How To Be Single And Enjoy Every Second

by Amit Sodha

in Humour, Relationships

Me after a hefty climb up Mount Tryfan

Yes ladies, I know what you’re thinking, who is that muscular, sweaty, handsome devil in the picture? Yes it’s me so please can you control your hormones, I’m single and available! (Not anymore!) :lol: I’ll explain later why I put this particular picture up but for now I just want to ask you a couple of simple questions.

To the guys and gals – are you single? If so do you realise how good you have it? Or are you feeling miserable and do you often spend time fantasizing about having a partner just like your friends or the couples you see on the street? Do you waste the precious moments of your single life worrying about being left on the shelf? Flirting is good for the soul so if you’ve been single for a long time then this is just the article for you!

The Love Doctor

Before I go any further I wanted to mention that a big shift occurred for me when I discovered David DeAngelo. I just want to make it clear at this point that I don’t get paid to promote him and he probably doesn’t even know who I am. I’m just so grateful I discovered his work because it helped me get to grips with an area of my life I always struggled with. If you don’t already, subscribe to his news letter! I learned SO much just from reading them.

Single-hood Is Precious

As a single person you may not realise just how good you have it. Most single people are so caught up in self pity that precious opportunities pass them by and they don’t even realise it. Whatever your situation right now you are in exactly the right place you are supposed to be in but, going forward, you control what happens.

I used to be so bad at asking women out. I got lucky a few times but overall I was pretty bad at it and more often than not I was rejected and dejected over and over again. Being rejected is not nice but I’ll explain later how I turned things around. I still get rejected, and probably more often, but that’s because I try more often without the fear of rejection.

I once wrote an article called ‘One For The Nice Guys’ and I take back every single word I wrote on there! I was wrong and I’ve realised the error of my ways. If I knew then what I know now I would most likely be in a very different place. At this present moment I’m a bachelor, I love dating, meeting new people, and just having some fun along the way!

Date Like There’s No Tomorrow!

I used to get really depressed about being single but now I love it. I’m not saying I want to stay single but I recognise now how lucky I am. Yes I’m looking for someone I can share my life with, but on that journey, I’d like to have some fun and give women enjoyable experiences that they’ll remember for a long time to come! (Stop thinking naughty thoughts!) :-P

If you’re single you can go on as many dates as you want and enjoy being flirtatious anywhere! (I’m a believer that just because you have a partner it doesn’t mean you can’t still flirt!) If you feel you need help in that area then keep reading and I’ll give you more suggestions about how to get good at it. In fact, I’ll be writing more posts on my dating tips.

Appearance

Ah now we come to the reason I put up that picture! A picture of me not looking so pretty and with sweaty pits? :lol: Why on earth would I put up a picture like that if I’m trying to attract women? It’s simple. I did because I know that women don’t really care what a guy looks like. If you can make her laugh, whilst being a confident, then any guy has the golden ticket to being a stud!

I used to be so worried about my weight and the way I looked that I made up a whole bunch of crappy limiting beliefs as to why women didn’t want to go out with me. I used to think it was about my weight, and how I looked, and those beliefs held me back for years. Now, no matter what anyone else thinks about me, I believe I’m handsome, sexy (despite the sweaty pits) and great fun to be with!

My rejections had nothing to do with the way I looked or my weight and everything to do with the way I did it. However it doesn’t hurt to make a bit of an effort. I do like to dress smart and women appreciate that but it isn’t the bottom line. I have got a date in the past whilst in my sports gear and looking like I’d just wrestled an alligator! (And lost!)

Get A Cool Attitude

I used to always came across as single, needy and clingy and that is definitely a big turn off. If you can learn to be more fun in your approach and not take rejection too seriously then you will come across as more attractive. In the beginning, the more you try, the more you’ll get rejected. It’s just the law of averages but as you get better at it you will get more yes’s than ‘no, please can you leave me alone and stop stalking me’!

If you’re not having luck then something needs to change. Change your approach and learn to have more fun in the process. If you get nervous approaching people then practise is all you need and you can start with your friends. Do a role play with a friend and see what they think. I was with my friend in the car the other day and I told her how I’d approach her if I was going to ask her out. Her response? ‘Smooth and I probably would’ve said yes!’

