Be Positive Or Get Real? A Showdown.

by Amit Sodha

in Coaching

Postive-Negative

It’s time to settle this debate once and for all. Are you positive? Are you a realist? Are you a realist who thinks that positive people need to get their head out of the clouds? Are you a positive person who thinks the realists needs to change their perception?

All of those are great questions which deserved to be answered.

If you’re a person who has to pick a side, then to pick a side you are in denial of who you really are.

I’ve written several articles on this blog pertaining to what I’m about to say but I have never succinctly and sufficiently painted the full picture.

Firstly, lets put positivity in it’s place.

Postivity and negativity

Positivity and Negativity are two sides of the same coin and they need each other. That is the nature of duality and the relative universe that we live in.

There can be no light without dark, hate without love, good without bad, north without south, past without future. Even in the majority of religious scriptures, the supreme often says I am the creator of all things, EVERYTHING!

You are a soul that contains both the good and evil. You are both the hero and villain. It’s not even a question of choosing what path to take, about being the superman or lex luthor, but about understanding that you cannot be one without the other.

You must learn to love your negative side as much as you love your positive side. For without your negative side you would not have a positive side.

The Hero and the villain

A hero is not needed unless he has a villain that gives his/her very existence a purpose. A great way to show this point is by looking the movie ‘The Dark Knight Rises’. In the movie, Bruce Wayne has not been seen in public for 8 years. He only emerges when a villain comes along. That allows him to become the hero once again, and without him, he had no purpose.

A hero has no purpose until the villain gives him/her one. The villain has not arch rival to challenge him/her without a superhero. Their relationship is actually a synergy.

So what I am saying; that we need villains? Not necessarily that we need them; but that when they do exist they serve their purpose in allowing the heroes to fulfil their purpose.

Positive Thinking

I believe we need to tread carefully with the way that we define positive thinking. Positive thinking is not the absence of negative thoughts. It’s not about masking those thoughts or denying the part of you that is negative. It’s not about hiding them or fighting them.

You are a being with two sides and you need to love both equally. If you try and mask your dark side it will emerge with greater force. It will burst out of you to teach you a lesson. You were not meant to be positive, you were meant to accept both sides of you with the understand each serves it’s purpose, just like the example of the hero and the villain.

Positive thinking is not about making happy and nice thoughts and hoping that having them will make a difference to your day, because they won’t.

True positive thinking is formulating a vision for your day, your week, your month, your entire life. Being truly real, is actually ‘DOING’ real.

You need both to make things happen for that vision to truly manifest.

You need to establish what you truly want and then do the things to make that happen. You need both and neither will be successful without the other.

Positivity and Happiness

Thinking positive happy thoughts will not make you happy. In fact, happiness is not what most people think it is.

Happiness is not the temporary elation associated with getting a new car, a new job or getting laid. True happiness is being present, grateful, feeling fulfilment, satisfaction and being in ‘flow’.

The goal of positivity is not happiness and neither does happiness emerge through positivity.

The Upshot

Positivity is not the absence of negativity and neither is it putting a positive spin on everything. Being realistic also doesn’t serve you unless you have a vision and ‘do real’.

Positivity and negativity are a pair and go hand in hand. You are both, you have both, you are a hero and a villain and you need to know that both parts serve their purpose.

Do not deny the existence of your negativity or suppress it. It is your teacher.

And finally…

Society, religion and some philosophies share a huge collective myth that one day we’ll reach a point where our negative or dark side will disappear and we’ll all be perfect, peaceful and happy. This is not going to happen.

I went through a phase in my life when I was really into positive thinking. I read every book I could find. I was caught for years in the illusion of of the one-sided, positive thinking world. I would set out in the morning determined to be positive, but somewhere during the day, something would happen. the longer I stayed positive, the more something would blow, and I’d get really negative, either to myself or someone else. I noticed that the more I tried to put on the facade of being positive, the more I’d beat myself up inside. No matter what I did, I couldn’t get rid of my negative side.

