to borrow money. You may worry about being robbed of your wealth.

Whatever your situation is now, be happy. Even if it changed drastically for the better, If you weren’t happy in the first place, I very much doubt that you’ll be happy after the change.

5. I can change others…

When you try to change other people they will often resist the change. Unless you understand how to communicate in their value system, and inspire them to change themselves, you will always be stuck trying to change them according to your values.

You can never change a person. You can however change the way you see them. When you change the way you perceive them they will change in your eyes without them actually changing.

6. I will go and do this when…

A perfect example of this is in one of my older articles called Going It Alone and the part about being and IGUIG (I’ll go if you go) kind of person. Do you stop yourself from doing the things you really want to do until the circumstances are just right? What if they are never right, does that mean you’ll never go and do it?

In the case of that article I talked about doing things alone. When you do that you’re not waiting for circumstances to be perfect. You just do it anyway and that is the best place to be in.

7. I’ll start exercising when I have more energy…

This one really does embody the term self fulfilling prophecy or vicious cycle. It’s ironic and I’ve seen this with so many people. They think they’ll undertake an exercise regime when they have more energy. What they don’t realise is that they will get more energy from exercising.

So unless they take that first step they are very unlikely to get the increase in energy that they’re hoping for.

Are there any illusions holding you back?

It’s still early days for me since being made redundant. Although I still have no fixed plan, and I’m still uncertain of which path I’m going to take to generate an income, something deep inside of me is telling me that this is the best thing to ever happen to me. Lots of other people are telling me that too but nothing is as powerful as the feeling within me.

Keeping that in mind, have you ever felt that there are signs or markers pointing you in a certain direction? How often to you pay attention to that inner/outer guidance or intuition? There are breadcrumbs being left for us but most never follow the trail.

So many follow their head instead of their heart. When I say that I mean that people literally do what they think they should be doing rather than what they know deep down to be right for them. It’s the result of being told what to think rather than how to think over years of poor guidance and education.

Since the whole process of being made redundant began for me, certain things have been cropping up over and over again. I have been seeing signs everywhere gently nudging me in a few particular directions; particularly towards my strengths.

There are two very strong ones, and even though both of them have yet to amount to anything, they have offered me something which, during this time, is priceless. They offered me hope! When you’re in the worst of places hope is the bridge the gets you from one side to the other.

There is a powerful word that describes this trail of breadcrumbs and it is synchronicity. I had two such events recently.

The first was when I first found out the possibility that I was going to be made redundant from work. At the first meeting when they asked me what I would like to instead of being a network analyst, I responded “social media manager”. I had no idea that roles like that existed. To be honest, I’d just made that up. I explained to them that I was good with social media technologies and SEO. They said that no such roles existed within the company.

After a few days I received a few pieces of junk mail that also started pointing me in that direction. You might think the junk mail was worthless but it was giving several ideas and expanding my mind and opening my mind to what was possible.

Then I had a look on some job websites and saw that there were actually positions for Social Media Managers. It wasn’t necessarily the path I was going to take but it provided me with a fresh option to be explored.

The second was to do with radio. Some years ago I’d heard that a particular station was recruiting for presenters. That memory surfaced recently for some bizarre reason and I started to wonder if that station was recruiting again. Within the space of a day I’d had three people tell me that the station in question was recruiting. I had not told anyone that I’d had that specific thought. They had told me and go in touch me through their own volition after hearing about it.

Being totally honest, none of those have amounted to anything yet but, they did provide me with a combination of hope and options. The two provided me with a feeling that I had more options open to me than I’d previously thought. The very idea behind them was opening new doors to me.

I know of people who’ve been in, and are in, the same situation as me. I can say to you and them that there are unexplored options there. Listen to the guidance and spot the breadcrumbs. Follow them because you never know where they may lead.

Yes, they may not always bear fruit, but at least you can look back with your head held high and say you tried; that you gave it your best shot! Would you not rather that be the case then looking back and wondering what might have been had you explored certain options?

Start following the breadcrumbs.

Are you still doing things to make people like you? Have you ever considered why want to make people like you? We all want some level of acceptance and, to a degree, love. But, people pleasing is dangerous and I’ve created a video to explain why.

A good example of this is when people say ‘yes’ to something, when they know deep down they should be saying ‘no’, but they don’t want to for the fear of not being accepted; even if it means a huge inconvenience to the self.

