At some point in your life you are going to be called upon to speak in front of some kind of audience.

It could be in any capacity for example; giving a best wo/man speech; or talking about your company’s performance at your annual stockholders meeting.

The big question is, is it going to be the kind of speech that leaves people feeling energised and gagging for more? Or will it leave people doing that thing where they have to try and disguise their yawns as a deep breath?

I’ve given hundreds of talks and each time I’ve learned something new to make the next one better. I’ve done some bad ones and some good ones. Luckily my bad ones weren’t terrible and the good ones always got plenty of compliments.

All that I’ve learned is through trial, error, and practise. I’ve also used my experience as a comedian to make what I say more engaging and and funny. Use these 7 tips so your next speaking engagement is memorable…in a good way.

1. Relaxing Openers

If you get nervous you’ve got find a way to relax. I still get nervous so my technique is simple. I find a good opener. Something that will break the ice and get people laughing in the first minute. I’ll give you an example.

I was hosting a singles event on Saturday and before I did the icebreakers I gave a quick talk to the attendees. I started with something like: “Welcome and thank for you coming…I’ve only been invited with one purpose…as eye-candy! The organisers thought having a pretty face such as mine will definitely bring the punters in.”

Simple and effective. I felt relaxed and people laughed.

2. Stories

Have a rehearsed anecdote ready. Any story relevant to your event. I was giving a talk to some youngsters recently and I was telling them my experience of how I completely flopped at high school.

It’s a funny story of how I broke the news to my parents. It’s not entirely true. I just say it in a way that makes it entertaining and relevant to the audience. When I told the story I had them cracking up!

3. Pauses

If you do that thing where you hold your breath as you talk and run out of air. Use a pause for effect and use that moment to catch your breath. Use eye contact to hold peoples attention as you segue between sentences.

4. Jokes

Jokes are good for any occasion and can be used at any time. If you want to see a good example of this watch Sir Ken Robinson giving his talk on Ted about creativity. He drops in his jokes at random times just to keep the audience engaged. You can do the same!

5. Questions

If you get stuck at any point you can use to this trick to get back on track. Ask the audience if you’re going too fast or if they have any questions so far? You can always repeat that at the end but it’s a great technique in case you’ve veered off track and have lost your chain of thought.

I’ve done similar things whilst doing comedy but instead I started a conversation with a member of the audience. It worked just the same.

6. Activities

As part of your talk you can include an activity and the sky’s the limit with what you can do. Again, so long as it’s relevant in some way to your presentation you can pretty much do anything.

If it’s something fun, your audience will love you even more. In fact the magic is that they do all the work but they’ll credit you at the end for making it fun.

7. Slow Down

I generally talk very fast which is fine but it’s good to remind yourself occasionally to slow down if you’re a fast talker like me. Alternately if you do speak fast then just pause and do a quick summary before you continue.

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Simple and effective tips. If you want to get better at speaking then contact me for one-on-on coaching.

I’ve been blogging for over 5 and half years and even though I have a good readership, in the grand scheme of things, I’m still a small-time blogger.

I know many people who wish they could start-up a blog but they feel that competition is too great. They feel lost in a sea of both giants and smaller fish. They think ‘how could I ever stand out?’

In the classic story of David Vs Goliath, it is shown that the small can conquer the big. You only have to watch WWE wrestling to see people like Rey Mysterio or Sin Cara taking on the people who are twice as big and emerging victorious.

It’s true, there are an unlimited number of small bloggers and smaller number of popular, well-known bloggers, but in total, they comprise a significant figure. The principle and thought process is exactly the same if you were starting a business or any other kind of venture.

You could let the fear of the competition stop you from taking the plunge and you’ll then never know what you could’ve accomplished.

In any industry, you will be in juxtaposition to competitors big and small, but there’s a few advantages that you will always have to the big playa’s!

1. Niche development

Most of the bigger players have a very solidified niche which is very difficult to escape from. One of the biggest bloggers out there, I get the email updates of the new posts regularly and typically it’s the same content, again and again, totally rehashed.

I’m very bored of seeing the same content over and over again. There’s plenty to be created and explored but they cannot because they are stuck.

This is where you can fine tune your niche. Create a new one or one that will somehow live on for always. I don’t think the nice of ‘living consciously’ will ever disappear and I’m only ever limited by my imagination.

2. Experimenting

Because I’m small I have the opportunity of being creative and trying something a bit different.

It may not always work but, I can take bigger risks. Any flops I can chalk down to experimentation.

I can then repeat the experimentation process until I hit jackpot. You can’t really experiment when you’re a big player. You’ll lose clients and readers and most importantly, they’ll probably think you’ve lost the plot.

3. No one will steal your ideas

The other advantage of being small is that people are less likely to steal your ideas. You have less to protect and much less to lose. You don’t have to look far into the papers to see some new lawsuit being filed against the poor Mark Zuckerberg. I don’t envy him at all and I definitely don’t ever want to be in that position.

Another big one was recently was the whole Nokia Vs Apple fiasco which has been finally resolved but there were lawsuits and counter lawsuits flying back and fourth. It was a real mess.

4. More personal connections

The other wonderful thing about being a smaller player is the connections you form with your loyal clients/readers. I know many other bloggers and have connected with them, in some cases, in person.

Staying with the example of blogging. The challenge that the larger players have is that they don’t know whether people are connecting with them to enrich them or to leech from them. Not all of them, but some of the one’s I’ve met or come across, have themselves come across as a bit guarded because they don’t know what to expect from the people they meet.

5. Respect flows both ways

The reverse is also true. Not only will you feel closer to your clients, to the people you serve, but they will also feel closer to you. So long as you don’t betray that trust, the connection will remain.

I only have to think about my relationship with my bank recently and I feel angry and frustrated at the way I’ve been treated. The only reason I’ve been treated this way is because it’s such a giant entity, the concept of ‘personal connection’ is totally lost and can never be revived.

