Flirting is Good For The Soul

by Amit Sodha on April 22, 2009

in Relationships

Flirting

There are a few things in life that give me that me that extra bounce in my step: A huge pay rise; when a stranger pays me a compliment; knowing I’ve just survived a drive-by shooting…you know, the usual kind of stuff.

There is one thing I love doing that gives me that extra bounce and that’s having a good flirting session with a beautiful woman! I think flirting is great for the soul and I encourage more people to do it regardless of whether you have a girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse or even if you’ve just started dating!

I’ve been in relationships before and I’ve continued to flirt with women. My intention is not to necessarily pull or get the girl but I know that women enjoy the flirting just as much as I do and it’s just good fun!

Insecurity & Jealousy

I’ve seen couples get jealous at one another for their spouse flirting. That’s never made sense to me. Jealously is nothing other than a sign of distrust and insecurity. If you’re with your partner then a core part of that relationship is trust. If you feel you can’t trust them then maybe that relationship isn’t for you?!

As for insecurity that’s a personal issue that you will have to deal with on your own. There’s been times when I’ve dated good looking women and other men will stare at or even chat up the woman I’m with. What do I have to worry about? As far as I’m concerned, absolutely nothing! She’s a grown woman and can make her own decisions about who she wants to be with. I am not her owner and she doesn’t belong to me. If she meets someone who she feels she is better suited to then more power to them both. It might be a tiny bit upsetting in the beginning but usually within 24hours I’m ready to put myself back out there and just carry on having fun!

For me flirting and dating is all about having fun without the weight of any expectations of what it might lead to. It’s about being adventurous and having some playful banter. It’s about letting yourself go, telling stories, making other people laugh! It’s all about connecting with other people and maybe having some romance and intimacy!

Feeling Shy?

If you’re the kind of guy who’s always been to shy to approach women then you need to alter your approach. From personal experience I can say that the direct approach never works that well. A playful encounter is always the best way to go. I’ll talk more later about ways you can do that but if you’ve felt uncomfortable and nervous then there is one cure plain and simple; practice! The more you do it, the more you’ve overcome it!

Flirting Tips

(All of these can be applied to both men and women!)

1. The most important tip is don’t take it all too seriously! Don’t worry if you have the odd bad experience here or there. It’s happens. Just learn from it and move onto the next!

2. Girls love for the attention to be on them but it’s the way you do it. The best way is teasing them and playfully making fun of them. I call it being cheekily charming. Again, from my experience, I’ve never found a better way of sparking some chemistry with a woman!

3. Speed dating is a great way to practice your flirting! I’ve been twice now and I’ve always had a fantastic time and at worst case scenario just made some really cool friends. I went with some other guys who were good with women and I picked up some great techniques on keeping the conversation going and great conversation starters!

4. I’m not personally a fan of the direct approach whereby I go up to a woman and say “Hi, My name is Amit, what’s yours?” It’s never worked for me but I have seen other guys make it work for them. I think pick up lines are a better way to go so long as they’re not too cheesy or corny! The best approach by far though is either comment on something they’re wearing or doing, or, ask for a woman’s opinion on something!

5. If you approach the person while you’re nervous and sweaty, you’re going to feel self conscious about it! Try and give yourself a bit of composure time and then just go for it! Don’t wait too long though! I’ve done that on certain occasions and by the time I was ready they were already gone!

6. Learn to feel confident in walking away. What I mean is if the conversation isn’t going well, don’t worry! Just say “it’s been a pleasure” then walk away! It’s not always going to work out perfectly so don’t expect it to.

7. Meeting up at a coffee shop is a great way to kick off a first date! It’s a neutral place, there’s lots going on and you’re not spending too much money on a first date. It’s a great place to get to know each other and then start with the flirting! Toss in the odd innuendo, tease her, make fun of her, have a play fight, thumb wrestle, pretty much anything goes so long as you’re both having fun!

8. Friends make great flirting buddies! Flirt with your friends and get good by practising that way! Just by having fun other people get attracted to your company and want to be around you! Don’t play the part of the sad loser who’s had a miserable love life! Get over yourself and learn to have some fun!

9. Experiment with different approaches and see what works for you. I actually find approaching a group better and easier than approaching an individual as you can have fun as a group and you don’t get as many awkward silences. Even if you with just one person and you have that moment of silence…don’t feel awkward by it. Just let is pass naturally and you’ll both naturally find the next topic of conversation or something to break the ice again.

10. Don’t be afraid to make a fool out of yourself! I was out one night and there was this group of girls who were out on a hen night and they were all wearing bunny ears! I went up to them and asked on of them if I could try on the bunny ears. I looked like a total dork but it got them laughing and I had a great time!

If you want to take things to the next level and start dating then I recommend reading this.

I was walking to my car the other day and there was a really attractive woman walking in the same direction as me but she was ahead of me. I decided to pick up my pace to catch up to her. She was pulling along a huge empty suitcase and I decided that was going to be my way of breaking the ice. I pulled alongside her and I said “you got a dead body in there or something?” She laughed and smiled…I may later reveal one day what happened next! ;-)

Happy flirting!

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Kartikey April 22, 2009 at 7:17 pm

Yes, do reveal what happened next.
Very well-written, Amit. I am using the direct approach.

Reply

2 Amit Sodha
Twitter:
April 23, 2009 at 11:39 am

Thanks K! Maybe the reason I’m not revealing is because the story isn’t over yet! ;-)

Tell me a bit about your direct approach? How has it worked for you so far?

A

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3 amie sugat
Twitter:
July 27, 2010 at 8:02 pm

Awesome info, I really should learn how to flirt. I might have more success….

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4 Amit Sodha
Twitter:
July 27, 2010 at 10:31 pm

It’s a good skill to have and you can use any time. It’s good for building relationships of a non romantic nature too! :-D

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5 Arvind Devalia July 27, 2010 at 8:46 pm

Hi Amit,

I just found this old post of yours on StumbleUpon! So SU really works:-)

Happy flilrting.

PS I have to keep this short as I am off to practice my flirting – watch this space!

Arvind
New at Arvind Devalia\’s [type] ..The Day I had Breakfast with a Really Simple Man

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6 Amit Sodha
Twitter:
July 27, 2010 at 10:32 pm

Haha awesome let me know how your flirting session goes!

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7 Rina July 23, 2011 at 11:44 pm

Is there a term for this kind of flirting? Does anyone know? I truely believe that flirting to show appreciation towards others (letting someone know you find them physically attractive) without neccessarily encouraging sexual relations is very healthy…. but is there a term for this? Would be great to have a word to describe it… so that you could say : I’m a ______ist!

Reply

8 Amit Sodha
Twitter:
July 24, 2011 at 11:18 pm

Hey Rina,

Perhaps we could collaborate and together come up with a term that does sum it up…

How about FRIRTING – Short for friendly flirting….Or CHIRTING short for charming fliriting…

Any ideas??

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