Before I go any further I just want to thank Marianne of Free Range Humans for being the inspiration for this post. We met last week and went to Paul A Youngs chocolate shop and had a hot chocolate…with hot chilli! (Mmmm yummy!) We talked about our interactions in social situations and that got me thinking about this entire concept of people pleasing.

It primarily stems from caring about what people think about us and how it makes us feel. When you please someone you might feel good. But that fragile acceptance can be broken easily. The freedom of letting that all go far outweighs the temporary pleasure of being liked. The liberation you feel from not caring about the response of others is one of the most uplifting things I’ve done in recent years. You have to learn when to let that all go and when to let people go.

Without further ado, here’s my video with reasons on why it’s time to drop the mindset of making people to like you. I would like to apologise in advance for chopping off my gorgeous feathered hair off the video. I’m new to the video blogging scene and will rectify it for the next one.

Photo credit – Carbonnyc

I’m away for a few weeks and will be back to blogging soon. There’s plenty for you to peruse on the website and so here are some articles I recommend reading.

The Core Principles Of Life

Settling Down

101 Mini Purposes Or Goals For Your Day

Going It Alone

Dealing With Death

7 Enlightened Thoughts For A Kick-Ass Day

I used to enjoy doing languages at school. I wasn’t very good at it but I did enjoy learning the new words as the evolution of language used to fascinate me. I used to study French and now, whenever I go over to France, I do make an effort to communicate as much as possible, in the style of the French, kissing an’ all! My accent leaves a lot to be desired, but I do try!

More recently there’s been a huge influx of Polish people into the UK and I’ve been fortunate enough to make plenty of Polish friends. From my hairdresser, to my local cafe (where I get my daily soya hot chocolate), to my friends at badminton, you can’t get away from them now, no matter how hard you try! so I decided to take it upon myself to learn some Polish and I’ve got the basics down well; even some swear words!

I believe there’s so much value in greeting people in their language with their cultural style. It’s like honouring who they are. From my experience, when I greet people in their language, they love it and truly appreciate it. With that in mind I would like to share the basic greetings in the 12 languages that I’ve managed to acquire the basics.

1. English

The 3rd most spoken language in the world. There are so many ways to greet in English. You can start with ‘Hello’ which is the general greeting. You can say ‘Hey’ as a less formal greeting or if you feel daring you and wanna’ be a bit more street. you can say, ‘Yo’, or ‘Wassup’ or ‘Sup’ for short. You can also start by saying ‘Good Morning’ as a more formal greeting. As a farewell greeting and a less formal one you can say ‘See Ya!’

2. French

The 14th most spoken language in the world. The universal greeting in French is ‘Bonjour’ which translated is ‘good day’. If you want to follow up on that you can ask ‘Ca Va?’ with an upward tone at the end to indicate it is a question meaning ‘how are you?. You can even respond with ‘Ca Va’ in a downward tone to indicate a response meaning ‘I’m well’. The universal farewell is ‘Au Revoir’.

3. Gujarati

The 24th most spoken Language in the world. Gujarati is my native tongue and it’s an unusual language but one that is relatively easy to learn. There is actually no general word for hello. The standard greeting is ‘Kem Chor?’ and it’s question meaning ‘how are you?’ You can respond by saying ‘Saroo Che’ which, translated literally into English means ‘good is’ or ‘I’m good.’

4. Hindi

The 4th most spoken language in the world. ‘Namaste is generally recognised as a greeting in Hindi although has it’s roots in Sanskrit. It has a beautiful translation – ‘The God/Goddess spirit within me recognizes and honours the God/Goddess spirit within you.’

5. Punjabi

The 12th most spoken language in the world. Punjabi’s have a vibrant culture and they are very proud to be Punjabi. They will almost always speak it when meeting Punjabi counterpart. The standard greeting in Punjabi is ‘Kiddah?’ which, like Gujarati, has a more literal translation of ‘how are you?’

6. Spanish

The 2nd most spoken language in the world. I love Spanish as a language and if there’s a language I’d go and study, Spanish would be it! The main greeting in Spanish is ‘Hola’ which is kind of like ‘hello’. You can also add ‘Que tal?’ which is ‘how are you?’ You can answer with ‘Vien’ which means ‘well’.

7. Italian

The 20th most spoken language in the world. Italian is considered a very sexy language and although I don’t know much, I can see why. The main greeting, which is also the farewell is ‘Ciao’.