The benefit of being small is that your clients will show you appreciation when you treat them well and likewise, you will have the time to treat your clients as individuals and real people rather than just a big clump of money.

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Do no despair if you are a new blogger or you are starting a new business in a crowded market. Just as you will be at a disadvantage, equally, you will have countless advantages over the competition. You just have to truly see it for what it is.

I’m very excited today to be able to bring you my new ebook – How To Be The Chosen One – 20 ways of standing out from the crowd.

It’s completely free to download, all I ask is that you subscribe to my blog by clicking the new book icon on the right.

I’ve prepared a short video to explain what the book is about…watch all the way right the way through to the end!

Hope you enjoyed the video!

As I mentioned, this is an incredibly challenging time for all of us. It’s more important now, than ever, that we stand out; that we let our uniqueness do the talking. It was on the news recently about how there are now a record number of young people out of work and that unemployment, in general, is rising.

Now we could all move to China where things are flourishing, or alternately, we could find more innovate ways of being selected. Here’s where my book will come in handy.

If you know of someone, who is struggling to find work, send this link to them. If you know of someone, who’s business hasn’t quite yet taken off. Send this link to them.

It’s for anyone and everyone. Whether you’re going to TV auditions, going for interviews or anything of the like, I hope in some way this book will help you be the one to stand out. I’m always available for one-on-one coaching also but this book is the sum of what I’ve learned while going to auditions, interviews and pitching for clients.

Naturally, I kindly ask that you help me spread the word by tweeting, or stumbling this post or sending it to anyone you know who could really do with some inspiration in a time that’s difficult for all of us.

I’d love any feedback or comments about the book, feel free to leave one below or get in touch using the contact form.

Yesterday I received a piece of hate mail.

Actually, I’m probably being a bit too harsh; I wouldn’t actually class it as hate mail so much as more a kind of strong criticism mail. Either way, I’ve decided to respond to it here.

This isn’t the first time I’ve received mail of this kind.

I’ve had plenty before, and to an equal degree complimentary messages too, but the reason I decided to respond in this way is because although the person gave me their name, they didn’t leave a return email address; the name may also not be real.

Now why have I chosen to respond? Am I offended by the remarks? Nope. Was I upset? Nope. Did I go have a cry in a corner? Nope.

The Truth be told, I would generally not pay that much attention to, let alone respond to any messages of this nature, but this one especially caught my attention.

There were tones in the message that were reminiscent of the way I used to think and it actually inspired me to write about the journey of my shift in thinking.

So, here is the message I got sent through my contact form:

“Dude,

Those fees are a rip-off! Passing on knowledge and wisdom is something that should be done for free or a minimal charge at best but your obviously trying to make a quick buck.

Who is really going to take a “life coach” who also provides “comedy” seriously (and that too quite immature having looked at some of the clips).

Sort yourself out mate – find out what really makes you tick – coaching / comedy and take that track – don’t try and be all things to all people but dig deep and search for who you are.

As for those fees, the people who really need coaching and help may not even be able to pay you £10 as hour – are you passionate about helping those who may really need your help?”

To begin with, I tend to feel the same way about hate mail as I do when someone pays me a compliment. It makes me smile, but I try not to let it go to my head.

I try and think about the higher purpose I’m serving by doing all that I do.

I’m going to examine what was said and give my reasons for my decisions accordingly.

Believe me when I say that I’m not doing this to appease the haters. I’m doing this to illustrate my reasons for doing what I do because I believe them to be right for me.

Lets start with the first part:

“Those fees are a rip-off! Passing on knowledge and wisdom is something that should be done for free or a minimal charge at best but your obviously trying to make a quick buck.”

I agree and I pass on my knowledge and wisdom for free. I’ll let the 5000 hours or so or hard grafting that I’ve put in over the last 5 years on this blog speak for itself.

Almost every article is here to provide people with knowledge and wisdom and thanks to the beauty of the internet they are all for free.

I’ve been an unpaid radio presenter for well over 3 years, I’ve worked with disabled children voluntarily for over 5 years and I’ve been giving talks and working with kids in schools for over six years.

Did I mention that my e-book is also free?

So that eliminates the ‘quick’ and the ‘buck’ is a separate matter altogether so we’ll come to that later. I rarely do things for the short term…unless it is making love to a woman in which case, yes, I am pretty quick.

Wow, look at that cool segue to bring me nicely onto the comment about my immature comedy and the fact no one will take my coaching seriously.

“Who is really going to take a “life coach” who also provides “comedy” seriously (and that too quite immature having looked at some of the clips).”

Your honour, I refer you to exhibit A, an article I wrote in September 2009 called ‘Spirituality & Dirty Jokes – Are They Mutually exclusive?’

I don’t know why some people have this image in their mind that all coaches need to be these anally retentive types with no personality?

I used to be one such person, I used to be a “coach” everywhere I went but then I realised that I didn’t need to try and be a coach to every person I met. I didn’t need to be ‘Mr Perfect’ all the time. I am totally fallible.

I happen to be a huge fan of very immature jokes and I also happy to like inappropriate humour…in fact, my favourite show is Family Guy.

If you’ve ever seen it then you’ll know that they make fun of absolutely everyone and everything and in distasteful ways!

I’m not going to apologise for my sense of humour or taste. I tried to hide my playful side in the past but all that did was make me depressed.

I’m totally comfortable with who I am. I’m a spiritual guy who likes smutty jokes. If you don’t like that about me, fine, but don’t judge my jokes as immature. God invented humour and I got that from his side of the family.

Onto the next point…

“Sort yourself out mate – find out what really makes you tick – coaching / comedy and take that track – don’t try and be all things to all people but dig deep and search for who you are.”

Dude, you should so be a Life Coach! Thank you for the coaching session but just to clarify: Coaching is in my blood, I am an amazing coach, I’ve had some amazing results with people.

Comedy is something I absolutely love doing! I love doing comedy and it’s given me invaluable skills as a coach as I mentioned in this article I wrote about here.