There is elated positive thinking and depressed negative thinking, and right between the two is present and loving thinking.

So does positive thinking have a place? Yes! From depression up to the center, it is wise to think positively. Does negative thinking or healthy skepticism have a place? Yes, from manic elation to the center, you have to be a negating skeptic.

– Dr John DeMartini.

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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

1 John Covington

Peace & Greetings,

I enjoyed your article “Be Positive Or Get Real?” I thought I had this positive and negative down packed until I read your article, which says you should embrace your positive and your negative side. I understand that you can’t have one without the other, but shouldn’t you have more of a positive vibe than a negative one? Also how does this theory work with the Law of Attraction? Because if the Universe responds to your thoughts, wouldn’t be confused if you looking at both sides of the coin?

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2 Amit Sodha

Hi John, lovely to hear from you.

So lets answer your points one by one. “but shouldn’t you have more of a positive vibe than a negative one?” Personally, in my humble opinion, no. The purpose is not having a positive attitude, more than a negative one, but having a balanced and grateful attitude. If you want to define and equate positivity to gratitude, then yes. But otherwise. no.

So lets say, someone has wronged you, ask the question, how did it serve you? Was someone or something else balancing out that negativity at the same time? Perhaps that event has made you stronger, thicker skinned etc. Then with gratitude, thank them for giving you that gift.

“Also how does this theory work with the Law of Attraction? Because if the Universe responds to your thoughts, wouldn’t be confused if you looking at both sides of the coin?” – What you resist persists. This method of gratitude and balance make sure nothing gets repressed, that you manifest faster move closer to your true highest self. You’re not focussing on the negative, just clearly understanding that you are truly loving and accepting the nature of the universe and all it stands for.

The best gift I can give you John is take any event in life that has left you with any bitter taste, then find the balance in what occurred, how did it serve you? How did it help you grow, where was the balance at the exact moment? When you collapse something in this way, you’ll find you manifest much faster.

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3 Ben

Interesting way to look at things. I am all for positivity but that doesn’t mean ignoring it. It’s more for me about transforming and letting go of that negativity and allowing more positivity in.

But at the same time I wouldn’t be going where I am if I hadn’t had some of the bad stuff i’ve had in my life, my ‘arch villian’ you could say. :)

-Ben

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4 Amit Sodha

Hey Ben,

Exactly, I owe a lot to the people who’ve challenged me and even the times when I’ve sabotaged myself. For example, I love my haters, I actually treat them the same as those paying me a compliment…I say thank you… because they remind me to stay centered – http://www.unlimitedchoice.org/blog/tips/a-response-to-a-hater-and-some-hate-mail/

:-)

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5 Chris Akins

Amit,

Great post and very thought provoking. My take on positivity and negativity is that its really all relative. We create our realities. Whether we view a thing as good or bad is determined by the meaning we assign to the thing. Research shows that people who have a more positive outlook in life are generally happier than those that do not. It is entirely possible to be in a terrible situation for what it is, and still have a positive outlook. Many POWs and Nazi death camp prisoners have demonstrated this ability, and credit it for their survival.

I think you make a good point about the dual nature of man, and the universe in general. I think its about keep things in balance, and realizing that you can persevere, and be a more healthy, and happy person by maintaining a generally positive outlook as you go through life. Then again, I don’t equate being “realistic” with being “negative.”

Chris

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6 rachid

When you think positively, you begin to view the world around a little more gently; you tend to look on the better, clearer side. Being resentful will render positive thinking useless.
great article thank you for sharing these tips .

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7 Amit Sodha

Hey Racid, thank you and you’re welcome

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8 Kevin

Happiness is not the temporary elation associated with getting a new car, a new job or getting laid. True happiness is being present, grateful, feeling fulfilment, satisfaction and being in ‘flow’. <—- This right here is gold.

That's why just items doesn't make you happy also. But having confidence and being in presents makes you happy is so true! ;)
Well written.

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9 Amit Sodha

Thank you Kevin for all your replies. Hope you have a wonderful day! :-)

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