8. Polish

The 27th most spoken language in the world. I like the Polish accent, it reminds me of those Meerkat’s off the telly ad! Like Italian, in Polish you greet the same way you as you goodbye which is ‘Chesht’. (Not sure if that’s how you would spell it.) You can also say ‘Yaakshamash’ which is ‘how are you?’ You can respond by saying ‘Dobje’ which means ‘I’m good’. If you have a slow badminton partner like me you can say ‘Ruj Dhupshka’ which means ‘move your ass!’

9. Mandarin

The #1 most spoken language in the world. My Mandarin isn’t very good but the universal greeting in mandarin is ‘Ni Hao’.

10. Cantonese

The 22nd most spoken language in the world. Again my Cantonese isn’t great either but the main greeting is Lei-Ho and for more formal occasions you can add ‘Ma’ at the end.

11. Japanese

The 9th most spoken language in the world. Of all the languages, Japanese has to have the most fun sounding greetings. The general greeting is ‘Konnichiwa’ which the literal translation is ‘good afternoon’. They have different greetings for different times of the day but that is now seen as a universal greeting. The telephone greeting is ‘Moshi Moshi’. Love it!

12. Arabic

The 5th most spoken language in the world. The greeting in Arabic is ‘As-Salaamu ‘Alaykum’ which has the beautiful meaning of ‘may peace be upon you’. The common response is ‘Wa Alaykum As-Salaam’ which means ‘and upon you be peace’.

There are so many languages in the world so I would say go out there and learn something new from people who speak a different language to you. If you speak a different language to me, please feel free to enlighten me in the comments section on the basics, your greetings, farewell etc. I would love to learn more.

Your Why?

Remember your ‘Why?’ or your reason before undertaking any task. That is the core message of this post. Your ‘Why?’ may evolve over time depending on a number of factors. When I first had this thought a couple of days ago it made perfect sense to me and made me realise that this was the perfect method for establishing the exact right mindset for any task ahead of me.

I’ll get into the nitty gritty shortly but firstly a simple example. You wake up and you realise that you have to go to work. You don’t feel like going and feel like taking a sickie. Before you call in though you remember that you have deadlines that need to be met for that day and missing work will result in you getting 10 lashes! :-O

You’ve now established your ‘Why?’ for the day. Your ‘Why’ thought is: “I have to get to work because if I don’t it will result in me getting in trouble. You’ve basically now started your day with a thought that isn’t very inspiring or even remotely uplifting to you. It’s a thought of necessity; a poor one at that. When you start your day this way it’s no wonder that you’ll feel low and unmotivated.

The Results

See if you can think of time when you have thought along those lines. What was the outcome? How did you feel? What was the resulting quality of your work? Call it your purpose, reason and/or why and you’ll begin to see that any activity will be heavily influenced by your ‘Why?’ thought. This can apply to any task you do. It could be a hobby, your job or even voluntary work.

Any time your ‘Why?’ comes from a very limited frame of reference you’re going to struggle at whatever you do. You will suffer from lethargy. The good news is you can change that using what I call: ‘The Why? Mantra’. Before I go into more detail about it it’s important to note that your ‘Why?’ may change and you may also frame your ‘Why’ from different perspectives.

I’ll give you an example of mine and my morning radio show. My morning show is there mainly as a form of entertainment and information. Before I go and do the show I’ll think about why I’m there doing it; sometimes I think from a single viewpoint and other times I take a broader perspective. Yesterday morning I was thinking about providing joy and laughter to the listeners which in turn is beneficial for good health and well being.

If I wanted to I could include the perspective of my career. I could think: I’m doing the show to build on my experience and allow it lead me onto my bigger goals for radio. There are also times when I also think from the perspective of doing it purely for my enjoyment too. I love it when people get interactive and the response I get from people which energises me to do even better!

Because I love radio so much it’s difficult to think of any poor ‘Why?’ statements before I’ve done it. There have been occasions when I’ve had some for this blog. Occasionally I’ve forgotten the real reason why I’m doing this and only focussed on my hit count and as a result my posts have been of a poor quality. When I get back to the real ‘Why?’ for doing this then I feel inspired and the posts are of a much higher quality.

Simple Equation

The stronger your ‘Why?’ mantra the more productive you’ll be and the more you’ll get from your task. This is powerful for the things you want to be doing but even more so for things that you do not want to be doing. Life isn’t perfect and yes there will be things you’ll have to do. When talking about the power of choice in schools kids have always responded with the fact they are there because they have to be.