How To Handle Rejection

I’ve been rejected plenty and I remember how that used to make me feel in the past. I used to shut myself away but then I’d be a friend to the person who rejected me in the secret hope that they would see the kind of person I am and then fall hopelessly in love with me! Now my solution is simple; move on! If you get hung up on just one person then you’re missing out on millions of people who are single and looking.

If you’re feeling bad after being rejected the prime reason is simply that you’ve pinned your hopes on that one person. When you awaken to the idea that there’s an entire planet of single people out there you start to realise that, in the grand scheme of things, one rejection means nothing.

I turn things around and make it sound like the other person is asking me out. That way if things don’t go well I can playfully make out that it was me doing the rejecting. I may try a second time at a later stage but if the rejection happens I remind myself that they were not intelligent enough to recognise a smart, sexy, spiritual, fun person was here for the taking and that they missed out.

Some Things To Remember

1. If you’re single and you’ve been single a while get some feedback from friends to find out what you’re doing wrong. Then get yourself out there and start meeting women/men

2. Don’t just do the usual things for dates. Start with maybe a coffee and build from there. Then come up with imaginative things to do or places to go. Sometimes it’s not where you take them but what you do while you’re there. Something like walking on the beach can be a great place to have a date.

3. If you struggle to converse while on a date play some games. Have fun, play slaps, thumb wrestle or even truth or dare. Even the lack of conversation can be a topic to discuss. If you run out of things to say you can say something like ‘What do you normally talk about when you run out of things to say to people?’

4. Engage in playful banter. When I’m on a date with a woman I might make fun out of whatever she’s wearing or, if I’m feeling particularly brave, and I know things are going well, I might make fun of the size of her butt! ;-)

5. Remember; you’re not going to get along with everyone so don’t worry if it doesn’t go well. Move on. Put yourself back out there meeting people and then have another go! Learn from the last experience and use it for future dates.

I could go on for hours on this subject now but I’ll leave it there and I’ll be back with more tips for all the single people out there. I have tons to share and upon seeing my success more and more people are coming to me asking me how I do it. Have fun and make the most of the time you’re single ‘coz soon you’ll have a partner who wants to go shopping all the time and will hog the duvet during the winter…brrrrr!

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{ 46 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Ideas With A Kick

I love it how single people feel bad because they’re not in a relation, people in a relation long for the freedom of being single. The fact of the matter is, both cases have the potential to be good or bad, depending what exactly you do in them. Besides, being single and being in a committed relation are like the black and the white. And there are so many shades of gray in between :)

Eduard
.-= Ideas With A Kick´s last blog ..Personal development readers vs. personal development doers =-.

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2 Amit Sodha

That’s so true Eduard and something I totally forgot to mention. As the old adage goes ‘the grass is always greener’ and that’s often the way people feel. Single people will want to be in a relationship and sometime people in a relationship will long to be single again.

Thanks for reminding me of that and when I do a follow up to this I’ll mention that! ;-)

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3 Shai

Nice blog dude. Tried all summer to get a six-pack like the guys from 300, but alas the power of Ben and Jerry was too strong. Confidence might just do the trick though…

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4 Amit Sodha - The Power Of Choice

Hey Shai, great to see u on the blogosphere! I don’t have a 6 pack, actually it’s more like a 36 pack. But if u can be fun, interesting and confident then that’s all it takes to come across as sexy! ;-)

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5 Amie S

I’ve been single 28 years of my life. granted, nearly 20 o those I was living at home. I dated for less than a year. it took me three years to get over losing the second guy to some gossip her heard. then I realized that he wasnt worth it. I’ve been single and loving it these last 7 years. I have so many freedoms being in a relationship doesnt afford others. Now i cant imagine the grass being greener on the other side.

Though I would recommend, if the girl doenst like you cracking jokes about her butt, she isnt the one for you. One of my “glad to be single” male friends has a complex about it. course, he has lots of superstitions about women I won’t even get into.

.
One of the great sages once said that we cannot choose a new path until we enjoy the path we are on. I agree, those grass is always greener people keeping wanting to walk across the bridge with the emotional trolls beneath, and complain again once on the other side. If we just learn to be happy on one side or the other, then we avoid the emotional trolls. beside, if we are single, maybe another single will find our meadow, if we are not single and our companion leaves for the greener grass, maybe we dont really want to be with a person who isnt happy with that grass.

If we learn to be happy no matter our circumstances we can adjust to change better.

Just a thought.