It’s made me an accomplished public speaker in an accelerated way. I tried the Toastmaster route but as far as I was concerned it was too slow. I took up comedy to be a better speaker. What I found was a new passion.

I’m not planning to ever give up coaching/comedy/radio/writing etc ever! I love them all too much.

No matter how big I get as a radio presenter/comedian/tv personality etc, I will always give coaching to people who ask for it from me. (Limited only by my time and energy.)

“As for those fees, the people who really need coaching and help may not even be able to pay you £10 as hour – are you passionate about helping those who may really need your help?”

I’m passionate about educating people and empowering people. If someone only offers me £10 an hour to coach them because they are poor, yet they place value in that coaching and will still pay me as recognition of that value, then yes, I’ll coach them.

I can’t and will not coach individual people for free unless it is very exceptional circumstances. I’ve actually given a friend of mine around 20 hours of free coaching recently but only because they are a very close friend.

If you still have hang-ups about money I strongly suggest you read a book called How To Make One Hell of A Profit And Still Get To Heaven written by John Demartini.

All of my experiences collectively, my experiences of working in the corporate sector, working as a radio presenter, being a successful comedian, being an outstanding blogger , being a great speaker and coach; if I feel those skills are worth £150 an hour to people then that is what I will charge.

If you know of anyone who has as diverse a portfolio as me and charges less, let me know, maybe I’ll think about adjusting to the market rate. As far as I’m concerned though, right now, £150 an hour of my time is value for money.

When my skills and knowledge level reach a higher level and I’m comfortable charging £500 an hour know and believing that I’m bringing £500 worth of value over that hour then that is exactly what I will charge.

So, whoever you are Mr A.P. who sent that message to me, firstly, thank you for taking the time to message me. Secondly I consider having a hater in the same vein as having a stalker so I’m actually quite flattered.

I appreciate all feedback. I’ve been called a terrible comedian before but all that did was make me try again and learn to be better.

I feel no animosity towards you, I’m grateful, because every experience has shaped me into the amazing person that I am; including your message.

Happy New Year!

Do you want to be the one who gets the Job? Do you want to be the one that people are drawn to and want to get to know? Do you just stick with the daily status quo and are you ready for a change? Are you frustrated that other people are getting the opportunities and not you?

In an increasingly competitive global structure it’s more important now than ever to find that something within you that makes you stand out from everyone else. The truth be told, I’m not a fan of the competitive mindset. I prefer to think of it as being the best me that I can be in a given situation.

Dealing With Competition

I don’t really want to compete with other people because that takes my focus off me and I end up getting caught up in a whirlwind of unproductive emotions. I won’t lie, I am naturally quite competitive and I can say from experience, with zero doubt, that it affects my overall performance and not in a good way.

If you’ve put yourself in a situation whereby you work for a company with thousands and thousands of employee’s then, of course, automatically you’re in a position where you have to really think outside the box in order to get ahead. If you want to move up the ranks faster work for a smaller company; you’ll move up the ranks much quicker.

If it’s a promotion you’re after sometimes it will come to you and sometimes you have to go to it. That’s one scenario of many but if you want to be able to network better, be the girl/guy that everyone wants to go out with, be the life of the party, etc. Whatever your end, your means are within your power to change.

Being Yourself

When I talk about standing out from the crowd I’m not just talking about doing something different for the sake of being different. I’ve seen people who do things to ‘fit in’. They do it because it’s comfortable and it means they don’t get noticed because they don’t want to be.

There’s nothing wrong with fitting in if that’s what you truly want but if you’re frustrated by the results you’ve been getting so far then think about playing to your strengths that are different from everyone else. I’m naturally bubbly and often when at a social event I’m the one that people say is ‘the life of the party’.

Because of that it’s easy for me to network but there are still moments where I’ve been a bit shy or stuck and not been able to allow the real me to emerge. There are certain traits which are noticed by everyone but unless cultivated they will go to waste and you’ll continue to be frustrated by others getting opportunities and not you.

Even if you were to put on a false façade, that façade is still you and it’s just a question of whether you want to be remembered in that way. Remember that people will associate you with those moments and the next time if you’re not behaving the same way they will just be left wondering why.

If you are just being your usual self only turning up the volume a bit then that’s also okay. If you’re gung-ho and extra happy to be at a networking event then that is likely to be naturally amplified through your excitement of being there. Remember there’s more than just your personality that makes you stand out.

Subtle Nuances

I’ve noticed that subtle things I say, do, or wear also get plenty of attention and make for fantastic ice breakers. I love watches and I have quite a collection. I’ve always managed to pick out ones which are not too loud but stand out enough that people want to comment on them. What better way to start a conversation?

I’m also renowned for wearing lively t-shirts with cartoons or funny captions. There are certain t-shirts I wear for my comedy nights because I know they will get a good laugh. I also have some great cartoon ones that people instantly recognise and want to start talking about as soon as they see them; like my Thundercats t-shirt!

I went outside my comfort zone recently and bought some sneakers that I wouldn’t normally go for but I really liked them. The great thing is that whenever I wear them they get comments and people really like them. A tip for the guys, if you’re going to step outside the box get some advice about colours that look good from a female friend.

If you’re going somewhere, where you have to be smartly dressed, dress slightly smarter than everyone else or slightly more casual. Wear a funky tie or an unusual shirt. Think about how you carry off what you’re wearing? Do you look ready for action or do you look like you’ve just thrown on the first thing you could find when you woke up?

I don’t know about you but I ‘feel’ more alive when I’ve dressed up and made an effort, and equally, I feel not as good when I don’t make an effort and go out a bit scruffy. If you look good you’ll feel a bit more confident to go up to people and interact. You will notice that the people who get attention in crowds always dress well.

Hobbies & Pastimes

Is your C.V. or bio really boring? Does it need a bit of spicing up? No, I’m not suggesting you lie and tell your future employers that you’re an avid football fan only for them to strike up a conversation about it and then you looking like an idiot because you have no clue! If you have nothing fun to put on your C.V. then you need to get a life!

