Video – Are You Still Doing Things To Make People ‘Like’ You?

by Amit Sodha

in Personal Growth

Getting People To Like You

Are you still doing things to make people like you? Have you ever considered why want to make people like you? We all want some level of acceptance and, to a degree, love. But, people pleasing is dangerous and I’ve created a video to explain why.

A good example of this is when people say ‘yes’ to something, when they know deep down they should be saying ‘no’, but they don’t want to for the fear of not being accepted; even if it means a huge inconvenience to the self.

Before I go any further I just want to thank Marianne of Free Range Humans for being the inspiration for this post. We met last week and went to Paul A Youngs chocolate shop and had a hot chocolate…with hot chilli! (Mmmm yummy!) We talked about our interactions in social situations and that got me thinking about this entire concept of people pleasing.

It primarily stems from caring about what people think about us and how it makes us feel. When you please someone you might feel good. But that fragile acceptance can be broken easily. The freedom of letting that all go far outweighs the temporary pleasure of being liked. The liberation you feel from not caring about the response of others is one of the most uplifting things I’ve done in recent years. You have to learn when to let that all go and when to let people go.

Without further ado, here’s my video with reasons on why it’s time to drop the mindset of making people to like you. I would like to apologise in advance for chopping off my gorgeous feathered hair off the video. I’m new to the video blogging scene and will rectify it for the next one.

Photo credit – Carbonnyc

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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Phil - Less Ordinary Living
Twitter: lessordinaryli

Amit -

Great to see you in the flesh. People pleasing is such a tempting thing to do. We all love attention and like to try and get others to make us happy. When we get more aware of our actions and what is driving them, we can start to act authentically in every situation. Thanks for sharing,

Phil
.-= New at Phil – Less Ordinary Living’s blog ..The Five Secrets to Finding Work that Matters =-.

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2 Amit Sodha
Twitter: amitsodha

Well said Phil. It goes much deeper than I spoke about too but it’s a great starting point to become aware of it and start letting it go.

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3 Milan Bakrania

People do so much to fit in almost like lost sheep looking for acceptance. People pleasing is just one of many such traits. I agree…just let it all go and accept yourself. Nothing else matters as long as you know what is true to you, even acceptance by your peers and colleagues. Excellent article!

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4 Amit Sodha
Twitter: amitsodha

It’s funny that you mentioned the word sheep as that I was on my mind and one of the things that sparked this article in that I was seeing people just behave like sheep and that to me is soul destroying.

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5 Travis

As much as I hate to admit it, I went YEARS of my life trying to please others, even when I knew it didn’t identify with my true ideas. Even to this day difficulties can arise, as you become so focused on wanting somebody to “like” you, that you have to take a step back and think about who’s really doing the speaking here; you, or an ambassador of yourself? It’s easy to send an ambassador of yourself instead of the REAL you because you want people to think you’re more than you really are, even if it’s not a relationship work having.

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6 Amit Sodha
Twitter: amitsodha

I think we all hate to admit it when the awareness first strikes but I think ultimately, in the grand scheme, there are many worse things, but the liberation associated with letting that thought go is just so empowering.

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7 J.D. Meier

One of the best techniques I know for figuring out why you do what you do, is the Golden Circle. It’s a leadership tool, but it’s really effective for anyone to figure out their Why and How.
.-= New at J.D. Meier’s blog ..Lessons Learned from Seth Godin =-.

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8 Amit Sodha
Twitter: amitsodha

That new to me JD so I will check it out. Thanks.

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9 Raj@ The Positive Life

Hi Amit,

I do believe there is no point trying to sacrifice what you want to do in order to become a people pleasing personality. If one keeps doing so, in the long run, internal happiness vanishes.

Its best to follow your own dreams, on the way, you will find like minded people on your journey

but still, it cant be completely ingnored as well, coz human being is a social animal, we need to do things to please other people. I believe maintaining a balance is whats required.
.-= New at Raj@ The Positive Life’s blog ..7 Secrets of Success =-.

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10 Amit Sodha
Twitter: amitsodha

Absolutely Raj, you are spot on dude and that pretty much ties in with everything I said. This topic does actually go much deeper and I’ve only so far just skimmed the surface.