(We die hard writers are an odd bunch best served by singleness, late night coffee runs, and locking ourselves to our desks until the project gets done, its our own happy little world. Regular humans would be unhappy with this lot in life and are best to keep to themselves lest our insomnia and obsessiveness makes them want to join the trolls.)

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6 Amit Sodha

Hey Amie, it’s great to see that you’ve found your peace with being single. The words from that sage are so true. It’s been my exact experience that whenever i’ve had a more foot loose and fancy free attitude that things just come to me without even trying. Aka the law of attraction.

I’m curious, with you being a single person and content in being single, do you still date and is your intention to eventually find a long term partner. (don’t worry, this isn’t a proposal!) lol

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7 Amie S

No, I dont date. I dont even look. My only intention is to love what I do and be happy in the here and now.

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8 Amit Sodha

I love the fact that you follow your own path and you also understand and respect other peoples decisions!

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9 Amie S

I thinks its great that so many singles find joy in being single and still go dating. Personally I think its important to date because it does help you discover yourself and want you like about in others. Even if the person is not actively looking for a committed relationship right away. I’m okay if someone happens across my path someday. A committed relationship and even marriage isnt on my to-do list. It used to be, when i was younger. Somehow my journey so far while I have been single has brought me so many fulfilling experiences without someone being there. though, it is part of human nature to want to share lifes experiences with someone.

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10 Lana - Dreamfollowers Blog

Hey Amit, interesting article. I totally agree with what you said, women don’t like clingy and needy man. I think it is important to find a balance between learning to make the woman feel special and not being clingy at the same time. I think David Deangelo is making too much emphasis on the latest. His actual name is Eben Pagan actually and he is one of the best internet marketers and copywriters I know. So, yes, I do read his newsletter from time to time (funny isn’t it?), just to learn from what he is doing.
.-= Lana – Dreamfollowers Blog´s last blog ..Why Positive Thinking Doesn’t Work =-.

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11 Amit Sodha

Hey lana! Thanks for your comment and yep I knew that was his real name. His newsletters are funny and all that I’ve learned from him I have through the free newsletters. That’s actuAlly what I like about him most is the fact that he gives away so much of his knowledge for free! :-)

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12 Armen Shirvanian

Hey Amit.

You’ve got some good stuff here. David Deangelo AKA Eben Pagan AKA the guy who recently created the Get Altitude series sure does know a lot about dating and business. His words do have some big value.

Your points about appearance sound about right. Attitude and energy are pretty vital components of being attractive, because a good looking rock doesn’t provide us with much.

About that point about trying, it sure is worth it to keep trying daily. Opportunity is ours to take.

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13 Amit Sodha

Hey Armen. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. About trying, I’ve always said to people that I would rather try and fail than not try at all! :-)

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14 Tristan Lee

Hi Amit. Thanks for these tips on dating. I agree that being single does have its advantages such as a lot more freedom and having fun dating. Ah… I miss those days. :(
.-= Tristan Lee´s last blog ..Will Power – A Contradictory Concept =-.

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15 Amit Sodha

LOL that’s exactly why I’m making the most of it! :-)

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16 Arvind Devalia

Amit, I am glad you have written so passioanately about being single!

Clearly singledom suits you:-)

Like you I am single and have been for a while through choice. I too would like to meet my life partner, “soul-mate even. But in the meantime there is not reason not to put myself out there and enjoy life to the full which is what I am doing.

The beauty of my journey is that having met so many different women and learnt from so many different relationships, I am really clear about what I am looking for in a life partner.

So I would say to any other single people out there – chill out (rather than getting hung up about single), enjoy life to the full, have lots of fun (in whatever form you like) and learn more about just what you want from life, your partner and in a relationship.

Go out and enjoy – and find your soulmate :-)
.-= Arvind Devalia´s last blog ..How My Single Day of Blindness Opened My Eyes Forever! =-.

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17 Amit Sodha

“The beauty of my journey is that having met so many different women and learnt from so many different relationships, I am really clear about what I am looking for in a life partner.” –

Arvind, that’s for pointing that out and that’s something else I totally forgot to mention in this post (although saying that if I mentioned everything I was thinking this post would quite easily have become 5000 words!) :-P

I used to think that getting to know so many women was a bad idea, and one of my limiting beliefs. But a friend of mine used to date lots of women and during a conversation we had we both came to exactly the same conclusion – that because he had dated so many women he had developed a very clear picture of his ideal partner. He has now met her! :-)

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18 Arvind Devalia

Hi Amit,

Great Amit. I am glad I was able to add some value to your blog:-)

It is always good to meet a variety of people (women) as it makes your life that much richer.