To start, write a list of 50 things you’ve achieved. It may not be much it’s the first step to recognise what talents and gifts you have. Those things make for great conversation and go a long way to making you stand out.

If you’re still stuck take up a funky hobby, again something you enjoy, rather than something just for the sake of it. If you wanna take up cooking then go for it and don’t ever be embarrassed about sharing them with people no matter what they are. When I tell people I do stand-up comedy they’re always fascinated by it and want to know more!

I always say to people to put down hobbies and interests on a bio or C.V. because you never know when it’s going to strike a chord with the people reading it. Who knows what new doors it may open and opportunities it may bring. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times that started conversations for me when being interviewed.

I have tonnes to put on my C.V. including things like the firewalk I did a few years back. That always gets peoples attention. They want to get to know you when they see something like that because they assume that you’re a bit of a crazy ass mofo and want to know about how, when, where and what it was like.

Whatever your chosen hobbies advertise them on your personal bio or C.V. and watch how many people approach you simply because of them. I remember once a guy handing me a C.V. and we wanted to interview him simply because he had a black belt in a martial arts. It intrigued us and that was one of the first things we noticed when skimming his C.V.

Personality Types

There are certain personality types that also get noticed very quickly and lead to people getting more opportunities. The first of which is self assuredness. Not that I’m a huge fan of his but you only have to look at someone like Simon Cowell to realise where that kind of trait can take you.

Being confident in your beliefs and opinions makes you stand out. You can even tell by someone’s tone how sure they are. Does they speak with a rising tone at the end? That might signify lack of it and almost posing a statement as a question. Someone who was self assured would always end in a downward tone of voice symbolising closure.

Humour is probably the best one of all and I’ve spoken about this in many different posts recently. God invented humour and she’s given you that gift too. Now stop being a boring fart and learn how to have a good time with life. People who behave as if life is short always stand out as they seize the moments.

I don’t like it when that statement is taken out of context though and people stuff themselves with as much junk, booze and drugs as they can get their hands on. Learn how to have a good time without external stimulants. It’s an art form in life and when you do you’ll never need to touch a drop of alcohol ever again.

That brings me to another point in that my tee-total nature also makes me stand out from the crowd. It arouses curiosity in people and gives me the opportunity to explain my reasons. So develop your sense of humour and if people test you let small things roll off your shoulders and learn to ignore them and move on.

The Upshot

I don’t think you need to chase after every opportunity but I do feel there are some that you will need to go after and others will come to you. With greater life experience you’ll start to learn to spot those opportunities. In order that those opportunities find you I then sticking out is a good plan and a good way to go.

Have a good reason to stand out. Once you do read over this again and see if you find anything here that ignites a spark of inspiration within you, that you can do, to stand out. If you miss one don’t dwell over it just continue to move forward and when the next one comes along learn from the past and have another go!

As far as I’m concerned there are a few skills specifically that have transformed my life. These skills I feel in some way should be taught to us when we’re at a young age. These skills are increasing in demand and the demand is only likely to grow.

1. Flirting

In some way there is some undercurrent between all human interaction that involves wanting acceptance or love. Between two individuals of the same sex it’s more one of acceptance generally but when it comes to attracting a mate, whether that be of the opposite sex, or otherwise, there is much denial that attraction is large part of it.

This is why I feel it’s an area of life I think everyone should make an extra special effort to get good at. If you get good at flirting then that takes care of a huge chunk of your life in one swoop! Get a good understanding of what qualities are attractive to people. Also understand how to be cheekily charming or playfully flirtatious.

It’s an area that I feel that I feel holds people back. People who have trouble attracting a mate always seem to lack confidence and self worth. It’s a vicious cycle. When you adopt this skill and become good at it being in a relationship is no longer the be-all and end-all. You are totally comfortable in your skin as a single person and being in a relationship is not what defines you.

2. Comedy or Humour

Comedy is a vital skill. Laughter is always needed and I hate to state the obvious but life would be pretty dull without comedy. I was sitting on a bus the other day. While I was thinking about my stand-up comedy routines for some gigs I have coming up a little joke popped in my head and I burst out laughing. I was being stared at, but I didn’t care!

I’m not the funniest man alive but I do give people a giggle. If I fail to make people laugh I don’t get dis-heartened but most importantly I don’t give up. Have you ever been in a situation where you’re having a conversation with someone and they’re laughing at their own jokes and you’re wondering what the heck they’re laughing at? They’re laughing and laughter is contagious. You can laugh at the fact that they’re laughing at their own jokes!

Learn the ingredients of a good joke or learn some classic jokes and learn to tell them well. People are automatically attracted to people with a sense of humour so it makes sense to learn how to be funny. Self-deprecating humour is not included! Study some of the great comics. Watch their videos on YouTube and see what makes them tick.

3. Speaking

This is an area I’m still working on as it’s an area that can always be improved upon. At some stage in your life you will be called upon to speak to people. Do you really want to be erm’ing and uhhh’ing after every other word? People will get bored with you and your confidence will plummet!

I actually took up stand-up comedy to improve my speaking and although I’ve got a long way to go it’s helped me to no end! People won’t take note of your message unless you speak with confidence and authority. There is no magical transformational tool to do this…oh wait, there is…it’s called PRACTICE!

Have you ever thought something wonderful and then tried to articulate it and it comes out no where near as well as you thought in your head? Congruence comes from a combination of practice and confidence. People speak well until they’re told they’re speaking in front of a crowd. Think of yourself as speaking casually amongst friends.

4. Writing

There are very few professions that don’t involve writing in some form. Even if not the gift of writing can be utilized in countless number of ways. I know that my writing on this blog can be better but I also know that it’s improved by leaps and bounds from when I first started writing.

Conveying your thoughts on paper or screen in a creative way can open doors in any number of ways. Just look at successful bloggers who’ve made a career from writing. They’ve become so good that they quit their jobs and now do it full time. Writing is not only enjoyable but it can earn you good money!

