Do You Feel More Lonely Than Ever?

by Amit Sodha

in Relationships

Lonely

In my last article I talked about keeping in touch with people. Another complaint I hear often from friends and coaching clients is that, despite there being so many means of communication, they feel more lonely than ever.

In this day and age of mass media everyone wants to become a superstar, They want to get noticed and be in the limelight.

You know what they say about fame right? It’s the most lonely profession of all.

In our quest for recognition it can become all too easy to forget about other people and pay attention the the subtle signs that maybe all they need is an ear.

Because of all this mass communication something that has been lost in our ability to communicate more clearly. The kind of subtle and deep communication that we perhaps had 20 years ago when we weren’t so engrossed in all this easy access entertainment.

If you’re one of those people who may have neglected their friends. Notice the subtle signs that maybe they’re going through a tough time.

Here’s some things to look out for.

1. They’ve gone quiet and shut themselves away.
2. They removed friends or closed their Facebook account.
3. They respond with short messages or short statements.

If you’re on the other side and you’re the one who’s feeling lonely and you’re reading this right now, your loneliness stems from feeling low self-worth.

Somewhere along the line you’ve convinced yourself that you’re not worthy of time and attention from your friends. Perhaps you may even feel that you suffering because it’s in your destiny or karma.

You are worthy of love, time and friendship and feeling sorry for yourself will not help your situation. In fact, if anything it makes people feel more like they want to stay away from you.

You have to find a way of becoming like a product in demand. When your self value changes, people will naturally want to be around you. Then you’ll have the opposite problem where you’ll want some time to yourself. (A nicer problem to have in my opinion!) ;-)

Here’s some quick ways to stop feeling lonely.

1. Change the way you see and value yourself.
2. Become more proactive and don’t just make friends, create NETWORKS.
3. Pamper yourself frequently to remind yourself that you are worth it! (No L’oreal advertising here I promise!)

You will never have the loneliness issue again if you can master two things. i) The way you value yourself and the way you present yourself to others. ii) Mastering the way others perceive you.

The feeling of loneliness is all in your head. It’s not because people don’t love or care about you, it’s because YOU BELIEVE they don’t. When you change those beliefs the loneliness will evaporate very quickly.

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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Martin Cooney

Definitely Amit.
Loving yourself is foundational to feeling worthy and projecting that outwardly. I think there is also today’s short ‘status update’ mentality that others become quickly uninterested too.

A lot of one’s own self image issues are entirely in their heads thou and that can be tough to overcome until they realize it – that often never happens.

What do you think of the ‘status update’ mentality though?
New at Martin Cooney\’s blog post ..I Love Her But I Don’t Want To Be With Her

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2 Amit Sodha

Hi Martin, Thank you so much for the comment. Actually I’m not sure about the ‘short status update’. has had as much of an impact, like twitter, as say something like facebook.

I genuinely feel it’s more to do with the fact that we just have so many ways of staying in touch the people are feeling overwhelmed.

I remember, for example, when gmail chat first came out, I enjoyed it but then after a while I began to switch it off because I wasn’t too keen to have constant contact with people because then when we finally did meet it was like we had nothing left to talk about.

There’s something about space and distance which creates that fondness that makes me long for people. Like the old saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder”

What do you think?

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3 Troon North

I don’t really like speaking about this, but I had similar experiences. I stayed at home a lot and despite my young age I barely went out. Thank god I had a girlfriend who supported me and in the end I started to get more and more motivated and then everything just got better!
New at Troon North\’s blog post ..$569,900 :: 9507 E Balancing Rock Road, Scottsdale AZ, 85262

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4 Amit Sodha

Hi There,

Thanks for sharing, I’m glad your situation improved. Loneliness is never an easy thing to deal with but so glad you overcame! :-))

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5 Cleaus

Hey Amit :) Have you seen this? Are you involved with these meditations to bring the world back to its natural 13:20 synchronised time realised by the Mayans for the good of humanity and our mother earth?

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6 Amit Sodha

Nope but thank you for the heads up, I’ll check them out! :-)

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7 Hiten

Hi Amit,

This was a great post and you highlighted some excellent points. I agree, loneliness does stem from a strong self-worth aspect. Indeed, I’ve experienced the same in my life. However, as you said, working on your inner self can solve this. If one walks around acting like they are worth a million pounds, then very soon this will project onto others and people will gravitate and want to know more about the individual.
New at Hiten\’s blog post ..I thank you

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8 Amit Sodha

Hi Hiten,

Thank you so much for the comment. Absolutely. It’s something I’ve experienced even more so lately. In fact, I was in the opposite boat, I was getting too much attention so I had to tone things down a bit and strike the right balance :P

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9 Haber

A lot of one’s own self image issues are entirely in their heads thou and that can be tough to overcome until they realize it – that often never happens.

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10 Amit Sodha

Hi Haber thank you so much for the comment. Absolutely!

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11 Chris Akins

There is a huge difference between communicating and connecting. There are loads of ways to communicate with each other today, but many of these ways are barriers to actually connecting. I think that is one of the main reasons why so many people feel alone these days…. a lack of deep connections with others.

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12 Amit Sodha

Hi Chris, thank you so much for the comment, how would you distinguish the difference between communicating and connecting?

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13 Melanie

Hi Amit,

I find it so hard to maintain ties with many of my old friends. It’s not that I don’t want to, but it seems that it’s always a one-way street with my friends. It’s always me having to do the contacting and planning… It gets tiresome. I do value myself, it’s for this reason that I stop making attempts with people pretty quickly, but admittedly, it does get a bit lonely this way.

Mel
New at Melanie\’s blog post ..Weekend Getaways from Chicago – Within Driving Distance

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14 Amit Sodha

Hey Melanie, thanks for your honest reply. Do you find that in those instances where you kept in touch with those old friends, where you were reaching out, that you were asking more about them? They weren’t asking as much about you or taking an interest in your life?

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