Internalizing Vs Externalizing

by Amit Sodha

in Personal Growth

Internalizing (Internalising) Externalizing (Externalising)

Thoughts are running through our heads constantly on a daily basis. We never stop thinking and we never will stop thinking. We tend to focus our thoughts in two very general areas: We either focus on something internal to us, about our lives or things happening to us; or, we tend to focus on whats going on in the world and with other people who surround our lives. That is, those who internalize or those who externalise.

Bringing balance to our thinking is essential for our own well being and feeling a sense of peace.

Lets look at the two more closely

Externalization (Exos)

People who externalize their thoughts more are always thinking about outer things rather then focusing on themselves. They will tend to do more for others and put their life on the back burner. They will feel for others and others suffering much more than their own. The problem is, for those who over externalize, they forget to take care of their own needs and often end up in a position where they are not happy because they spend all there time focusing on others and neglecting the important areas of their lives that need lots of attention and TLC. They also procrastinate more as they tend to get easily distracted when something interesting catches their eye.

They will hold doors open for others.

Internalization (Intos)

People who internalize more are always focused on their own needs and neglect those around them. When they get a problem and they have someone around them who will listen they will chew that persons ears off with their problems. There problems will be the entire world to them and when something goes wrong, their world literally stops. They easily forget that other people will be going through issues similar to them and they will concentrate solely on what is happening to them. Because they are highly self focussed they will also tend to be quite successful in whatever persuits they undertake.

They do not hold doors open for others.

As a partnership, the Intos and the Exos combined make good couples as they tend to balance each other out. My former partner, she was more Into, and I was more Exo and that worked well for us as we found that we balanced each others perceptions and this is why we had such a great relationship and why we still have an amazing friendship.

Neither is better or worse than the other but when it comes to propelling yourself to future success you need to attain a good balance of the two. If you’re too externally focused or over internally focused you tip the scales and put yourself out of balance. In order to bring back that balance you have to even out what you focus on. Here’s how you can do this.

Firstly, you need to ascertain which of the two sums up who you are? Ask someone close to you who you know will not intentionally hurt you with the answer. Find out who you are and accept it with grace and dignity. When you establish that, below are the shift in perceptions that you need in order to balance your scales.

Internal Perceptions For Those Who Are More Exos

We still need a level of external focus. External focus is good and gives us beauty, contrast, and variety. When looking upon the outside world. Remember first and foremost that all of it is a manifestation of oneself. You created the sky, the oceans, the buildings, the seven wonders etc. You are the creator of it all. Evey part of your being is interconnected with what you perceive to be “out there”. When dealing with people who you perceive to be external from you, remember that you are they and they are you. You are intimately connected to these individuals at all times. When focusing on someone and helping that soul, remember that you are also and always helping yourself too. Helping yourself is inescapable. In reality we live for ourselves only. You are solely responsible for your decisions and outcomes. You cannot be held responsible for others.

External Perceptions For Those Who Are More Intos

Whatever problems you are now having, become more aware that those issues do not solely affect you. The fastest way to overcome something you maybe going through is to help someone overcome similar that they may be going through. Give them love, give them compassion and know that by helping them you are ultimately helping yourself too. By helping others we facilitate our future success because the more you give the more you get back. Take a look at the outside world once in a while. Become more aware of what is happening in the world There is more to the world than the one that revolves just around you. The world does not end when something bad happens to you. When you have a problem step outside of yourself, be the outside oberserver and observe your usual reaction…what does it tell you?

Which one are you and can you relate to one of those two persona’s?

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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Michelle

Hi Amit,

I will have to think more about this. I thought I was pretty well balanced….but then when I read the sentence “The world does not end when something bad happens to you.” I though: Are You Sure About That?!?! I was laughing as I thought it, but I *did* have the thought so that “into” must be there in my subconscious somewhere…..hmmmmmm.

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2 Mital

I used to be a Exo and realized that it wasn’t working for me. I wanted to help people, but I realized I couldn’t just help others, I also needed to help myself. I’ve got a good balance of both. Great article Amit, something I’ve been aware of but never really dug into it.:-D

p. s. You’ve got me hooked on your blog buddy!

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3 Amit

Michelle – Heheheh oh dear, have I added some confusion in there? I apologise if I have or otherwise I hope you find the source and manage to eliminate it! :D

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4 Amit

Hey Mital,

Me too, I’m in the process of trying to redress that balance about me also. I’m too much of an “Exo” and I do neglect the “Into” part of me sometimes. There are days when I completely swtich and become an INTO though and I find it’s on those days that I feel the most heavy!