Since the invention of keyboards my handwriting has become appalling so now I take the time to do some scribbling on paper. Not only does it carry a different kind of vibe to typing on a screen but it almost makes it feel like your whole body is getting involved. Just recently I got a hand written letter from someone. When was the last time you got or sent one?

5. Body

As they say in NLP that 55% of what you say comes from you body. Have you ever paid attention to the way you stand or walk? Or to what you do with you hands when you have a conversation with someone? Body language operates at a very sub conscious level in both it’s operation and interpretation

Mastering your body will go a long way to contributing towards points 1 -3. I was out with friends recently and we were messing around with trying to convey different expressions with our faces. It wasn’t easy and when you didn’t think about it, it just came naturally but when you thought about it, it made it harder.

Your body is an integrated system and is conveying so much more about you than you can imagine. When you learn to be in charge of it you will be able to create that magnetic personality that so many people strive for. Try it and see for yourself.

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I so wish I was taught this kind of stuff at school. This sort of thing would’ve been much more interesting to me than reading a boring book. I was so disappointed to hear that Drama, as a subject in schools, may be eliminated as that’s where I learned most of my social skills.

Learn these skills well. They will take you far and replace many other skills that you think you need and contribute to powerful personality traits.

It’s been just over a week since I decided to start my communications sabbatical and yesterday was the day I officially ended it! It’s been a real eye opener for me and I’ve come to understand a great deal through the process. Before I move any further I would just like to say to all my close friends who doubted me; ‘thank you for giving me even greater resolve to complete the challenge!’

Lets get straight down to it!

Time & Focus

I wouldn’t necessarily say that I found I had more time. What I did discover was that because I had much less distraction my focus and concentration increased a heck of a lot! There was still always plenty for me to do and so rather than putting things off and letting an IM or FB message distract me, I just got on with it!

Missing Out

I feel that so many people do things because they feel like they’re ‘missing out’ on something. I personally don’t think that’s the best reason to do it. Do it because it’s something you really want to do and serves a purpose for you. Learn to understand what a specific tool can do for you and utilise it. If it doesn’t serve a purpose you don’t have to keep using it just because other people are.

Facebook

I love Facebook as it is a very powerful tool but equally, unless treated with respect, it can the object of your undoing. I wish I’d thought more carefully how I set up my Facebook account in the initial stages but it’s never too late to change the settings. Facebook isn’t a competition to see who has the most friends. Remember that you are in control of the people you add and who can see your activities

It can be a very simple social tool or a very powerful marketing implement. You can choose to have just your 50 closest friends on there or you can build a following of thousands of fans. Either way just know that it’s open to the whole world and so if you don’t want everything to be public make sure you setup groups and adjust your privacy settings.

It allows me to interact with listeners while on the radio and send out bulletins to the groups with all our followers. I also use it a great deal while doing backchat and update my status with my debate topic of the hour. It’s a great way of getting instant interaction and for the listeners, of course, it’s free!

Twitter

The same goes for Twitter. It’s not a competition of followers for me but if I do get people following me who genuinely want to hear what I’ve got to say, then great; it’s served it’s purpose for me. I have my blog linked to my Twitter which in turn is linked to my Facebook account and so when put up a post it automatically updates both. That makes it all so convenient but I probably won’t use Twitter much for direct interactions. I’ll continue to use Facebook for that and one medium for me, is enough!

I can totally understand the popularity of Twitter. It’s creators are geniuses beyond measure and it’s no wonder it’s exploded the way it has! It gives people the opportunity to share little thoughts they have during the day that wish they could share with people and until recently had no means to do so! Everyone wishes someone was around to see something cool and even minute events that occur during the course of the day.

Instant Messengers

I’ve lost all desire to use IM’s. I don’t know why but I’m not really a fan of communicating that way. I much prefer email. I’ve decided to turn off all my IM’s and just use Facebook chat occasionally while I’m on air at the studio. I’ve started to find it a little bit too intrusive. That’s not to say I’ve never use them again but right now I’m enjoying the break from them.

The Upshot

Being free from all those communication tools was a really liberating experience. I definitely will take a day out each month and switch off my phone and have a full day away from the computer. I will also not respond to messages instantly on the phone.

From the first day I gave it up I didn’t miss it at all but it’s not easy giving everything up cold turkey in a world where we depend on those tools so much. So I’m not quite ready to give up my blackberry just yet but I’m sure going to not worry as much the next time I accidentally leave it at home.

After finishing my sabbatical yesterday I came across this great post by Leo of Zenhabits called How to Live a Better Life With Less so check it out when you have some time!

This Saturday is a big day for me as I’m doing the main speech for my friends wedding. The two of them met at college which is where I also met them. They approached me and asked if I’d like to do the main speech. I jumped at the chance and, as always, I went in head first without really thinking about it; but I do love a good challenge!

So after realising what I’d got myself into I started to prep for the speech. Only then did I realise what I challenge it was! There were many things for me to consider. For starters there was a religious difference and then there is the mixed audience of young and old alike. I knew I’d have to keep my speech clean, make it funny with lots of funny stories and steer well clear of any religious humour. I also wanted the speech be something truly memorable for the bride and groom but and just enough so that it didn’t end up spoiling their big day. Lucky for me they both have a great sense of humour so no worries there.

This is not the first speech I’ve written but considering the audience I think it is definitely the most difficult so far. As college was such a long time ago a lot of those memories have now faded. There are still plenty there but if I knew then how important they would be I would’ve made a greater effort to remember them. That in itself has been one of the greatest lessons overall for me through the whole process. Finding out how valuable memories are.

I’ve now finished the speech and I’m just rehearsing for Saturday. I’m both excited and nervous at the same time. There’s always room for improvement and me being the perfectionist that I am will always want to make it better. I’m sure that over the course of the next few days I’ll work on it to make it better while also memorising the speech. Now all I have to do is book my ticket and be ready to flee the country just after I deliver the speech and just before the bride and groom catch me!

