Ever since it became 2012 I’ve had a truly fabulous feeling that this year is going to be amazing. I don’t just want amazing things to happen to me, I also want to make amazing things happen.

I feel it’s a year of experimentation and so what I’m going to do is each month of 2012 I’ll be setting myself a different 30 day challenge.

I have yet to plan what I’m going to do in each month but here are some of the ideas I’m toying with and may try…

1. 30 days of No T.V. – I’d hardly describe myself as a television addict but I do think sometimes I could make better use of my time. I’m going to give it up for a month and see what I can achieve with the extra free time.

2. 30 days of 5k. – It’s likely I’ll be doing this in February or March; since I’ll be running the Marathon in April this will contribute to my preparation. I got bored of running but I used to love it so I’m going to see if I can find the joy in it again.

3. 30 days of no speaking. – This will be a real challenge, especially considering I’m a radio presenter. The only way I’ll be able to do this is if I only speak for my show but at all other times I observe silence. If John Francis did it for 17 years I’m sure I can manage it for 30 days.

4. 30 days of fasting. – This will be incredibly tough since I love my food! I’m sure people would advise me against this challenge but I’m going to do it anyway just to see what the outcomes is.

5. 30 days of meditation. – I’m not going to spend the entire time in meditation, that would be impossible. I’m perhaps going to do 2 – 3 hours each day.

6. 30 days of selfless deeds. – I’m not sure about this idea as yet. This is something that someone suggested to me but I don’t really believe that any deed can ever be selfless so I’ll give this one a bit more thought.

7. 30 days of polyphasic sleep. – I tend to sleep in a biphasic pattern anyway but I again contemplating giving this a go.

8. 30 day to completely de-clutter. – As I was thinking of challenges for each month the idea of clearing my clutter came to mind. A few days later I saw Leo post about the Clutterfat Challenge and so it seemed like a bit of serendipity.

There are more ideas but those are just a few that I’m giving serious consideration to.

January

For January I decided I wanted it to be a month of productivity so I’ve given myself 30 days to finish writing my book. So far it’s going well and the plan is to have the bulk of the book finished by the 31st of January and have a synopsis with sample chapters ready to send to publishers.

So far I’ve written around 6000 words and expect the book to be anywhere from 30 – 50,000 words.

The reason I’m doing it this way is because I’ve always found that a time constraint has been a great motivator to me. I am inspired to write but I let the silly things get in the way of writing. This is why I also often use my 30 minute technique when writing articles.

What is the book about?

For now I’m keeping the book completely under wraps because it is a one of a kind. No one has written about the subject I’m covering or in the way that I am. It’s something completely new and my aims are simple; to make the readers laugh, cry and inspire them to do amazing things.

If you’ve lost your direction already for 2012 and your resolutions are already an #epicfail or they’ve flopped. Try challenging yourself for 30 days and see what you can do.

This is quite a challenging topic to address as there are so many angles to consider. It’s the kind of topic that I would not normally tackle but recent events forced look at this objectively and take measures to protect my reputation.

This issue will raise questions about ego and how much you can actually prevent rumours, whether it’s a waste of energy and resources or should you just simply ignore it.

Firstly, working the the media, being a radio presenter, working as a comedian and being a blogger culminate to put me in the limelight in quite a big way. If you are in a similar position where you do put yourself in the limelight the more open and exposed you become.

Rumours can be true or not and can just come from people who are haters or jealous of your success and they can even come from people who you thought were your friends.

Whatever the source, it needs to be dealt with in a prudent way.

In my personal opinion, to ignore it is to simply bury your head in the sand.

The other option is of course to take proactive measures to make sure it is stopped in it’s tracks. That’s exactly what I did and why I’m so glad.

Being Passive

Just because you consider yourself a spiritual person doesn’t mean you hope the problem goes away using the Law of Attraction or breaking out the candles that ward of evil spirits.

Being spiritual does not mean you have to be passive. I consider myself to be spiritual but I will always defend myself or those not strong enough to defend themselves.

Those Who Spread

It’s a sad truth that those who spread rumours are very weak and insecure. They are great marketers and have the gift of the gab so people will often buy into it. It stems from the need to belong.

When spreading rumours it enables them to connect with people and so they feel part of something bigger. They suddenly become interesting to those people and the response they get back is a bit like a drug. It feeds them and so then they feel the need to continue or that feeling will be lost.

Those Who Listen

In my opinion, those who pay attention to the rumours without either finding the truth out for themselves, or hearing the other side are much worse than the people who spread rumours. They also listen to feel a sense of belonging. In some cases it brings them joy to hear about the downfall of an individual.

Unfortunately it means they are also easily swayed and will believe pretty much anything they are told.

Both of those types are weak individually but feel powerful in groups that pay attention to them.

A person of true power, conviction and self respect will be feel powerful whether in a group or not; they will be indifferent to it.

Retaliation

When something like this occurs your first instinct might be to retaliate in some way! Do not retaliate! To do so puts you in the same category as the people who perpetuate or engage in gossip or hearsay.

You must fight the urge in every way possible and maybe even seek counsel until the feeling has passed.

Once it has, you can then move on and take the kind of action which is productive, not destructive.

Learning The Facts

It took a long time to piece together the puzzle of what these rumours were, how they got started and exactly how they were being perpetuated. I had to be careful that I wasn’t being a hypocrite and paying attention to hearsay.

The information I gathered from the many sources, the parts that tied up, are the parts you can relatively sure are true in the context of content of the rumours.

Pre-emptive Strike

This is not as harsh as it sounds. Basically I wanted to make sure I got to people first before anyone else did to make sure it was stopped in it’s tracks.

In the world of I.T. there is a concept in networking called spanning tree. It basically prevents loops in networks by putting network ports into a blocking state.