In cases where you have to be somewhere you can still change your ‘why?’ mantra into something which gives you that extra zing, as opposed to a feeling of desperation or hopelessness. You will get a direct correlation between your ‘Why?’ mantra and what you get out of the task. The stronger your mantra; the more you will get from it. Simples

Don’t try and mask your thoughts with rosy peachy ‘nice’ thoughts. Use the power of the truth to help you move through this. Masking the truth will only make it harder for you to move forward. Whatever you’re feeling is real and it can be shifted. I recommend small shifts rather than big jumps. Big jumps will only work if you’re in the right mindset to begin with but if you’re feeling low and frustrated, baby steps is the way to go!

Some Examples

Scenario 1. – I work for this horrible company in this small office; I don’t get paid much money and I don’t really get appreciated for the work I do so why should I do more than I have to? It’s paying the bills, putting food on the table and leaving me with some small change for socialising. This job is giving me very little, if any, excitement in my life. I’m going to leave at finish time on the dot because I can and I don’t want to stay longer than necessary. I’m basically working to live right now.

Your Alternate ‘Why?’ Mantra – Yes I have bills to pay and yes I’m not enjoying the job but I’m deciding to adopt a different perspective. This job is just a stepping stone in the right direction. It’s providing me with my livelihood whilst also preparing me for my next level jump. This stage is a part of my bigger journey. I will learn what I can and use this experience to move forward with my life.

You can see the difference straight away. This is just one example and shortly I’ll provide another of a different scenario. It’s important to do this regularly; daily if possible and before the task in question. If you spend just a few minutes remembering to do this you whole feeling, approach and mindset will change towards the task in front of you.

You’re basically establishing your purpose for being there. When you expand on your purpose you’re giving your life a deeper meaning for you and framing it in a way that empowers your life. Take a look around you and notice those people who are always doing well. They will always be the kind of people who have a very clear purpose and as a result are incredibly focussed. To get focussed your purpose needs to be clear.

Scenario 2. – I’ve just started my own business and things are not going great. It’s a tough economic period and I’m not getting the sales. My only concern is getting that next sale; it’s all about the next sale! Without the sales I have no revenue and without revenue I have no money for myself or to even expand my business.

Your Alternate ‘Why?’ Mantra – I started this business because I believe my product will change the market. I know this business will be a huge success and once people understand what we’re capable of they will see our potential and our product will be irresistible to them. I know that every single encounter is a new business opportunity. I will smile and sell because I simply love doing it!

Again you can see a huge difference between the two. If you’ve been doing something already for a long time then any habituated thought will be difficult to change at first so I recommend writing down your new ‘Why?’ mantra. Read it every day before you undertake the task. Remind yourself of it regularly.

I remember a while back I went through this phase where I was incredibly bored at work. There wasn’t much work to do and I even let the free time go to waste. I hated that feeling and so I basically said to myself that I was going to learn one new thing each day. That astoundingly simple thought changed my entire feeling at work. Even though there still wasn’t much work on, so long as I’d learned that one new thing, I felt like I’d fulfilled my purpose for the day.

Scenario 3. – I hate spending time with the family; I could be elsewhere doing something better with my time. It’s so boring being with the family; spending time with them is a chore and I can’t wait for the time to come to an end. If I sit here long enough nodding my head they’ll think I’m listening…but what was the name of that song I heard on the radio the other day?

Your Alternate ‘Why?’ Mantra – My time with my family is valuable. Who knows when our last moments could be so I’m going to cherish this time right now. I’m also going to use this as a reason to get my family interested in my life and ask about me. I’m going to find a way to turn this time into a fun time for all of us and create memories for a lifetime.

These kinds of mantras can be used for any situation. You can use them for your relationship with your spouse, if you play a sport or even for generating powerful reasons to do well at your studies. The applications for this are limitless. Go ahead, think of one now and make a start in creating a new ‘Why?’ mantra.

In Closing

When this idea and understanding came to me I realised that this is such an important part of life. I’m a believer that your purpose is what you make it. If you can create a purpose that is in line with your ultimate goal in life, then you will have no problems staying inspired, to do what it is you love doing, without becoming clouded by the daily grind.

Here’s a reminder of what to do:

1. For any aspect or activity in your life take a close look at how you begin the task. Recognise the type of thought you currently use to initiate the task. When you do write it down. (Remember that recognition is always the first step to change.)

2. Now that you know how you begin it find some quiet time to think about what your purpose is for being there. This is either a discovery or a creation. Sometimes the answer will pop into your head and other times you will choose what it is for you.