Without further ado, here are my top 10 on how to write and deliver a speech

1. The First Draft

Your speech will never turn out perfect after the first draft. That’s the point – it’s a draft! The secret is writing and re-writing. It doesn’t matter if you have to re-write it 15 times as each re-write will be an improvement on the last. My wedding speech is on it’s 4th draft and I can safely say it got better with each re-write

2. Including Humour

Once you get the knack of writing jokes including humour is easy. There’s a distinct difference though between finding something funny, inside you head, and translating it in a way that anyone would find funny. If you need help with humour there’s a great book that helped me by Greg Dean which you can find on Amazon. It’s got tons of useful tips on the construction of humour.

3. Delivery

I don’t buy into this nonsense that if you think fast you speak fast. You can decide how you want to deliver a speech by practising it out loud. Decide which style works for you. You can be straight and dead-pan or you can be light-hearted and jovial. Find a style that works for you and go with it. Remember it might also depend on what you’re delivering in the speech too. If you want to come across as cool, then slow and deliberate is the way to go; if you want to come as passionate then speed and volume count for a great deal!

4. Ideas

It’s sometimes difficult to know how to begin your speech. I’ve found that the best way is to throw loads of ideas onto paper and then start tinkering with them. Chaos works well for me so I start by scribbling and then try out a few ideas. There’s no right or wrong way to begin; a cool story can work just as well as an opening gag. Something to get the audience relaxed and to trust in you that you won’t bore them to death!

5. Audience

Of course, it goes without saying that you need to know your audience well. As I mentioned earlier the speech that I’m doing at the moment is a wedding speech with a very mixed audience. So I had to keep it very clean so I had to try a different kind of humour to what I’ve employed before. I’ve practised in front of friends and so far they like it.

6. Memorising

There are loads of techniques you can employ to memorise your speech. I’ve developed my own method that works well for me. I prefer not read off the script while I’m talking, but of course, it’s good to have something there to remind you. I tend to break all the paragraphs down and give each a title. I memorise those using the first letter of each title. And through practise I remember the content of each paragraph naturally. You might have your own methods and feel free to share them in the comments

7. Tweaking

I’ve noticed that as I practise out loud I’m more likely to detect if something doesn’t sound quite right or could sound better. Then, as I’m practising I can make any tweaks as necessary. Again, you should know this cardinal rule, the more you practise the better you and it get!

8. Nerves and Breath Control

I’ve always had a challenge with public speaking where I hold my breath as I talk and eventually I run out of air! For some strange reason this doesn’t happen when I do stand-up comedy but does more so if I speak ad-hoc at a gathering or in front of people. I will talk about one other technique next but the truth is not to worry about it and also know that as you practise and remember your speech, the less that likely to occur.

9. Pauses

If you do struggle for breath, pause, and take a sip of water! Pauses can be incredibly powerful. It can work if you’re about to deliver a punchline or the core meaning or your paragraph perhaps. Very few people will notice the pause for anything else other than a pause. They won’t notice that you’ve paused to catch your breath. If you do pause, look at your audience, maybe catch someone’s glance and ask, it that all clear so far? That’s just one method but the most important this is knowing how to use the pause.

10. Go For Broke And Be Remembered!

I do believe to make a speech work you do have to be bit risky and on the edge. You want to do something that is going to make people remember you. If you’re lucky people might remember you for how boring you were; but lets hope not! Make them remember you for something you did that was either, exceptional, funny, original, unique, or even outrageous. Let it be something that people will associate with you and even quote you on!

There we have my top 10 tips on writing and delivering a speech. Once I’ve done my speech on Saturday I may put a snippet on Youtube but I’ll keep the rest private so that it’s a private memory for the bride and groom and all those present!

If you would like coaching with writing and delivering a speech get in touch!

After nearly 3 days of being offline I’ve finally managed to get my blog up and running in the same state that it was before. My previous webhost Doteasy took my website offline without consulting me and that, in my book, is just very bad practise. They said that my blog was causing their server to crash because the SQL queries were tying up the server resources.

I spoke to quite a few people who are very knowledgeable about WordPress and they all agreed that nothing was wrong with my blog or database but it just appeared that the servers at doteasy couldn’t handle hosting a simple blog. Also because they took it down without notifying me it meant that I didn’t even get a chance to put my blog into maintenance mode.

At first I moved over to IXWebhosting but unfortunately they are running an older version of phpmyadmin which only allowed a maximum SQL database import of 2mb. My database is only 5mb and after waiting 48hours for them to act I decided I needed to try another host. So I tried Bluehost and I chose them for the simple reason that they had good reviews but most important have a live webchat facility that works pretty well and you get more or less an instant response.

The other problem with Doteasy was that they were only open during office hours at US PST. Because they took my blog down on Friday it would meant that I would have to wait for a whole weekend before getting any support. They have been quite reliable in the past but in today’s world having a 24/7 support IMHO is essential.

So far Bluehost have been fantastic and have provided excellent, friendly and helpful support and I would definitely recommend them. The control panel is simply laid out and easy to navigate. They have a live chat facility which gives you instant access to a support person who can usually answer or help with your query on the spot.

Through this whole experience I’ve learned loads. Even the process of moving my blog over from one host to another was a bit of a challenge. Through the whole life of this blog I’ve had several technical challenges and each time I’ve learned a bit more about how to manage it better. I didn’t follow the method explained on the WordPress website but I just used common sense and so far it all seems to have worked fine; with the exception of a few missing pictures – but I know why that happened!

All in all though I’ve learned a great deal about the responsibility of hosting your own website and the work that takes in keeping it up to date and fully maintained. If you’re in the process of setting up your website or blog and are debating on whether to set up your own one or want to know what options you have here are my tips to help you choose.

1. You don’t have to get your own host and host your blog. Remember that if you do then you become responsible for maintaining it including backing it up regularly. If you’re not very technical and web savvy, then I recommend getting a blogspot or wordpress hosted site and just buy a domain and do a URL Redirect.