The pre-emptive strike is essentially the same principle. You essentially put blocks in to prevent the rumours going further. There is no guarantee of it’s success but it’s probably the best step you can take!

In this scenario I spoke to my peers, organisations where I volunteer or work at where I thought there was a chance of the rumour spreading to and even some social clubs at the first possible opportunity.

I explained that they was a chance that they would be hearing rumours about me. I said that they were not true, to not pay attention to them and that there are two sides to every story and should they ever wish to hear my side then they are more than welcome to ask me directly.

Once it was done I was relatively satisfied I’d put sufficient blocks in place to prevent the lies, hearsay and conjecture going any further.

Ego And Reputation

It this just an egoistic thing? Absolutely not! I for one have worked hard to be where I am today and to build that reputation. For someone to come along and potentially destroy it is simply not on!

“It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you’ll do things differently.”

– Warren Buffett

You only need look at tabloids to see the kinds of things said about celebrities that tear them down. Some bounce back, others do not. I’m writing this to make sure that should you ever be in the same situation that you are prepared and can bounce back.

I personally don’t read the tabloids and don’t care for gossip. Those people are human beings and whatever goes on in their personal lives is their business.

I’m so glad this all occurred for the following reasons.

i. It made me stronger and more resilient.
ii. It taught me how to deal with this should anything like this occur again.
iii. It taught me a lot about people and how to handle them.

I truly hope you never have to go through anything like this but should anything occur I truly hope that this helps you.

Just over a week ago it was Unlimited Choice’s 5th Blogthday.

Just as there are 7 dog years to every human year, the same goes for the digital plains (although I’d say is more like 10 digital years for every human year).

So in effect that makes me a bit of a grand pappy of the personal development blogosphere. I feel like I should have dentures by now, a pension and some warm slippers.

Like a fine wine, I’d like to think that I’ve matured over the years and become more precious with age. Some may say however, I’m a bit more like a mature cheese that’s just got more smelly, and only very few appreciate my fuller flavour.

Either way it’s a big milestone to have a personal development blog that’s had 200,000 hits and has over 542 articles to date. I feel in some way like a true artist who’s here for the long haul and not just to be a one hit wonder and to make a quick buck.

A Message To All Bloggers Or Those On A New Venture

So you’ve started, and that in itself is a massive step.

Progress in the beginning will be very slow and gradual. Early results will be disheartening and you’ll feel like you may be fighting a losing battle for recognition. The competition may overwhelm you and you will want to give up.

It doesn’t matter in which field you’re starting out. The odds will be against you succeeding. But that is the sweetness of the battle. There is nothing quite like the success of making it after a long fought battle. It makes the victory that much more delicious.

Every enemy, every word against you will be the catalyst that will ignite the fire in your belly to succeed. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve been told I should quit but I’m still here.

I’ve even sometimes been the person telling others to quit – not in the hope that they do, but in the hope that it makes them even more determined.

A Heartfelt Thanks

In the mean time I would just like to thank you. I would like to thank everyone who’s ever left a comment; or just swung by; or that’s told me that I’m an awful writer and blogger; or anyone that’s told me I should quit; or anyone who’s given me words of encouragement and guidance.

Each one has been equally important to me and so I can’t even begin to show my gratitude enough.

In terms of blogging over 2010 it’s been a pretty slow year for me but I assure you there is still plenty to come from me.

I still have around a zillion idea flowing around in my head and no doubt in 2011 you’ll see the majority of those ideas in the form of articles on this blog and as guest posts around the internet.

Keep moving forward, keep pursuing and persisting.

There is no such thing as giving up, only the shift of ideas from one pursuit to the other. Say thank you to everyone that supports you or even those who don’t. Above all, just make a start.

To all my wonderful friends and all those amazing strangers I may never even get to speak to who just quickly drift by, have a wonderful new year.

Today marks a special occasion as this post is number 500 on my blog. I launched the blog in December 2005 which basically means that I’ve written, on average, just over 100 blog posts each year since I began. I still remember clearly installing wordpress 1.5 and that it took me about 3 days overall to get the first version of the blog up and running. I had no clue how to do it, the benefits of blogging, or the joy it would bring me. One of my earliest articles – Free Will Vs Destiny/Fate/Karma is still one of my most popular to date.

When I first launched, I launched under my nickname URL which was www.donraja.com. After a month or so, I realised I wanted a name that reached out to people so I decided to try and get www.thepowerofchoice.com but all variations of that had gone. I looked into other URL’s and nothing quite fit the bill. One day I just typed in ‘unlimitedchoice’. It was available and it just seemed right. So I purchased that and have never looked back since. Shortly afterwards, to my amazement, I realised that Amit means ‘unlimited’ and of course ‘choice’ being my core philosophy, that I’d chosen the perfect URL.

I remember that it was two very close friends of mine who first suggested that I enter the world of life coaching and that I also begin a blog. We were sitting around playing poker and had this long discussion about blogging. It wasn’t really until about 6 months after I began that I realised the scope and the potential of what a blog could accomplish. It took time to develop my writing style and even to this day it’s still constantly evolving but I feel like my style and knowledge are a unique gift to the world.

From my most popular piece – Perception Vs Reality to my 100 Days of Wisdom series (which will soon be turned into an e-book) to my most commented piece on having a kick-ass day or, to my most controversial piece on Universtiy Education; there is something on this blog for everyone. There are even some business ideas which you are more than welcome to steal.

I am feeling quite emotional right now beause, regarless of what others think about me and my work, I’ve dedicated an enormous amount of time and creative energy to each and every article, to the design, to selecting the right pictures, etc. I would hazzard a guess that I’ve spent in the region of 20,000 hours on the blog or the equivalent of four straight months.