3. Write down your new ‘Why?’ mantra and practise it daily before doing your task. You’ll be amazed a the results. When you get used to this process try it for another activity; a hobby or some voluntary work that you do.

4. Remember that you ‘Why?’ mantra doesn’t have to be set in stone. It’s allowed to change and evolve over time. Review it every once in a while and if what you have now doesn’t inspire you then rewrite it.

I had a very interesting debate with a close friend of mine regarding blogging and getting more hits. He insisted that my way of blogging was not the right way to go if I wanted to make money from it and increase my hits.

He himself is a blogger and runs a very successful blog and has created 3 very popular websites in total.

As I’ve been away from blogging for a few weeks working on another project I decided to think long and hard about the way I wanted to go with the blogging. I admit that I still think of blogging as generating a source of income but I don’t necessarily think this blog is going to do that. I still want this blog to be putting down the insights that I get and also have it a marketing tool for all the things I do and services I provide.

Blog Post Lists

I have seen many blog posts recently and many are just simple lists like: 8 Ways To Be Happier; 15 Ways To Overcome Tiredness; etc, etc. Some are very popular. Others not so much. Some are very imaginative and some are quite stale. I’ve done a few of those myself but it’s not something I want to do all the time. I’m not going to follow the trend just to get a few extra hits. I want my posts to be genuine and meaningful.

Content and Value

Sometimes I feel like just blogging a couple of lines. Sometimes I feel like blogging a few thousand words. I don’t necessarily think one has more value for the reader than the other but I do want all my posts to be for a reason. There’s going to be the odd occasion I’m going to post about a few updates; what I’ve been up to and sometimes just to post up random musings! Overall I think I can convey my thoughts in under a thousand words but there will be times where that will be insufficient like with my post about Dealing With Death which was more like 3000.

Topics

Personal development blogging is quite challenging compared to something like political blogging. It’s not as if you have a fresh stream of topics in the media to discuss. From there you can pick any number of topics and voice your opinion about them whereas this kind of blog is very personal and good topics are more rare. I’ve personally never felt a shortage of topics to blog about even though this is now around my 450th post. I even already know what my two next topics are about and I’ve already begun writing one of them. If you’ve got to a point where you’ve run out of things to discuss on your blog then my advice to you would be to spend some time alone; get in the right place within yourself – that place of inspiration and you’ll never run out of ideas. That place is an unlimited stream!

Income

I will definitely try and generate some form of income through this blog. It’s more likely to be from book sales than advertising. That’s a long way away and in the mean time I can work on the design to make it more pleasing to the eye. It will definitely ‘a’ source of income rather than my main source of income.

Reaching People

If I can use this space to reach a wide audience and in some way help them with the words I put down then great! I’ve done my job regardless of the actual number of hits I get. Yes I would love to get more traffic but I don’t want artificial traffic that is just superficial. I want you to return because you genuinely feel that my writing and ideas are beneficial to you or you find my humorous posts entertaining! Either way I’m quite clear about what I’m doing here and what I want to achieve through this blog.

Final Thoughts

The great thing about my blog is that I know I have helped many people with the 100′s of articles that I’ve written. It may not be the whole world but I’ve reached far and wide. I’ve used my imagination as well as drawn on experience to create some valuable posts in my opinion. I may not have the most popular blog out there but I feel like I’ve made a good contribution to the content on the internet. I intend for not to continue on the same route, improve my writing, continue being inspired and write as often as I can.

Here’s to the next 450 posts!

In my humble opinion there are only two lessons in life we as a species need to master. As far as I’m concerned all else is an illusion. I too get caught up in the illusions frequently which is not a bad thing.

When I get caught up in the illusion, and I awaken to the fact that I’m getting caught in it, I am then able to then go back and focus on the two master lessons. It’s like practising in real life.

The first master lesson: Power of Choice or Decision.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Viktor Frankl.

Learning this lesson has so far been the greatest lesson of all for me. There is no greater power in life than understanding that I have the power to choose how I respond to everything that comes along in my life. At times it might seem like reaction is the stronger of the two forces and that you don’t actually have a choice. Reaction is conditioning and when you acknowledge that it is you can begin to change it if you choose to do so. I wish I could say I was an A* student at it but it’s a subject that I love studying and so I’m hoping that one day I attain my masters degree in it!