Enjoy!

Now go and find “HER”:-)
.-= Arvind Devalia´s last blog ..How My Single Day of Blindness Opened My Eyes Forever! =-.

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19 Amit Sodha

I am and enjoying every minute of it! :-)

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20 Amit Sodha

@Amie – Whever you are and whatever path you’ve chosen and if you’re happy and not intentionally out there hurting anyone then I say more power to you! ;-)

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21 Amie

I find that all the really great friends I’ve met ( many of them male friends) online live across the pond or in Canada. I live in the U.S. by birth, not choice. Its too bad so many interesting people are in other countries. Perhaps I should travel more…haha.

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22 Amit Sodha

Hey Amie, maybe it’s a sign of where your journey lies! :-)

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23 Marianne

Thank you so much for this article – I have never managed to be single for more than a few months (even when I’m ‘trying’ to stay single!). On the good side this means I have had wonderful relationships with some very special people, but on the downside it means I literally don’t know how to stay single, or what it feels like!

Now I am ‘single’ I want to stay that way, just to see what it’s like and what I’ve been missing.

So thank you – your post was just what was needed :) Looking forward to all the freedom and possibilities of singledom!

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24 Amit Sodha

It’s my pleasure Marianne and I hope you enjoy the experiment of being single! :-)

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25 Anonymous

“When I’m on a date with a woman I might make fun out of whatever she’s wearing or, if I’m feeling particularly brave, and I know things are going well, I might make fun of the size of her butt! ;-)”

Ok, I have to say I think that is bad advice. If the guy I just started going out with made fun of my appearance, well let’s just say that date would end quickly. Nothing wrong with joking about things but I think doing that could potentially turn a woman off big time.

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26 Amit Sodha

I was on a date with this girl, she had a nice big butt like J-Lo. So I said to her “how do you get through doors with that thing?” she cracked up laughing. She loved it!

I will admit, it won’t work 10% of the time for me, but those 10% are the kind of women I’m not really into anyway. A woman has to have a fantastic sense of humour for me, especially being a comedian and the kind of guy who doesn’t take himself too seriously either.

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27 Subash.A.K.

Amit, its really a inspiring article of yours, where in you narrated your lif as single. I too a single. (Iam a divorce). I wish to fix date with girls. But i still not recovered from the pain of divorce. I am enjoing as single but, i feel to have a companion. I feel a lonliness, bored…etc. I go for joging every day morning and evening, Also a spiritually inclined person, Do go for shopping, Reads personality dvpmnt articles. Can you give your comment on this.

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28 Amit Sodha

Subash,

Apologies for not responding to your comment sooner! I can give your lots of comment and encouragement, you’re doing so much to keep yourself going and growing which is perfect. Put yourself in places you can meet lovely young intelligent and beautiful women. Go to cafe’s, the beach, wherever you feel in your element and where you will feel totally natural approaching women!

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29 Charlie@Free Christian Dating Sites

Everyone has made some pretty interesting points. I agree dating is important cause it allows you to discover more about yourself and others. It also helps you decide what is really important to you in a serious relationship.
New at Charlie@Free Christian Dating Sites\’s blog post ..Christian Dating Sites – Share Your Life and Faith With Someone Special

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30 Amit Sodha

Thanks for you input Charlie.

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31 Inspired Female

superrr yayyyyyy!!! finally an article for single people thats fun and positive. I have also made a list of what I am looking for in a potential partner, and have learned alot about myself during this time so i think the best thing you can do when your single is learn more about who you are as a person, grow as an individual, do the things that make you happy, love who you are, and the rest will follow! :) :)

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32 Amie Sugat

you are so right on Inspired Female… thanks for your words of inspiration, they have helped me more than you know.