Since this is a momentus occasion for me I wanted to do something special and I decided to give something away! I realised that I had a sexy black 80Gb iPod 4G sitting at home doing nothing and then it hit me; why not give that away! Understand this folks; this is no ordinary iPod! No, no! This is a one-of-a-kind you will not find anywhere else in the world. What makes this iPod so unique? Engraved on the back is ‘The Power of Choice’. So not only will you be able to listen to your favorite tunes but you will also be reminded of your power to choose your life and your destiny. Ok, it has my name engraved on it too, but hey, I could be famous one day, and then it’ll just be worth even more!

No doubt there’s going to be a mad rush to win this iPod so I devised a two step process to enter:

1. On the top right you’ll see the ‘Smart Subscription’ box where you can enter your email address to get the latest post in your inbox when it’s published. So step one is to become a subscriber.

2. Leave a comment with a pearl of wisdom or some other powerful thought. Get creative and share your own brand of wisdom that will stay will stay on this blog forever.

3. (Optional) Look through my articles – stumble & tweet your favorite.

I will judge and the comment with the most poignant wisdom will get the iPod. It can cover any area of life like; physical, spiritual, vocational, family, personal growth, relationships. etc. The winner will also get to submit a guest post. The closing date to submit your comment will be Sunday the 11th of April.

Good luck and here’s to the next 500 articles!

Update – The competition is now closed. The winner was Zeenat Syal. – Congratulations!

On Wednesday I ran the JPMorgan 3.5mile run for my 4th year in a row. Each year so far I managed to run it a little quicker each time. The first year I ran it in 50 minutes. The second year I ran it in 45 minutes. The third year I ran it in 42 minutes and this year I ran it 39 minutes. Over the 4 years I’ve managed to slash 11 minutes off my time. It’s hardly a blistering pace but for someone with my BMI is a great time.

I changed my strategy this year just to see what would happen. I usually start off very slowly and let me body work out when to speed up. This year I consciously started off fast and almost burned myself out after 1K. I realised that I could fail but I just kept pushing and pushing. I really wanted to give up at one point but I wasn’t worried about failing. I decided early on that if this strategy made me fail then at least I’d learned the way not to run a race! I realised that failure is nothing to be afraid of. Change the way you feel about it. Learn to find the part about failure which, when you think about it, inspires you to try again without the ‘fear’ of failing. It’s the fear that keeps us from doing stuff and it’s also doing the things that give us fear that make us stronger.

How would your life be different right now if you no longer feared the failure and looked upon it as merely a destination through which you grow?

The WHAT-TIS Principle

Which force drives you more? Is it fear? Or is it regret? Both can be powerful motivators. They are not the only motivators but they are both very powerful none the less and can be highly influence the decisions that you make. Wherever your focus goes the most is ultimately how you will make your decisions. What thought is strongest? (WHAT-TIS)

Fear

You are facing a crucial life decision. A decision that could potentially take your life in two, very different, directions depending on what choice you make. It could be something as simple as either deciding to do something or to not do it. At this moment you’re feeling fear about deciding to do it. There is something that scares you about the unknown path and it’s giving you butterflies in the pit of your stomach. To not do it is the comfortable choice. To do it means that you will need to make sacrifices and suffer some discomfort even though it has the possibility of being very rewarding for the longer term. The fear swallows you up and soon that becomes your primary focus.

Regret

You’re facing exactly the same decision but instead of focussing on the fear you’re thinking from a future perspective. You’re thinking 10 years into the future and what you might feel if you don’t just go for it. You’ll be asking yourself : Will I regret this for the rest of my life? Will I always look back and wonder what about what could’ve been? The feeling of regret is stronger than the fear and you can’t live with not knowing how things might have turned out. The feeling of regret becomes your primary focus and you realise that regret is something that you cannot live with.

You can see from the two examples that both forces are powerful and totally antithetical. The former focusses on present feelings whereas the latter focusses on what feelings you may get in the future. You bring those feelings to the present and weigh up which is stronger. Whichever of the two you focus on the most lead to the respective feelings and you will then make your decision accordingly.

I wrote this to bring to you the alternative. If you always focussed on the fear then this will give you a different perspective and ultimately a different outcome to your life.

“The world will be what you make it. You can choose to build new bridges instead of building new walls. You can choose to put aside long-standing divisions in pursuit of lasting peace. You can choose to advance a prosperity that is shared by all people and not just the wealthy few,”

- President Barak Obama

The above quote was taken from President Barak Obama’s speech to the Turkish parliament in the closing stages of his tour of Europe. It’s wonderful to see the philosophy of choice now being employed by the most politically powerful man on the planet.

It’s a clear message and demonstration that given any set of circumstances you are in control and can decide which path to take. You may or may not know at the time which path is the right one for you there may not even be a right one! The decision you make is shaping your destiny. Even if the decision you make, at a later stage, you felt it wasn’t the best decision after all, at least you’ve learned! Be grateful for that learning.

Hi Everyone! I only just yesterday actually realised that today is the 3rd birthday of UnlimitedChoice! So 3 years and 428 articles later I’m still here, still going strong and I still feel like I’ve got many years of blogging still in me!

I just wanted to say a huge thank you to those of you who’ve left me comments, sent me messages and feedback and to all those I’ve connected with through this blog!

I also just wanted to add that I’ve just upgraded my WordPress to 2.7 and it works great!! If you haven’t tried it yet I highly recommend that you get yourself upgraded!

Here’s to the next 3 years of blogging!

I’m about to share a story that I haven’t shared with many people. I only just began doing so relatively recently because I wanted to use it as another way of helping people who may have been through or be going through something similar. About nine years ago I came very close to committing suicide.

Seeing Someone Do It

Before I continue that story I wanted to share something else. About 5 years ago, I was working in a building which had 21 floors and at the very top floor they had a cafe. One day I had to be in work early and so I got there and realised that in my haste I’d forgotten to have breakfast. I decided to go to the cafe and grab a coffee and some toast. The canteen had two sides of seating areas and in the middle was the counter. One side was non-smoking and the other was the smoking section. From the counter you could see both sides. I’d placed my order and was totally oblivious to what was about to happen.