The second master lesson: Being Present in this Moment

“Life is now. There was never a time when your life was not now, nor will there ever be” – Eckhart Tolle

How often have you let your past or future dominate the person you are? You are not your past and you are not what happens to you in the future. You are on the outside who you choose to be in this moment but you are, ultimately, this moment. If you don’t learn to live in the present you’ll constantly find yourself at battle with your memories and future hopes/dreams/fears.

The experience of being in this present moment is one that we’ve all had and you’ll know when you’ve had it because time flew by quicker than normal. Being in this moment alters our perception of time. When you are focussed on now and understand that it is all that really matters suddenly your experience of life totally changes. If you can be doing any task and be totally present with it you’ll feel a true sense of fulfilment and enjoyment.

If anyone out there can tell me a better way to live my life then I’m more than happy to listen! As it stands I haven’t found a better way then putting these two master lessons to good use in everything I do.

I had a wonderful response from my last article and decided to get inspired to write a follow up. These tools are things that we naturally do anyway but these articles are a way of bringing them to your attention so that you can do them more consciously and use them at will.

So I decided to get into my inspired state and see what else would come to me. That brings me straight onto my first part of my 3 advanced accelerator tools.

1. Inspired State

Flash moments of inspiration occur for us all but how often can you dictate when and where that moment of inspiration occurs for you? You may not always be in that state 24/7 but what you can do is establish your mechanism for getting yourself into that state frequently and at your own behest. Think back to a time when you were in an inspired state where ideas came to you easily and naturally. Now find the key elements of the process and replicate them here and now. Once you find those key elements you are in a position to get into that state at crucial moments for your life.

2. Flow

Flow is when you get into the stream of doing without conscious thought being present. Your conscious awareness can even be elsewhere while your subconscious becomes the main driver. Time also ceases to have it’s place when you’re in your flow state. Your flow state in many ways is similar to dreaming. No one taught you how to dream. It’s just something which is inherent within all of us. The same goes for flow state and is the most natural feeling during any task or activity to be in; when everything just flows seamlessly. Think back to a time when you had such a moment and spot the pattern that got you into your flow state. If you can’t think of one think back a time possibly when you were revising for exams and you were so focussed that when you look up at the clock 4 hours and passed as if it was just an hour or so.

3. Internal Wisdom

Internal wisdom differs from inspired state in that when in the inspired state you may often get a flash of inspiration while in flow relating to any random subject whereas connecting with your internal wisdom you ask a direct question and get a clear direct answer. Whether you’ve experienced this personal phenomenon before not; I assure you, everyone has access to a limitless supply of internal wisdom. Mostly, like the inspired state, you will get the most succinct answers when you are very centred and focussed.

—–

I’m sure while reading this you felt a sense of familiarity and resonance with each of these zones and now it’s up to you to develop each one consciously and use them at will unconsciously.

As with anything in life you will reach pinnacle or plateau points where you feel like you can go no further. So it begs the question of how some people get further than others. How do some people get to be the best? If they got to that point why can’t you? Yes, of course, you need things like determination, confidence and self esteem but what specifically is it that takes us from one level of expertise to an even higher level of expertise?

There are 3 key things that you need or powers which you need to develop in order to get off the flats and be back on the incline to your desired point. It’s essential to have a clear idea of where you would like to get to but know that, no matter where you are right now, there is no reason that you cannot accelerate at the same rate as a child does when s/he is introduced to something new.

To boost yourself you need to boost your M.I.C. You may have guessed I happen to like my Acronyms! So what does M.I.C stand for?

1. Memory
2. Imagination
3. Concentration

1. Memory

If you suffer from a bad memory then it’s crucial you learn different ways of utilising your memory. I used to think that I had a bad memory. I used to say to people that I had trouble remembering names and faces and yet my memory for numbers was excellent. Why? What was it that separated numbers from names and faces? I’ve got to be honest, to this day I’m still not even quite sure what it was but I knew that I didn’t want to suffer the embarrassment of forgetting peoples names and even faces any more. What I did realise is that I wasn’t making enough of an effort to remember peoples names and now I find that since I started making more of an effort to do so that I can now remember 95% of the names of the people I meet; it’s now only the rare occasion now that I forget. I’ll leave you to find your own method or technique for improving your memory but it is an essential skill.