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33 Amit Sodha

:-D glad you enjoyed! You’re not the first person I’ve heard say they’ve made a list of what they see in a potential partner with great results but you said it perfectly, use that time to get to know yourself and do what you enjoy and good stuff will follow! ;-)

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34 Sonya

Hello! I have been single for almost 5 years now and I love it. It feels like I have more opportunity to enjoy and learn about life than ever before. I am only 24 by the way and It’s nice to know that I have my whole life ahead of me. My Indian parents are starting to push me into dating men and I did start for a little while but no luck. Indian men and their families are looking for women with a “specific requirement–status, value, wealth, family background…etc” I absolutely hate this. This makes me want to stay single for long as possible. Anyway, thanks for the great article!

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35 Amit Sodha

Hey Sonya, great to hear from you.

It’s not uncommon in Asian culture (among many others) for the singletons to be outcasts in may ways. It’s a terrible shame really. It doesn’t serve any purpose,

So long as you feel that you are fulfilled, that you life as direction, purpose, meaning to you, then all else is secondary.

Flirting and dating can be fun, but when it comes so conditionally, e.g. you have to be educated, you have to have a great career etc, it’s just takes the joy away from finding a soulmate.

You’re the one who has to spend the rest of your life with your partner so always choose wisely, but as much as is possible, enjoy the adventures you have along the way!

Best wishes with your journey! :-)

Amit

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36 Paul Peterson

I have been single all of my life (20 years) and I love it. I get to do whatever I want whenever I want however I want. It’s amazing!

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37 Amit Sodha

Hey Paul, great to hear from you and your take on singlehood! Do you mind me asking, have you ever had a girlfriend? When I wrote this I was single and very content. Now I’m in a relationship and equally as content. Each path comes with it’s own wonders and challenges. :-)

~A

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38 Paul Peterson

Thank you for your reply!
I have never had a girlfriend. The only reason is because all the good girls are taken which leaves me with girls that have qualities that I do not want.
Thank you again for replying

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39 Ewok

I am a very good looking girl, like out of ten men, 8 would say i am hot and two would think i am average, yet all men want from me is SEX. i have been single all my life, men seem to not like me, just attracted to me but nothing more. What can i be doing wrong?
And no, i am no where near arrogant, conceited or anything awful. i am very friendly and love smiling at people all the time and i am very mannered.
I only attract the men i don’t like.
New at Ewok\’s blog post ..7 Vital Things To Remind Yourself Of Every Single Day

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40 Amit Sodha

Do you value yourself? Do you truly believe yourself to be someone who deserves the absolute best?

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41 Shaun

I came across your website while googling stuff, and I must admit, it was a really uplifting article. Your article was heartfelt and down to earth, unlike most of the pretentious crap people told me or that I have read about.

I was constantly “emo-ing” about this exact state, and I have struggled for years and years to tell myself to not get hung over these girl(s) that rejected me all these years. I felt like I had to stick with it and not give up so easily. You see, when I like someone, I do for a long time. That is how devoted I am.

Now? I told myself I would wait to see if her attitude changes while keeping my options open. And to see the flowers along the way rather than to put my head on my palms thinking about said girl.

Once again, thanks

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42 candy

My story is different I have never had a successful relatiomship or being wth samone for over two months its either the cheat or wateva…..I feel like everyone jes wants to have me because of my preety face bt I dnt want that anymo
I want to enjoy being single and flirt have fun and laugh a lot
Your article really helped me because av bin hurting so mch that am not good enough bt mw its tym to move on….
Single and free to mingle :) :D

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43 Amit Sodha

Hey Candy,

It’s so good to hear from you and I can’t tell you how overjoyed I am to know that the article was helpful to you. Good luck on your new journey, go enjoy, laugh, have fun, try new things and see what wonderful things transpire :-)

~Amit

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44 wrose

I actually care quite a bit about the way a guy looks. That is in no way the most important factor, but if I’m not even remotely physically attracted to him, then I’m not going to stand there and be flattered by his flirting and I certainly am not going to flirt back.

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45 Amit Sodha

Hey Wrose,

Great to hear from you. I actually disagree with you on that slightly, that’s not what I’ve seen from women I know and have experienced first hand. In fact time and time again I hear these following words: “He’s not the type of guy I would normally go for but for some strange reason I feel attracted to him.”

All these women didn’t find those guys attractive initially, but it built over time.

And lastly I guess we are all different, so if it’s not what works for you, if the appearance does have an ultimate bearing on how you feel – I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that and that’s just the way it goes. More power to you and keep doing what works for you.

All the best,

~Amit

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46 Megan

Being single is you doing what you want to do.

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