From the non-smoking side I heard someone shout: “Oye, get down from there!” I had no clue who this guy was talking to but then I looked over towards the smoking section and realised that there was someone there who was trying leap from the window! I ran over as quickly as I could to stop them but it was too late. I was about 3ft from them when they jumped and plummeted to their death. It goes without saying that seeing something like that is very upsetting. After I got back downstairs I saw one of my colleagues and then I just burst out crying and hugged them.

I shared this story as I’ve been closer to it than most. Not only did I try it but I’ve seen someone else do it and I’ve also managed to stop other people from taking it any further too.

My Suicide Attempt

About 9 years ago my life wasn’t going too well and I decided that I’d had enough and that I wanted to end it all. I can’t remember exactly when it was, the day, the time or anything like that! I mainly remember being in that place and it will always serve as a reminder to me of somewhere I choose not to visit again.

Things were pretty bad and I had lots of problems including finances, health issues, very few true friends and a job I hated doing! I remember other parts of the day clearly though, I remember what I was wearing, I remember what I was thinking and I clearly remember how I was feeling. For me it was one of the darkest times I can remember about my life.

I recall that I wasn’t even sure how to kill myself. It’s a strange thought to have when you’re suicidal: “What’s the best way to kill myself?” But you do truly end up thinking about it. At the time the only option open to me was to slash my wrists. So, I got a knife, locked myself in the bathroom filled the tub with water.

I know many people say that people who are suicidal are very selfish because they don’t consider the people they will leave behind or what they have. That’s true but in reality when you’re in the suicidal state that type of thought is the last thing that enters your mind. The strange thing is that the people who say that, are right but, the person feeling suicidal needs something or someone to shift their focus. If neither of those come to them then they will likely go ahead and commit suicide. If they get intervention and someone knows how to shift the focus of someone who is feeling suicidal, quickly and effectively, then you can get them out of the suicide state.

Talking to them about what they might be leaving behind is not answer though; you need something more creative and smart.

Whenever I think back about it I’m reminded of the scene from the movie Pay it Forward where a woman is about to jump of a bridge and Jerry, the homeless drug addict, says to the woman: “Save my life! Have a cup of coffee with me?” What did that do? It shifted the woman’s focus completely away from her own problems and she realised that by not jumping she could in effect save someone else’s life.

So there I was, the tub filled with water, and I had the knife at the ready at my wrist. I was blank, cold and numb. I was feeling scared but also, in a topsy turvy kinda way, excited that everything could be over very quickly and soon all the pain would disappear! I pressed down on my wrist and nearly cut into my skin when something stopped me and a little voice just popped into my head and said: “Don’t worry; everything will be better tomorrow, just live for one more day!”

Suddenly I didn’t feel so bad. I thought “yep I’ll do one more day and if things don’t get better then I can always have another go!” So the next day came and I was feeling a bit better and so I didn’t feel the need to kill myself. The next day passed and another and still I didn’t feel like committing suicide again. I was still in pain, I was still very depressed but by then I felt a bit stronger and realised that I could get through it.

The next thing that happened was that I came across a story about a guy named Jerry (coincidence, or providence?) which can read here on the ‘About Amit’ page written in bold that made a huge difference to my life. I can’t remember who sent it to me but I do remember receiving it in an email and then later reading that very same story in the book ‘Chicken Soup for the Soul’. It was the message of that story that gave me the greatest hope to continue and turn my life around. The next big thing that entered my life and I can’t remember how was the book Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch. The combination of those two things assisted me in completely transforming my life around.

The final thing that helped me turn things around was the movie The Secret. I remember being one of the first to see The Secret about 3 years ago and it was as if that was the missing piece of the puzzle that pretty much enabled me to answer most, if not, all the question I had in life.

Why People Feel Suicidal

I’m not an expert on suicide by an stretch but all I’m doing is elaborating on the experience I’ve had with it and what I’ve learned from the whole journey; not just what I’ve been through but also what I’ve seen others go through to. The thing with suicide is that it involves an extreme of focus. The events that lead up to someone feeling suicidal cause the person to only focus on those things. Their peripheral vision narrows and they can only see the thing that got them to that point in the first place. Their thought patterns on that subject almost become habitual and as a result the feelings intensify as more time passes.

That is where a shift is needed and very things can cause a shift in the thought pattern but if you can find the right A:LKHG{OIEHFPWOEFHphfepowhfEPhfeipwdfUHPJFEI – Did that just shift your focus? Did you think for a second “Amit must have had a keyboard malfunction!” I didn’t but I knew that when reading that suddenly, if only for a brief second, you would thoughts would get interrupted and you would forget what I was talking about.

The principal for people who are having suicidal thoughts is similar. You can break that pattern and if you’re trying to help someone then you’re only job is to find a smart way of doing it!

If right now you’re feeling suicidal and you’ve just arrived at this blog post I want you to realise two things. Firstly through your own volition you’ve arrived here and secondly that you can’t deny that the timing is beyond coincidence; there is something greater that brought you here, a force far greater that you or I. Call it providence, call it fate or destiny, personally I don’t think the term matters but I do believe we’ve all arrive into the right place and right time.

Helping Suicidal People

This part could be potentially controversial because there are all sorts of ethics that come into play when it comes to suicide. You are in essence taking responsibility and putting for the life of another human being in your own hands. It’s not a question of whether you should or not but rather, the decision by you, on whether you choose to help them or not. So ask yourself whether you are helping them any more or less by choosing not to help them? That should stump you for a while. If anyone does come to me and say they are feeling suicidal then I choose to help them in anyway possible which will include pointing them in the direction of some sort of professional counselling service.