Your memory is key when it comes to learning. Sounds like an obvious statement I know but what people don’t realise with learning is that in order to change something that has up until now been a habit, you need your memory to intervene and take over. Let’s take a look at an example. You’ve been playing tennis for a year and you’ve hit a plateau and so you decide to hire a coach. Your coach is going to teach you new techniques. You need to memorise those techniques and then apply then. If you don’t remember to apply the new techniques frequently enough your old habits will continue to reign supreme and your new learning’s won’t be able to cut in and take over. You can only do that if you remember to apply the new teachings from your coach. Does that make sense?

Another example is in dealing with people. Let’s say you learn a great NLP technique for communicating with people. Unless you remember to apply it at the appropriate times, that technique is useless to you. I remember that when I was at the Brahma Kumaris they often to this as being “Yukti Yukt” which translated means applying the right technique at the right time.

2. Imagination

I’m a firm believer that unless we employ creativity in our daily routine we become stale and lose momentum with life overall. Life in fact begins to lose its meaning to us. Repetition is important for certain skills we need to develop. Let’s say you’re a basketball player, the more times you throw the ball the hoop the better you are going to get at it. If something is not working you need to find a new way of doing it or having a new outlook upon it. To illustrate, take your job for example, there are certain aspects that are going to have repetition but it may get very boring to you unless you bring variety to it. Sometimes you can’t change what you do but you can change the way you look at what you do.

Invention and innovation are crucial to personal improvement. I was recently commuting on the tube and I just wasn’t in the mood to read a book as I often do and I didn’t want to waste that valuable time either. So I decided to use that time to meditate and I was shocked by the results. I found it so easy to meditate and the results were also that I had many new ideas flow to me during that time. So it was a change of outlook and activity that enabled me to have a whole new experience of something I do regularly i.e. travelling on the tube. The key here is not to allow yourself to get bored. If you feel bored start the engine of your imagination and see what you can conjure up for that free time!

3. Concentration

I’m a Pisces and we’re renowned for being dreamers and procrastinating; I am no exception! However what I realised what that when I did day-dream or drift off my concentration on my day-dream was exceptional! If people tried to distract me from my day-dream they’d have a tough time of it. So I realised it was not my concentration that lacked but rather what I was concentrating on. The final key here is learning to stay focus on something for extended periods of time despite any challenges you might face.

If we go back to the tennis example only this time you’re playing a gruelling match which has been going on for hours. It’s neck and neck, both you and your partner are exhausted. The winner of the game will undoubtedly be the one that can maintain concentration or focus on the closing of the game and not let their focus wander onto how tired they are or even the thought of making mistakes on closing points.

It’s an easy skill to develop. I always thought that I didn’t have the ability to concentrate and yet I’ve been sat here for the last hour and a half straight through totally focused on this article. It’s easy to do once you get into the flow of what you’re doing by not letting those little thoughts that creep in take over.

—–

These 3 core skills are a simple way of accelerating your personal growth and skipping past your plateau.

Hey folks,

I just want to send out my apologies to for the lack of responses to your comments and for my slow blogging this week. I’m on a training course for the whole week and won’t have as much time to create posts.

I will be back soon to full blogging and I would, with your help, like to create a more network orientated blog, I’ll explain further when I get back but with a bit of luck it will be of benefit to both myself and to all of you also.

Have a great week and I will catch up with you all soon!

On new years eve I decided to go and spend the evening with some friends. We were just going to eat, watch t.v., play games, watch the secret, relax and have a good time. So I was on my way there driving down my usual route which I kind of know like the back of my hand and I came up to a roundabout. It wasn’t raining but it had been and the roads were wet but it wasn’t too cold so there was no ice on the roads.

Now there is one thing that something most of you probably don’t know about me but I have kind of sporty looking car with a 3000 watt sound system which fills up my entire boot (as I love listening to loud music), it as fat alloy wheels and my car is lowered. Anyway, even though it’s not a fast car I do sometimes drive fast and I tend to take corners fast as it handles so well.

So as I was saying, I came up to this roundabout, and as there were no cars around, I decided to put my foot down a little, approach the roundabout with the “racing line” and then step on it. As I did this, the back end of my car decided to swing out even though I know I wasn’t pushing my car to it’s limits…it was a totally unexpected spin! Something which has never happened to me in this car before.

Luckily, when I used to have a company car a few years back, I sometimes used to take it to a gravel car park and practice doing some spins. I know, I know, naughty me!

So, I had some experience of how to handle a car in a spin, as my car started to spin and loose control, something else also popped into my head which was something I heard on some Tony Robbins tapes and it was about when he wanted to be a racing driver. When he was taught how to drive he was taught that one of the most important aspect of racing which is knowing how to bring a car out of a spin. The simple rule, wherever your eyes go, your car will go, so if you focus on the concrete wall surrounding the race track, you will hit that, or if you focus on another car, you will hit that.

