Are you still holding onto something that happened a long time ago? Was it a missed opportunity? Was it something someone did to you? Was it a rejection? Are you still resentful?
Whatever the situation, if you’re holding onto something from the past, have you stopped to ask why and wonder what current opportunities you missed because you were so focussed on it? Do you wish you knew how to let go and move on quickly?
I overheard someone speaking recently, to another person I know, about something that happened some years ago. I was dumbfounded. Yes, I was so totally eves dropping, but I just couldn’t help but think what was the point in bringing it up years later? Do people really hold onto things that long? Why not deal with it sooner?
The only person being harmed, when you harbour resentment, is yourself.
Closure is important. I personally like to get rapid closure. I often say to people: ‘if I’ve pissed you off then don’t hold back, tell me so we can sort it out quickly!’ Tell me what I’ve done so it can be resolved; and you know what? Most of the time it’s just a very simple misunderstanding.
Was a specific opportunity passed to someone else? Did it leave you wondering why you weren’t picked? You might spend hours, days, even months wondering why you weren’t picked, and all the while other opportunities are passing you by. When you become fixated on something you miss a lot of what goes on around you.
Instead of worrying about why this opportunity passed you by why not focus on what you’re going to do differently when the next one comes around? Feel the difference in yourself from when you focus each of those different viewpoints. Ask yourself this: Which of the two are going to benefit you in the long run?
I’ve missed out on several opportunities recently and although I was a bit frustrated in the beginning I didn’t let it linger. I realized that staying in that frame of mind does two things: i) It kept me in a place where I was missing out on all the good stuff going on around me. ii) People were less likely to give me opportunities anyway because I was coming across as a “less attractive” option.
Rationalizing those thoughts and feelings is one way to go with this but on it’s own is not effective enough. Combined with focus you get the right combination of two tools to move on swiftly. Here are some examples of things that people hang on to needlessly.
Being Let Down
An example I came across recently: Person A, was not invited to person B’s party. Person A thought that they were good friends and expected an invite. So when they didn’t get one, they were frustrated and upset. Rather than tackling it head on. They let in linger and in the end the friendship ended.
Have you ever been rejected by the opposite sex? Maybe you asked them out and they said no. Maybe you long term partner broke up with you and the pain is causing you to close up and waste your life away. You’ve anchored pain to relationships and so you sabotage all your future opportunities for love.
‘The Amit Method’ On How To Let Go And Move On Quickly
I hope you like the name ‘The Amit Method’ as I thought it was kinda catchy and totally original. You’ve read my examples, yours maybe slightly different in nature, but in all cases a few simple principles can be employed to let go, move on quickly and start grabbing life by the balls again!
1. Rationalizing – I mentioned earlier about rationalizing thoughts in your head. You can do that by simply changing the way you think about something. If in the past you thought ‘why didn’t they want me?’ you could instead think ‘okay that’s one opportunity gone. Never mind, onto the next!’ It’s very simple process of changing the way you think.
2. Focus – There is a certain amount of physical manifestation of rejection. You may get that sensation in the pit of your stomach. If anything, what that is telling you is what you are focusing on. Start paying attention to the next thing on your list. When you pay attention you automatically start to forget the past rejections.
3. Meaning – This ties in point 1. Whatever meaning you attached to the rejection will determine how you feel about it. If it means disaster to you then naturally you’re going to feel bad. If you decide that it’s no biggy, and that you’re going to learn from it then, hey presto, you’ll feel indifferent and more able to let go.
4. Vocalize – You’d be surprised at just how much vocalizing will help. Sometimes when you hear yourself say something the clarity that can come with it can almost be magical. Whether it’s asking for feedback or asking someone why you were rejected there is no substitute for this in getting closure.
5. Affirm – Tell yourself it’s time to move on and let go. Sounds kind of obvious but so overlooked and important. Observe your thoughts, and then overwrite them with a loud booming voice: ‘LET GO AND MOVE ON’.
A Final Rationalized Thought
Learning how to let go and move on quickly is for your own good. It is your own precious time that is being wasted on something that potentially was a misunderstanding, or in the grand scheme of things, was just quite small. If all else fails just get someone to tell you how stupid you’re being and maybe that might be enough to kick-start you onto bigger and better things!