People have always said to me that I make them feel better just by them being in my company and so that’s always the first thing I’ll do is just give people my time. That first step is sometimes enough to make them reverse their decision to end their life. Maybe in fact it’s all they needed; for someone to pay attention to them. I will not leave it there though as, on its own; giving people attention is not enough to change someone’s whole attitude to their current situation.

There is a myth that you need to listen to someone harp on about their problems and I personally don’t like that method. From my experience it perpetuates the problem. I’m an action taker and I’d much rather give people constructive help by asking a whole different set of questions. If they’ve been asking themselves “why is this happening to me?” then I’ll ask them “how has this event given you a new set of tools to deal with life?” but before I do I might throw in a distraction or two and ask them something like “do you remember the first time you drove a car?”. What did that do? Suddenly they’re not focusing at all on the depressing thoughts and instead they’re thinking about something that is most likely a fun memory!

I love this quote from Viktor Frankl

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

My goal is simply to get someone to understand that before the response there is a choice and it is the choices we make in those spaces that ultimately change and determine where our life goes.

Following On

After performing those initial steps I’ve always found that I’ve done enough to help that human soul move up and beyond that path of self destruction to one of self creation. What else is life except a path of creation at each step?

If someone has come to you asking for you help how do you know what a suitable point is for you to cut off contact and let them go off on their own? Again, from experience I can say that it’s something they will do naturally and my advice to you would be to not force or resist the process. Let it happen naturally and support them through the transition. You will find that they will stop contacting you as much and they will start doing things without telling you and they’ll even surprise you as time goes by. These are all good signs which is why I say let them progress naturally.

Managing Your Own Expectations

You’ve done something for someone else and it’s natural to expect something in return. Even if it’s something as small as loyalty which is why I’m giving you the warning in advance that if you catch yourself experiencing this then you’re in a good place and you can then become aware and then slowly let those expectations go.

—

There are so many directions I could take this article in but I realised it could end up being potentially extremely long so I kept the scope of it quite narrow. I hope that it’s helped two kinds of people specifically. Those who are feeling suicidal and those who have been approached for help by someone who is feeling suicidal. I want you to know that you are not alone. There is no shame in feeling that way and know there is a way out. Reach out and ask for help! You may even be surprised at who comes to your aid! Not all people are clairvoyant and know what you are going through so just speak up and get some help. You will never regret that step.

No one ever does.

I managed to get these from Simran’s Quotations Blog and I decided to post them here.

The links to the original page of quotes

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George Eliot:

The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice.

Denis Waitley:

There are two primary choices in life; to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.

Benjamin Franklin:

They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.

John Wayne:

Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It’s perfect when it arrives and puts itself in our hands. It hopes we’ve learned something from yesterday.

Kahlil Gibran:

We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.

Frank Swinnerton:

We would rather be in the company of somebody we like than in the company of the most superior being of our acquaintance.

Leo Buscaglia:

What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life.

Edgar A. Guest:

You are the person who has to decide. Whether you’ll do it or toss it aside; you are the person who makes up your mind. Whether you’ll lead or will linger behind. Whether you’ll try for the goal that’s afar. Or just be contented to stay where you are.

Neil Peart:

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.

Liz Carpenter:

Instead of looking at life as a narrowing funnel, we can see it ever widening to choose the things we want to do, to take the wisdom we’ve learned and create something.

Napoleon Hill:

It is always your next move.

Jean Nidetch:

It’s choice – not chance – that determines your destiny.

Pat Riley:

Look for your choices, pick the best one, then go with it.

Frederick Bailes:

Man’s power of choice enables him to think like an angel or a devil, a king or a slave. Whatever he chooses, mind will create and manifest.

Buddy Hackett:

My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.

Oprah Winfrey:

Right now you are one choice away from a new beginning – one that leads you toward becoming the fullest human being you can be.

Victor E. Frankl:

The last of the human freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.

Gene Roddenberry:

A man either lives life as it happens to him, meets it head-on and licks it, or he turns his back on it and starts to wither away.

Alexander Solzhenitsyn:

A man is happy so long as he choose to be happy.

Mary Lou Retton:

As simple as it sounds, we all must try to be the best person we can: by making the best choices, by making the most of the talents we’ve been given.

William Jennings Bryan:

Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.

Zig Ziglar:

Every choice you make has an end result.

Aristotle:

For what is the best choice, for each individual is the highest it is possible for him to achieve.

Jim Rohn:

Happiness is not by chance, but by choice.

Unknown Author:

Happiness or unhappiness is often a matter of choice.

Wayne Dyer:

Heaven on earth is a choice you must make, not a place we must find.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross:

I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime.

John F. Kennedy:

Things do not happen. Things are made to happen.

Bonjour! I just got back yesterday after having a lovely short break in Paris with a dear friend of mine. We had a bundles of fun, the weather was gorgeous, and we managed to see all the amazing sites that Paris has to offer! We also managed to meet up with another close friend that lives in Paris and she took us on a tour of the more cultural and authentic parts of the city. We went by Eurostar train and as It usally takes about 2.5 hours each way so I wanted to use that opportunity to catch up on my reading.

Hay House publishing kindly sent me a copy of Steve Pavlina’s new book ‘Personal Development for Smart People’, and since I was going to have plenty of time during the journey, I thought I would take it with me to read on the train. There’s something I find really relaxing and soothing about long train journey’s and so reading for me, on a train, is the ideal activity!

As a fellow blogger and an avid personal development book reader I naturally have my own flavour of what I like to see in the personal development books that I read so without further ado…lets jump right in!