So there I was, my car was about to do a 360 when that thought popped into my head. I noticed that just before that point I was actually heading towards some cars waiting to join the roundabout, but then my focus shifted to a clear part of the road and as soon as I did my car started heading in that direction. I’d learned that also to bring a car out of spin that you also opposite lock your steering to the direction your spinning and then as you start to bring your car back to center your turn your steering in the direction of the spin.

So I managed to get my car in complete control again, went around the roundabout with all these people staring at me and then I went on my merry way with a smile on my face and grateful to still be alive!

The moral of the story? Well your life will spin out of control when you least expect it, in fact it will spin just as things are going really well, you never know when it will happen or where or what type of spin it will be, you may spin on ice, water, or even just a normal dry road, another car may hit you and you may spin, the only thing you can do it learn some ways to bring yourself out of that spin. You can only truly learn through experience but there is no harm in knowing.

Thoughts are running through our heads constantly on a daily basis. We never stop thinking and we never will stop thinking. We tend to focus our thoughts in two very general areas: We either focus on something internal to us, about our lives or things happening to us; or, we tend to focus on whats going on in the world and with other people who surround our lives. That is, those who internalize or those who externalise.

Bringing balance to our thinking is essential for our own well being and feeling a sense of peace.

Lets look at the two more closely

Externalization (Exos)

People who externalize their thoughts more are always thinking about outer things rather then focusing on themselves. They will tend to do more for others and put their life on the back burner. They will feel for others and others suffering much more than their own. The problem is, for those who over externalize, they forget to take care of their own needs and often end up in a position where they are not happy because they spend all there time focusing on others and neglecting the important areas of their lives that need lots of attention and TLC. They also procrastinate more as they tend to get easily distracted when something interesting catches their eye.

They will hold doors open for others.

Internalization (Intos)

People who internalize more are always focused on their own needs and neglect those around them. When they get a problem and they have someone around them who will listen they will chew that persons ears off with their problems. There problems will be the entire world to them and when something goes wrong, their world literally stops. They easily forget that other people will be going through issues similar to them and they will concentrate solely on what is happening to them. Because they are highly self focussed they will also tend to be quite successful in whatever persuits they undertake.

They do not hold doors open for others.

As a partnership, the Intos and the Exos combined make good couples as they tend to balance each other out. My former partner, she was more Into, and I was more Exo and that worked well for us as we found that we balanced each others perceptions and this is why we had such a great relationship and why we still have an amazing friendship.

Neither is better or worse than the other but when it comes to propelling yourself to future success you need to attain a good balance of the two. If you’re too externally focused or over internally focused you tip the scales and put yourself out of balance. In order to bring back that balance you have to even out what you focus on. Here’s how you can do this.

Firstly, you need to ascertain which of the two sums up who you are? Ask someone close to you who you know will not intentionally hurt you with the answer. Find out who you are and accept it with grace and dignity. When you establish that, below are the shift in perceptions that you need in order to balance your scales.

Internal Perceptions For Those Who Are More Exos

We still need a level of external focus. External focus is good and gives us beauty, contrast, and variety. When looking upon the outside world. Remember first and foremost that all of it is a manifestation of oneself. You created the sky, the oceans, the buildings, the seven wonders etc. You are the creator of it all. Evey part of your being is interconnected with what you perceive to be “out there”. When dealing with people who you perceive to be external from you, remember that you are they and they are you. You are intimately connected to these individuals at all times. When focusing on someone and helping that soul, remember that you are also and always helping yourself too. Helping yourself is inescapable. In reality we live for ourselves only. You are solely responsible for your decisions and outcomes. You cannot be held responsible for others.

External Perceptions For Those Who Are More Intos

Whatever problems you are now having, become more aware that those issues do not solely affect you. The fastest way to overcome something you maybe going through is to help someone overcome similar that they may be going through. Give them love, give them compassion and know that by helping them you are ultimately helping yourself too. By helping others we facilitate our future success because the more you give the more you get back. Take a look at the outside world once in a while. Become more aware of what is happening in the world There is more to the world than the one that revolves just around you. The world does not end when something bad happens to you. When you have a problem step outside of yourself, be the outside oberserver and observe your usual reaction…what does it tell you?

Which one are you and can you relate to one of those two persona’s?