2. If you do go for say a blogspot blog remember that you will not have to worry about keeping it up to date and less time will be spent fixing it as there is a lot less that can go wrong. Again if you’re not technical or comfortable with stuff like that I’d say that this is a better option for you.

3. If you’re going to get a host and maintain your own blog remember that things can go wrong. A slight alteration of code, a dodgy plugin, and poor theme can all mean extra hassle and workload for you. There’s definitely benefit in doing it this way in that if you know what you’re doing you can truly customise the blog to suit you!

4. If you go for the latter option then keep your blog up to date! From WordPress 2.7 onwards keeping your blog up to date is easy with the automatic update feature. I remember when I had version 1.5 running on my blog for a very long time and it got completely hacked to bits. Don’t let that happen! Keep it up to date and the wordpress forums are a great place to get assistance if you get stuck!

5. If you’re going for the former option then remember that there are many hosted blogs that you can check out. The two I’ve tried are blogspot and wordpress and I’d recommend either but in order to assist in building your identity I would recommend buying a domain that you want and setting up a URL Redirect.

Whichever method you choose keep a log of what you learn along the way. That way if similar problems crop up in the future you might already have a log of what you did in the past to fix it. There will be countless help forums online that you can get assistance from so don’t feel silly about asking what you might think is an obvious thing!

Hi All,

Dr John Demartini is back in London for his new program ‘The Riches Within’. For a limited time only you can get tickets for half price at £20 by clicking here. He will be at the London Hilton Metropole on Wednesday and Thursday this week and also on March the 26th.

Get your tickets fast!

That’s twice today on two separate radio stations now where an advertisement has been played about the fact that obesity in young people is on the rise and could lead to future health problems.

Weight And Health Issues For Teens

Over the past 5 – 10 years you will have noticed that this has been a pretty strong theme especially with the US and the UK. There were all sorts of chefs and celebrities getting in on the act and trying to do simple things like make school dinners better. Other celebrities were trying to encourage involvement in fitness and exercise.

From what I heard on the radio adverts the trend is on the rise for obesity amongst youngsters and is seeing no signs of slowing down. It seems like no matter what people do the problem is still on the rise.

Focus And The Law Of Attraction

According to the Law of Attraction what you focus on you get and so it seems that we are focussing on the wrong thing and getting back exactly that.

The prime focus seems to be on obesity rather giving options to young people that are more fun than sitting at home watching t.v., playing video games and eating junk food. The answer to me seems very simple in that we have to make the alternatives more fun and more appealing than the sitting at home option.

It’s clear to me that an inactive body and mind naturally turns towards lazy activities like t.v. and quick food consumption. Boredom is also a strong key. Haven’t you noticed that when you’re bored at home the first thing you do is reach for the remote and some nibbles? Do this on a regular basis and it all catches up with you in the mid section and then some!

A Paradigm Shift

Even though I don’t own one I’m a fan of the Nintendo Wii as its quite an active games console and you move around. You can even work up a sweat playing on one of those! Where I think we’re going wrong is that young people often associate bad things to phyical activities often because of the things that they have to do in P.E. at school. Very often they have to do activities which they don’t enjoy and it’s often taught in a way which is enforced rather than something a given choice!

With the London Olympics fast approaching it’s time we changed this mentality. It’s time we gave our youngsters better options with a more appealing stance that would make then naturally want to participate in more sports! As much as schools is a big part of this there are other ways we can get youngsters exercising too. I remember back in the day my friends and I would meet in the park and organise a game of footy! Then, random strangers would come and join in and before we knew, it we had big teams of people playing and everyone just had a grea time!

Simple things like organising a game of footy at the park can make leaps and bounds towards making a difference to the health and well being of our children. Our focus needs to change though! We don’t need to be focussing on possible outcomes of no exercise! We need to focus on a shift in our paradigm and get youngsters out of the house away of lazy temptations! Don’t put t.v.’s in your kids bedrooms. Ditch the games consoles and get out there in nature and have some fun! Even the adults with kids can save money on the gym just by taking your kids to the park and taking a frisbee and just having some fun! That way you all get some exercise and you all get closer too!

Some Suggestions

1) Don’t focus on the obesity and heart disease. Focus on the most fun you can have whilst being outside and things you can do that don’t involve huge amounts of money!

2) Go old school and organise a fun sporting group activity in the park! It doesn’t even have to be outdoors. Even something like bowling can be fun, make you work up a bit of a sweat and a cheap way of doing it too!

3) Make sport in schools more fun and inclusive for everyone! Gymnastics may not be everyone’s cup of tea so offer the youngsters options!

4) Gyms aren’t the only way to get exercise! Explore what you have in your local area in the way of nature or parks. You may be surprised at what you find! You may even find a bike trail that you and your whole family can enjoy together!

5) Look for social sports clubs that you enjoy where you will naturally feel compelled to return to. The people there will keep you motivated and the very act of making new friends and networking will make you want to go back. If the option is there take your kids along or offer to take your friends kids or neices and nephews!

It’s all about the fun!

A very happy new year to you all for 2009! It’s so far started out to be a very exciting year for me! Many new possibilities and opportunities have already begun emerging simply because of the very powerful intentions and resolutions that I’ve set for myself.

Just like last year I haven’t been thin with my resolutions! Even though I haven’t documented all of them I’m certain that once I do they will get extremely close to the 15 pages that I wrote for last year. The difference this year is that I have a very specific theme which is something I haven’t done before. Similar to my weekly focus points but this will be the core theme for my whole year encompassing all the resolutions and plans.

The theme for 2009 year is ‘Self Leadership’ and I encourage you to adopt this theme for yourself too!

What is Self Leadership?

Think of your favorite icon in history who inspired millions. It could be Dr Martin Luther King or Gandhi or anyone who has in some way inspired you. Now think about how they managed to inspire those millions of people! What was it, within those people, that they connected with? How did their message touch you?