Firstly I wanted to talk about the asthetics of the book. It’s not normally something that matters to me but one of my friends mentioned to me she’s very cautious about which books she reads on the tube or train; the reason being because she works for a big firm in the city and worries about the type of the image it gives off. Well, according to my friends criteria, Steve’s book scores highly in the asthetics area. There are no pictures on the cover, only wording, and of the title the words ‘Smart People’ are in larger writing than the rest. I asked my friend if she would be comfortable reading this on the tube and the woman from they city…she say yes!

This is Steve’s first book and is just over 250 pages long. One of the core themes in the book is his personal philosophy of self experimentation. Sounds more painful than it is! Rather than just listening to what you’ve been told about a particular subject or about particular lifestyle choices, Steve recommends that you try for yourself and judge by your own results. He suggests doing 30 day trials. From his own experience two 30 day trials he has done are switching to a vegan diet and polyphasic sleep. He goes into some detail about the results of those experiments in the book and you can also find out more information on his blog.

I can speed read up to 1500 words and minute which can vary greatly depending on the book I’m reading. If the book is well written and is easy to follow then the faster I can read it. If it is not then the harder it is to read at spead. I found this book exceptionally easy to speed read and even on a moving train. There is something I love about his style of writing which has a natural flow and an almost hypnotic and trance enducing feel. Once I got going I couldn’t put the book down. His message was unconsciously persuasive and I found myself putting into practise some things from the book while I was in Paris without even thinking about it.

The book itself is divided up into two parts: 1) Fundamental Principles and 2) Practical application. Steve has come up with 7 fundamental principles of personal growth with the 3 core principles being truth, love and power. The second part of the book is all about applying those principles to the areas of life that we can all relate to such as health, relationships and money. The principles are universal to all the areas of life that you may consider important and he has created and included some very simple methods and strategies of incorporating them as part of your life including a list of 66 productive habits! Steve also touches on familiar subjects like the law of attraction and also gives his veiw on how to apply them properley rather than just waiting for things to happen.

For anyone who’s not familiar with Steve’s blog and his style of writing he has a very, no nonsense, honest and to the point style of writing and he has maintained this approach for the book. His ethos is a common sense approach to living a life with purpose and doing it consciously. Throughout the book, a strong point that comes across, which is also in line with the message that I put out through this blog, and that is you have the power of choice. It is up to you to build your own awareness that at each moment you have a choice as to what step you take next and how you take it.

One thing in particular I like about this book is that Steve is very honest about his past failures. Sometimes when you read personal development books the author can often over look the process of how they got to where they are now. When reading other books in the past, I’ve felt like that the author didn’t go through the same struggles as I was having, they made it sound easy which in turn led me to feel bad about myself. That’s something that Steve does differently. He is very open about his past and his failures and he puts and entertaining spin on them which helped me and it’s something I feel will help most readers to feel a deeper connection with Steve and in turn you also won’t feel badly about your failures.

There are some great quotes throughout the book; some familiar, for example, there were quotes from ‘The Prophet’ by Khalil Gibran and some quotes which I have never heard before. There was a poem that Steve included in the book which I had never come across but I can understand why it was one of his favorites from when he was younger!

Another thing you might find with some personal development books is that they can sometimes be a bit fluffy in nature and so, unless you’re a bit of a spiritual, mantra chanting nut, it won’t necessarily always appeal to everyone. This book may finally crack that and bridge the gap between those who are self help junkies and those people who would normally never pick up a book of this genre.

There was very little that I can say as a downside to the book although being completely honest I could tell that that this was a first book. From a personal development stand point there was nothing new to me in this book but there were different ways of applying what I already know. While reading I found it hard to put the book down and I did very much enjoy the heart warming stories stories that he shares from applying one of his principles of oneness especially when it comes to relationships. Anyone who has struggled with relationships in the past, in whatever capacity, will definitely benefit from this book.

Verdict:

The book gets my double thumbs up. I can relate to Steve a lot as I feel our journey has been very similiar in many ways and I feel we share a very similar view of life and how to live. I think you will relate to Steve’s journey and message especially if you have dismissed your dreams because a lack of self worth or lack of qualifications. If you have then this book will be definitely be inspiring to you! I’m sure once you’ve read the book you’ll also agree with me about Steve’s brutal beautiful honesty and his passion for what he does will most certainly bring that out in you too.

For more information about Steve Pavlina and the book visit http://www.stevepavlina.com

The book is availabe to buy from Amazon now!

On Sunday evening I was once again performing stand-up comedy at a bar in Ilford called the IG1 bar. It was a hugely successful event and we always spend time with the crowd afterwards to find out what they thought and to get plenty of feedback. The overall feedback was that everyone really enjoyed themselves and wanted more! We had about 60 people come along and the setting was an open bar with round tables and people sitting around enjoying themselves. It’s the first time I think as a group that we have done an event in that kind of setting. It is usually the theatre kind of setting that we perform in so this brought with it a different kind of learning experience that and I really enjoyed. That setting for some reason just feels more intimate and personal and also I think because it reminds me of other comedians I’ve seen performing at similar events.

While I was there it was an opportunity for me to practise WFP1 – being in the moment. Just before it was my turn to perform and I centered myself and became present in the moment. I didn’t worry about how the future and how I would perform and I didn’t stress about the past and whether I had practised enough. I had someone ask me how to be in the moment and there are a few simple techniques. Try this one to begin with: While doing any movement, become consciously aware of the inner processes going on that allow that to happen. E.g. As you get ready to sip your drink, become aware of how it is all happening. How your brain is communicating that desire to your arm so that it then carries out the intended function.

This weeks focus point is slightly different and it’s more about tangible practise as opposed to inner awareness. I mentioned this on John Assaraf’s blog as it coincided with something he mentioned. How often do you sit back and observe your inner chatter? Most of that inner chatter is either evaluation or questions and a lot of the time it’s neutral but it’s the meaning we give to that which we think that creates what we perceive to be negative or positive. What do you think about yourself? If you have a low opinion of yourself you’ll no doubt you’ll feel bad when you think about how other people perceive you. If you have a high opinion of yourself you’ll look down at other people. Somewhere in the middle is a healthy respect for yourself and others. You don’t put yourself or others on a pedastol and you don’t negate yourself. To find the balance here is a good exercise you can try.