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11 Baker

I enjoyed the video. It almost seems as though the real thing that is keeping us all from being and doing what we really want is the ego’s constant chatter. THe ego percieves people not liking us if we do something we feel is true for ourselves, but what if they aren’t even really thinking that? But, if they are, then I think the desire for that feeling of freedom kicks in. If we desire that freedom from our heart and mind for ourselves we must start operating from our true selves without that extra worry feeling that comes along sometimes of how others will percieve it. Excellent message here.

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12 Amit Sodha
Twitter: amitsodha

Thank you baker and I’m glad the message resonated with you.

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13 rob white

Hi Amit,
Great video blog and a wonderful subject here. It is so important to follow your heart and please yourself. I know so many people who get caught up in the game of trying to look good and get approval. It is no way to go through life. This is why we admire Musicians, Movie Stars Etc. They were all able to breakthrough those barriers and get to their Authentic Selves. People experience a lot of resistance along the way but we exalt those who persevere.
Blessings,
rob

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14 Amit Sodha
Twitter: amitsodha

Hi Rob, Thanks for commenting and you made a good point about our admiration of celebs. Those who make it easy often don’t appreciate it and they are the ones who fall off the path and do some not so good things. Those who persist and work through the resistance always appreciate the achievements. Thanks again for sharing.

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15 Zengirl @ heart and mind

Amit,

I think most of are people pleasing, when it obstruct who you are that is when problem becomes serious. Knowing one’s values and priorities will help. I still have hard time saying no to a few close friends and family but working on improvement.
.-= New at Zengirl @ heart and mind’s blog ..How to find your core values : Part 1 =-.

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16 Amit Sodha
Twitter: amitsodha

Hey Zengirl, the big reason of course is…why? I do strongly believe it’s because we care about what others think about us. In your example it’s about caring that you’ve let other people down, that’s not a bad thing, but caring at what cost? To your detriment? So long as it’s not then it’s fine.

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17 Ralph

Great post! Trying to please everyone IS the direct route to failure. I was listening the an MIT lecture by the CEO of Cisco Systems John Chamblers. At the beginning of the talk he said,

“If you’ve agreed with everything that I’ve said at the end of this lecture then I’ve failed miserably.”

What he wanted was the audience to challenge him and what he was saying. That is where real growth is and that is how you earn respect.

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18 Amit Sodha
Twitter: amitsodha

Hey Ralph, wow that’s an awesome quote by John Camblers, I’m going to add that to my quotes page! What a superb message too, I think I’m going to have to use that line in the future! :-)

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19 amanda@choosing-life-my-way.com

I really like this post on people pleasing. It is such a trap that many of us fall into and can be a tough habit to break.

Kudos to you for the use of a different medium, and look forward to seeing more of the lovely hairstyle next time ;)

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20 Amit Sodha
Twitter: amitsodha

Hey Amanda, so glad you enjoyed and yep next time I’ll be sure to show off more of my hair! :-)

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21 Arvind Devalia

Amit, great video and wonderful intiative to use a different medium!

Firstly, folks I can reassure you all that Amit does have a lovely hairstyle and lush hair:-)

As for your article, a wise person once said to me – “If you say YES to everything, what’s you No worth?”

The more you say NO to others, more they respect and value your time.

I used to be a classic people pleaser, but not any more.

I have this friend who really means well but occasionally calls me out of the blue and expects me to drop everything whilst I listen to all the drame of her life! For a while I used to listen to her at length but now tell her that I simply can’t talk at that time. She’s got the message now and is much more considerate of my space and time.

At times, it’s okay to be a people pleasser – depends on the circumstances – and we just have to be selective.
.-= New at Arvind Devalia’s blog ..6 Secrets to Becoming More Persistent =-.

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22 Amit Sodha
Twitter: amitsodha

Firstly thanks for your comments on my hair….glad to know that the time I take on my appearance is appreciated! LOL

Secondly the story you shared is one I can relate too only too well; as I’m sure others can to. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, a quote from the book ‘The YES Man’ by Danny Wallace where he says maybe saying no to others is saying Yes to the self!

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