In each of us is the capacity to be those kinds of leaders. We don’t necessarily have to go out and inspire millions and infact that need not even be present within your reasoning. The reason that people like Gandhi were so inspiring was because they had very strong beliefs and no matter how they were challenged they held to those beliefs. When you see someone fighting for what they believe sometimes it doesn’t even matter if you believe in that cause you’ll rise and support them! They had vision and a purpose!

Lead Yourself Through Vision

To engage those leadership qualities within you, you must first and foremost get a vision for yourself that inspires you and then automatically you will inspire others to support your cause.

Many people I know have sold themselves short, myself included, about what they’re capable of achieving in their lives. The trouble is what you set for yourself as a target. If it’s one you’re likely to reach but is one that isn’t inspiring to you are you going to even want to reach it? What if you set yourself a vision and dream that was so inspiring to you that every time you even just thought about it you got goose pimples?

Even if you set yourself a goal that is perfectly within reach of you if it doesn’t inspire you you’re not likely to reach it because you simple “can’t be arsed to”!

Setting a target that is almost unreachable but very inspiring to you to the point where it brings a tear to the eye is the best way to go! It will automatically have given yourself the drive to go and achieve it rather than looking for some external force to motivate you!

Carving a Path

Ultimately what this means for me is that no matter who I’m with or where I am I will follow the dreams and visions I’ve created for myself. People who are inspired individuals can often intimidate others and their first reaction may often be to try and knock some of the wind out of your sails!

I remember I was invited to a dinner party a while back and there was a young woman there. She was very good looking and she looked like she had a lot going for her. We started talking and immediately upon seeing how much I loved life she immediately tried to impose her model of the world on me1and she also tried to tell me that I would soon learn the way of the real world and that I would sooner or later be “shit” upon! Her assumption was that I had obviously had a very easy life and that I was brought up wrapped up in cotton wool. If only she knew! The only difference between her and I is the way in which we choose to percieve those events and how we choose to respond to them.

So when anyone does try and bring me down instead of letting it get to me I now actually take is a compliment that I’ve pushed someone’s buttons about being inpspired about my life and through all the progress I’m making towards my visions and dreams!

Don’t just be someone who follows the crowd or even follows a path just because someone else has done it before! The route someone has taken towards succes is not necessarily going to work for you even though the destinations may be similar. Find your own way of getting there by experimenting through various successes and failures! I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again that I would much rather try and fail then never try at all!

So for 2009 I encourage you employ a similar ideology for Self Leadership. Become a true leader of yourself, your emotions and create dreams and visions that inspire you to be the greatest ‘you’, you can be!

That’s four, no, make that five compliments I’ve had now over the last two weeks from people saying that I’ve lost a huge amount of weight. I haven’t changed my diet significantly, I haven’t exercised more, the only real change has been that I’ve added in the breathing exercises. I’m fairly sure that my weight hasn’t acutally gone down either but maybe my body shape has changed or even gained muscle mass and burned fat. I’m quite intrigued now to see what the end result will be at the end of the 30 days!

I’m really enjoying doing the breathing exercises while driving and there’s something else I’ve not noticed while doing them. I’ve noticed that doing them while driving, I naturally feel much calmer and I drive a lot slower; not quite to the point where you can call me miss daisy just yet! I’m finding a great way of just being more at peace and I tend to drive more consciously rather than just being on auto pilot. If driving stresses you out then it’s definitely something to try out!

Over the last few days I had an incredibly busy schedule. On Saturday and Sunday I was covering the breakfast show on the radio. I was also doing voluntary work on Saturday afternoon and then in the evening I was performing stand-up comedy for Humili-Asian.

Sunday was pretty much the same and I also had very little sleep on both nights, approximately 3 hours each. On Sunday, while I had a couple of hours free, I decided to have a nap in the afternoon. If I nap I will generally do so for about 2 hours or so but this time I noticed that I only needed 45 minutes after that I was fresh and raring to go. In the evening I played badminton as usual after doing the backchat radio show and by the late evening I still had plenty of energy.

I also noticed that over the last few days I’ve felt like I’ve also been radiating more postive energy and I’ve also felt much more emotionally stable to. Maybe there is more to this breathing malarky then meets the eye!

I decided to try something new too. As I’m in the car and on the road a lot I thought I’d try out doing the breathing exercises in the car and I’m finding it much easier and less boring. I’m not sure why! I’m doing exactly the same thing and yet the process seems to zip by as if nothing. It’s a good way to make constructive use of driving time. Rather than just listening to music and coupled with the fact that I miss being able to read like I used to do when commuting, it seems like a sensible way of utilising that time to do something invigorating.

The last thing I’ve noticed is that I’m no longer yawning anywhere near as much as I used to! I haven’t noticed any difference in my fitness of physique as yet.

So day two of my trial and naturally there are no significant changes to report as yet. The biggest challenge I am facing so far is remembering to do it. I haven’t set any reminders in my phone or anything like that, I’m just going to do it from memory and make it as much of a habit as possible. It’s important in that respect in establishing the discipline in doing somethng like this and seeing it through to the end. It’s a way of training yourself to go beyond the point where you want to give up; pushing through the first pain barrier like you might do when running.

While I’m doing the breathing I’m also using that time to slow down, focus and meditate and channel my thoughts on different things. Yesterday I was focussing solely on being grateful for all the wonderful things in my life. At one point today I continued working whilst doing the breathing exercises. That in itself is interesting as I’m counting out loud in my head and still managing to stay focussed on what I was doing.

I’m still following the 1-4-2 x 10 rule and will likely continue this for the full duration of the trial. One thing I have noticed is that during the breathing exercises I start to feel much warmer and my body heats up a lot. Again this does tie in with what I’ve heard before about breathing techniques from old hindu priests who say that it can be used to control the temperature of the body.

I’m very curious to hear from anyone who’s done a similar trial and to find out what results you have had.