Many self employed people and in particular on personal development websites you will see that the person in question has written a 3rd person bio about themselves. If you’ve never done one before, try writing one! Even though I have done one for this blog I will be writing another one soon for a specific project I will be working on. In that bio I will be focussing more skills that concern that particular project.

It’s an interesting process and can be a bumpy one! We find it so easy to criticise ourselves and much harder to think highly about ourselves. Not in an arrogant way but in a way that condusive to not only bringing out the best in you but the best in others also. So grab a pen an paper or switch on your laptop and go ahead and write a 3rd person bio about yourself that is not arrogant but honest and that demonstrates qualities and traits you believe thats represents you as a wholesome character who oozes confidence and self respect.

Here’s one I made earlier!:

“Amit is a man of many talents. Not only does he run his own business as a Life Coach but Amit also undertakes challenges and pursuits of a huge variety. Amit spends much of his time working with and coaching children from walks of life with the aim of self-empowering youths. Coupled with this Amit hosts a Radio Show called ‘Backchat’ which is a topical youth talk show aimed at the 13 – 25 market and it’s purpose it to not only talk about but tackle some of the toughest issues affecting the younger generation. Amit also volunteers at an organisation called PACE which is charity which encourages and promotes the inclusion of young disabled people in sports. In his spare time Amit is an amateur stand-up comedian and regularly appears as part of the Humili-Asian amateur comedy nights. So far Amit has performed in front of crowds of 200+ and believes that humour is one of the most powerful mediums through which human beings can be inspired. Amit is also a keen badminton player and has many other hobbies like chess, music, running, solving puzzles, reading, driving, travelling, and gadgets.”

There we have it, simple, to the point, gives some good information about me and lets people know what I do and makes it easy for them to connect with me. There’s always room for improvement but it’s a step in the right direction. Remember that the purpose of this exercise is to redress the balance in the way that you think about yourself and break the habit of the negative self talk that you might be used to and replace it with more constructive productive self talk.

As always try this exercise for yourself and if you wish post up your own personal bio here in the coments!

Flexibility

In times of change, it is the learners who will inherit the earth, while the learned will find themselves beautifully equipped for a world that no longer exists.

– Al Rogers

I love the above quote and I only just remembered to include it while writing this post. This post was sparked by the news today of the collapse of the giant US investment bank Lehman Brothers. Even though the media will always put the most disastrous spin on any event, todays news does give an insight of how things are in terms of the global economy.

No matter what happens, those who are flexible will be the ones who will be able to excel, nomatter what conditions transpire whether that be due to the economy or any other event that causes a global shift. Find a way of embracing change learn to nurture with yourself the key skill of flexibility. If your first reaction is one of fear or doubt change it by instead asking yourself: “How can I make the event at hand work for me?

Continuous personal evolution

We think that as human beings we are who we are. We are actually in a continuous flux of change and adaptation. The first time you stepped up to a computer did you know how to use it? No. You evolved your thinking around that new device and once you started to get used to it you began to think about how else you could use it.

Have you ever seen one of the scenes in a movie where the character might say something like. “I can’t change who I am.” I’ve heard a few people say that in real life too. That’s bull! You are deciding who you are moment to moment. The colour of your skin doesn’t define who you are. Your disability doesn’t define who you are. Your height doesn’t define who you are. Your decisions and choices define who you are.

As time goes by we have choice or whether to adapt and evole with the times or sit in a couch and reminisce about how good it was back in the day compared to now. You decide!

The debate about what happens after death will continue well into this century but I have no doubt that one day soon we will have, not just the technology, but the ability to know and go beyond at will.

My personal views aside, I believe there is way too much evidence, of the afterlife, for non-believers to try and dismiss altogether.

I wanted to share a little bit about what I have experienced around dealing with death, my personal beliefs, some additional challenges you can expect and how to overcome them.

Also, how to cope with the loss and most importantly how you can turn the tragedy into something more than just a painful experience. I would go as far as to say it can be a blessing rather than a curse.

My Sister

Earlier this month my sister, Sheila, passed away. She was diagnosed with breast cancer 6 years ago but opted not to have conventional treatment. She chose to take alternative forms of treatment but didn’t always follow through with them.

In the last 8 weeks of her life, my sister couldn’t eat and in the last 3 weeks or so, should could barely hold down liquids. She passed away at hospital while my father was with her which was appropriate as he spent the last four weeks caring for her full time.

I consider myself very lucky in many ways as, a month or so earlier, I was with John Demartini at his ‘Breakthrough Experience’ weekend in London and we conducted a process called the ‘Quantum Collapse’. We were asked to select a person that had pushed our buttons or challenged us in some form and chose that person for the task. My sister had indeed pushed my buttons, and I hers, but none the less we had a lot of love for each other and a good understanding of the others needs. The process enabled me to feel more gratitude and love for my sister and in many ways I feel the reason that I have been able to let go much easier.

It was even more so the case because a few months prior to her passing, I was at her house in the morning before work, and we ended up having a heated argument. I remember I called into work that day to let them know that I wouldn’t be in and Sheila and I continued our discussion. It was because of that day that we both gained a greater understanding and appreciation of each other. It all ended with smiles and laughter. As far as people go Sheila and I were both totally different individuals; like chalk and cheese you might go as far to say.

Death & Beliefs

Most importantly for me I don’t believe in death. I only believe in death so far as the body becoming a corpse but the soul continuing its journey. Technically even the body doesn’t die. The matter and energy remain constant but changes it’s form or presentation. The ashes are still billions of atoms that were once the vehicle for my sister.

