Nearly 9 years ago to the day I decided to join a my local badminton and squash clubs at the same time. I went to the badminton club and made some wonderful friends and I’ve been going ever since. I didn’t enjoy the squash club as much so I went a few times but I never went back.
I decided to go alone because I knew that if I waited for friends to join me I would never end up going. I think we all do that or have done that in the past where we’ve suggested an idea to a friend – “Hey lets go join this club” and ultimately it never happens because either you, your friend, or both of you can never find a mutual time to go.
We create, what I call, dependencies or IGIUG’s (I’ll go if U go). If those dependencies fall through for us suddenly it becomes a reason not to go and do it. That or fear. Fear is another big reason. The fear of feeling silly for going and doing something alone and thinking that other people think you’re a saddo loner just because you decided to do something alone.
“Don’t wait for someone else to become available before you try something out. If you do you could be waiting a long time. Just go and do it!”
The Power Of Being Alone
I personally find it empowering doing stuff alone. Going somewhere and doing something where I have no comfort zone and nothing to fall back on. More recently I decided to take up Salsa dancing and so I decided that I’d go check out a class by myself. I loved it and made some wonderful new friends there. I would still be going were it not for the fact that they changed the day of the classes.
We build things up in our minds and make them so huge but once you get there I guarantee that it won’t be anything like you imagined. We get that niggly voice in the back of our minds that people might think you’re strange or wierd just because you happen to be there alone. Most people don’t care! If you go with the SOUL intention of just enjoying yourself I promise you no one will even give something like that a second thought!
Why Do It Alone?
There is a simple answer to this question and it’s that if you take something up with a friend, then they decide to stop going for whatever reason, then the chances are that you’ll stop going too. It’s especially the case if you didn’t spread your wings while you were there and make new friends. Whereas if you went alone and made new friends from the offset then you wouldn’t have anything to hold you back from continuing.
Also think about what it will mean to you if you got used to going out there alone and meeting new people? What would it mean to you if you could approach strangers at any place or anytime and strike up a conversation?
Other Scenarios
I also believe it’s important to be able to go out and do regular stuff alone. My personal favorite is go to a cafe and just hang out. I’m quite happy going to the movies alone or going for a meal alone. I actually quite appreciate the alone time as I spend so much time surrounded by people so that time alone is precious to me.
Find That Balance
See if you can find a good balance of the two. When you can appreciate the times when you’re alone you also appreciate the times when you’re with people much more. If you’re alone all the time it’s natural that you’ll feel lonely. If you’re always with people again it’s natural that you’re going to feel overwhelmed once in a while and will want to crave that time alone.
Setting The Trend
Amongst my peers I’ve started to set a few trends. Just recently I started to skip inbetween my badminton games to increase my fitness. As a result two of my fellow players (you know who you are Kris and Kamilla!) also went out and bought skipping ropes and have taken up skipping! Initially I thought people would think I was wierd because I was skipping (and because my rope looked a bit girly! 
) and yes I get a few minor jibes from the guys but for most it aroused their curiosity.
Generally when I tell people all the things I do they get intrigued want to join me! They often say to me “let me know when you’re going next and I’ll join you”. To which I always now respond the same way: “Here are the details so feel free to join me anytime but don’t expect me to remind you of every instance I go. If it’s something you really want to do you don’t need me to prompt you…just go do it!”
When I started working with disabled children so many people expressed interest in joining. So I gave them details but they never followed through because they were waiting for me to prompt them on when the sessions were. Because they put the onus on me they never ended up going and ultimately are missing out on something I find personally extremely fulfilling.
From Loner to ‘Lone Ranger’
Don’t be embarrased to go and do stuff alone. Think of it as an adventure! The unknown can be scary but is equally exciting! If you genuinely don’t have fun you don’t have to continue going. Try something new! I’m looking forward to hearing about the adventures you’re about to have! If you discover something especially fun, let me know, I may just come with you! 
{ 4 trackbacks }
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
I think ‘Going it Alone’ is a great piece and so very true.
I’m yet to watch a movie alone so that’ll be on my “to do” list!
Hey Gurpreet!
I think out of all the activities going to the movies alone is the one where you’re likely to feel the most self conscious and so if you can do that one you’ve got the rest of them licked!
Twitter: amitsodha
I completely agree with you. Growing up as an only child, I learnt to do a lot of things on my own. I often go for movies, sit in a cafe and recently even joined a yoga class. I have been called a weirdo for going for movies alone but happy to know there are other weirdos like me!
Haha yes I’m a wierdo like you who goes to movies alone on occasion! Yoga is an excellent suggestion and definitely something fun you can really get stuck in to!
Twitter: amitsodha
Amit,
I go alone so many times
[and here's hoping some females who comment here shall take note of this].
Yes, I find it empowering. It is.
You asked for adventures. I think I have several. Like the time I acted like a foreigner and asked about postal stamps.
I was being told and explained what I already knew. Try it out.
And what did you eat before writing this story. It’s well-written; delicious.
Kartikey…like the time you acted like a foreigner and asked about stamps?? Ok I want the full story please!
What did I eat? Hmmm I believe it was some pret veggie sushi!
Twitter: amitsodha
Great article, you’ve shown many helpful tips to break that comfort zone and go do something, alone, that you want to be doing. It’s weird how scared people can get when facing a challenge on their own. Once you get over this though, you become much more enabled to meet your accomplishments and do what you want as an individual, instead of waiting or relying on others to do it with you.
Good stuff!
Hey Mike
Thanks for the comment. Often have I seen it that people have held themselves back from doing something they really wanted to do because of the fear of doing it alone. It’s never as scary as they imagine it to be and from my experience I’ve never had anything bad happen…only good stuff! Have you got any stories to share of things you’ve tried by yourself?
Amit
Twitter: amitsodha
Amit,
I’m a extreme mountain unicyclist and so without too many of us around, I often get out in the mountains and experience plenty of solitude when doing some tough riding. That’s my best way, but I’ll try anything really on my own…
Hey Mike,
Wow that’s fantastic. I haven’t cycled much for a while now but this weekend I’m off for a kind of mini mountain trek to prepare for my half marathon. Apologies if I seem a bit dumb, but what is a unicycle?
Amit
Twitter: amitsodha
Great article. Doing stuff alone is very important. To be honest though, for some reason, there are things that I just cannot do alone, such as going to movies. It’s not because of fear that I would feel strange being alone and I would never look at other people there that would be alone as being strange. But for some reason I wouldn’t enjoy it that much if I only went alone. I guess I would just like to discuss the film with someone after it finishes
Hey Radim,
I can see why going to the movies alone is not easy for some people. To be honest it’s not a necessity. It’s just one thing you can cross off your list, if you choose to, of things you can do by yourself without feeling any sense of self consciousness or insecurity.
You’re right though, the element of dicussion afterwards would always be missing but I have found that I actually haven’t missed that aspect as I may often go away and tell people about the film and give them my perspective. Does that make sense?
The core message here is feeling comfortable with yourself to the degree where you do all the things YOU WANT to do without the fear holding you back.
Twitter: amitsodha
I’m a bit of a loner at heart, despite having a family but i kinda like it – I run my own business, where I’m not answerable to anyone. I back my own decisions, and I am happy with that.
Hey John,
It’s strange how when people use the term loner most people take it be a bad thing. I enjoy my alone time and I have no shame in what people my classiccally call a loner. I just don’t see it as a bad thing!
Twitter: amitsodha