Awwww I’m truly so happy that you’re enjoying the blog! :D

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5 Michelle

Hi Amit,

I believe the source of this “into-ness” is my octagon house. I think I mentioned somewhere before that it was my intention to manifest an octagon house where I could live and operate an alternative health-care center (I think it was Kavikim who wanted to rent an office with me). I even went so far as to write out a contract with the universe detailing what I wanted, and the delivery date: June 21, 2007!!! LOL

Well, the octagon house has appeared along with 11.6 acres of land, a couple of ponds (one with fish!), and more. Even the price is right, and the location is just about perfect.

One hiccup (I want to avoid the word “problem” lest I cause a few!) is that the property is zoned for Exclusive Farming; the real estate agent is going to try to find out if I can have a center there anyway. The other hiccup is that I’m not really prepared for this now….I sort of wish we had found it next April when I’ll be in a better position to act.

The dilemma is: what to do when the universe fulfills the contract before you are ready to take delivery? Send it a new calendar??? ;-)

So, yes, if anything about the acquistion of this house/property goes wrong before/during/after the process, the world will definitely come to a complete and sudden halt!!! :-) LOL :-)

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6 Michelle

P.S. I got the idea for writing a contract with the universe after reading your post from July 28 (“It’s amazing how it works”) and researching Cosmic Ordering. :-)

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7 Amit

:-O Woah! That’s some powerful ordering michelle! I will come back and reply to your post more thoroughly shortly! :D

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8 Michelle

Hi Amit,

I did other things, too, to mainfest it. I have a floor plan and exterior drawings for an octagon house (I don’t know if the real house matches the floor plan, though). I took the drawings of the front & back of the house, printed all of it, actually colored the drawings of the exteriors so it woulld look more realistic, cut them out and taped them to the floor plan so they stand up just like walls would…got this whole 3-dimentional thing going. I also pasted a picture of me in a Chinese garden in the center of the house. I placed one of these near my computer so I could see it (several hours a day!), and another in the living room where I spent a lot of time. That one was in front of a little arrangement I had of a water fountain and the Chinese gods of happiness, prosperity, and longevity. The water fountain has spaces for candles, and I burned a candle every day. All toward the manifestation. Maybe I should have toned it down a little! LOL

Here is the fountain:
http://msmoviesmusic.blogspot.com/2006/10/tealight-pillar-water-fountain.html
and I had the little statues of the gods in the upper spaces where the candles are, and burned a candle just in the lower area in the front.

So……looking forward to your reply! :-)

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9 Amit

Like I said…I think the only thing that sums that up is “WOAH”

That’s incredible Michelle…It truly is a dilemma but I do believe something very strongly and that is that even if you are not ready to take delivery now, and even if you decide to pass up on this offer, if you still intend for more of this, another one will find it’s way to you! :)

I love those little in-home fountains and I really want to get one, or should I say, intend one!

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10 Schumi

In despair …..what to say?

As I sit alone in the moonlight
I begin to reminisce the times we spent
The anguish and the anger make me want to fight
But then I think of what was and what could have been ….what could have been but it just went away….what to say?

The weight of breaths is getting heavier
and it is becoming more difficult to bear what to say
Before you things were just what they were
the sky just a place for the stars and the moon, a road just a road
a glass of wine was no more than a glass of wine
What to say of the birds that used to fly for miles
and now are trapped in a cage just flapping their wings
As for the sky, the road, the cup of wine
one was my tear-drenched scarf
the other an aching nerve
the third a mirror that never reflected the same thing
Here I am restless talking to the stars
there the whole world sleeps in bliss what to say
I didn’t get the meaning of love in words, now I am searching in the air
Hearing this even the breeze turned away its flow, was this love so bad…..what to say
And now such is my condition that neither you nor your thoughts exist
I have no aspirations, no destination, no love, no hope what to say

I am in darkness and my life seems wasted forever
O my soul mate without you I will be lost in desolation
I have embraced all the sorrows of the world and will die in this loneliness…..what to say?

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11 candle

Out getting ideas for my new blog and boy am I suprised at all the different themes, styles, colors, etc… I like what I see here. I’ll keep looking tho for more ideas. Thanks.

Aaron

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12 Online Dating Sites

Interesting, and yes. I agree.

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13 Use Keyword Here

Personally, I never use more than a single link in the comment I post because doing so can trigger spam catchers if the user has that plugin activated, whereas a single link will not.

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