Isn’t is amazing how when we’re born, we’re approximately 9lbs in weight. When We’re cremated, our ashes are about 9lbs in weight.

The body itself, whilst alive, is constantly changing. You are not the same person you were two years ago. You are 100% brand new! Every atom and every cell has changed and the thing the maintains the memories and persona is the soul. Even though deep down I know all this to be true when the death first occurs you cannot help but feel saddened, grief and shed a few tears.

My Experience

When it happened I was unaware as I was driving to the hospital. As I walked into the room I asked my dad how she was and that’s when he told me that she had passed away. Naturally there was the initial shock to deal with and so my dad and I sat with her for a couple of hours before her body was taken away. For a small portion of that time I decided to keep myself occupied so I started to call the family and inform them of what had happened.

Later that evening my family and I had the chance to all go and see the body together in the morgue; that was important as it allowed us all to grieve together. Over the course of the next few days I had to take various family members to the morgue and so I spent a lot of time with the body. I considered this a blessing as it allowed me to almost become immune to the emotional effects of seeing the body.

Towards the end just before she passed away she did look very ill but after passing away her body looked incredibly peaceful so that was another reason I didn’t feel the effects as much. She did have a large lump on her forehead crossing over into her scalp but after she passed that lump seemed to disappear.

When looking at a dead body you can’t help but feel that any second the person in front of you is going to wake up. Another thing that people often notice or observe is that the body appears to breathe. That is not the first time I’ve seen that on a dead body.

My parents are Hindu and so we observed the Hindu tradition of doing the 13 days of prayer. Every evening family would gather and we would sing Hindu prayer hymns. The purpose of the prayers is to give the soul a peaceful passing. During the day of the funeral we had an open casket and the priest who came did a traditional Hindu ceremony. My brothers and I adorned her body with little bits of blessed food, flowers and new clothes and then after which the body was cremated.

We also decided to dedicate a song to her so we chose a song called ‘Joy’ by Blackstreet and Marvin Gaye. I remember on the day that my sister passed away I was driving to the studio to do my radio show as normal and I heard that song on the radio which I hadn’t heard in years. I just thought “what a beautiful song; I’ve got to get my hands on a copy”. A few days later I found that song on Sheila’s phone; it was one of only a handful of songs on her phone and it just seemed perfect to dedicate to her. If you are ever in this situation you may also experience certain synchronicities that occur. Call them accidents, call them coincidences; I can assure you they are much more than just that.

The Effects Of Death

Initially dealing with death can bring people closer together but just as quickly it can also drive a wedge between people; something I’ve seen first hand. The beauty of death is that is can remind you to live. Death will initially increase the value of life and will often get people to re-evaluate life. It’s a time when you will feel like making some sharp decisions about life. It’s good to act quickly to follow through since the sense of urgency will be fresh in your mind.

If we could remember those thoughts and feelings throughout our lives, about how short life is, then think of where your life would be today? How would your life be different? How would you treat people differently knowing that tomorrow they might not even be there? Suddenly you start to appreciate those around you more. You start to feel grateful for what is already in your life rather than thinking about what more you could have.

After my sister passed away, my two closest friends, on separate occasions both said the same thing to me: They both said: “A death of a close relative will always reveal peoples true colours.” They weren’t wrong! You would think that a death would bring out the sympathetic side of people but I’ve seen it bring out the most selfish side in people you will ever see. It will add to the challenge of dealing with the grief and all you can do is handle it honestly.

There is no point in holding back your opinion especially if it’s just to pacify people. Speak your mind and let people know why. Once it is said and done go within and offer your gratitude to those people for helping you to grow. That is their sole purpose. Revealing to you a side of yourself you have yet to love. It of course flows both ways but they might not know that. You cannot control the reaction of others, only you can choose how you deal with the way others react.

Over time thoughts will come into you mind and you will realise there are things to deal with. The big thing of course is money. Any time the subject of money comes along again I believe it also reveals the true colours of any individual. If you were especially close to the person then dealing with any estates and money can bring fourth guilt and that is completely natural. If anything, if you feel guilt, it is a testament to your character. However you feel, know that you are just doing what needs to be done.

Dreams and memories are another big thing that will be a big impact on you over the grieving period. I said to someone recently that the purpose of us having the ability to let our memories fade is so that the pain eases. If we had perfect recall then we would always experience the pain.

No one likes to admit that they are forgetting the person or that the pain is easing but it will as your habit of recalling those memories will lessen. Having a strong focus and purpose in life will naturally also be of benefit to you and will assist the process of knowing any tradegy, no matter how great can also bring with it and equally powerful blessing. I know that this point will be a tough pill for most people to swallow but all you need to do is look for them.

I don’t just believe, I know that although you will no longer be with your loved one physically, they will continue their journey and you will always be connected with them spiritually. Just last night my mother saw an apparition of Sheila and I had a dream about her. That connection is something that is intangible and can never be broken.

What Death Can Mean For You

Ultimately we are all connected but naturally you will feel an affinity to those who you’ve shared a journey and I believe that sharing having a much deeper purpose. You shared a journey with that soul for a reason and it is for that reason that you will be reunited with them in some form or fashion in the future.

Above all there is one key message here I wish to share with people. I want you to know that death is something we must all face whether that be as a participant or a witness to. Know that it is on it’s way and live your life accordingly. Prepare for it, for it is less likely to come unexpectedly to those who know it is never far away.

Those who truly understand death will be the kind of people who live according to that dharma and shine as a result. They will act as if there is no tomorrow and will live life passionately and purposefully without taking it too seriously. So be grateful for the present moment as it is the only true fragment of time by which we can live and act.

Lastly, here is that song I was talking about earlier. The video and song are so beautiful.