What Women Want: Gentlemen Take Note…

by Amit Sodha

in Relationships

Women

I’ve spent a great deal of time recently with single ladies gathering intelligence and finding out what it is they looking for when it comes to relationships. I even ran a seminar a large group of single ladies to set them off in a new paradigm in their quest to find a soul-mate. One thing I’ve discovered is that I really enjoy working with women as they absorb things like a sponge and are really open to new ideas.

I’ve also spent a great deal of time, in the past, as a single fella and it gave me the chance to really explore the things that create attraction in women and to truly experiment with flirting.

Along the road, I made many mistakes and I’m sure there even may be one or two women out there thinking: ‘But Amit, you were a jerk to me’! Yes, I know! I apologise that you were one of my test subjects in me finding out about myself and discovering all the secrets of flirting and dating.

I learned many techniques and tried many of them out and eventually I turned full circle, and realised that I didn’t need any techniques, I just become so comfortable being me, that women found that charm and self belief irresistible.

That is where most people fail as most people end up either putting up a facade, or get extremely nervous and then they fail to truly express who they are. Nerves can make people behave erratically, say odd things, sweat, feel uncomfortable etc.

After going on so many dates I slowly lost the fear of rejection and feeling nervous. And when I let those two things go, magic started to happen.

I arranged a dating workshop for some of my single male friends, but it didn’t drum up enough interest for me to take it forward. I truly wish it did as there are just a few simple tweaks every guy could make to their dating repertoire, to make it more fun, and to make themselves irresistible.

I wasn’t sure if it was the group I invited, or the way I advertised the event to them, and so that is something I still need to understand better and learn.

However, I really wish they took me up on my offer, as there just some really simple things they could tweak to make themselves more attractive and to have more enjoyable experiences.

I want to make this point very clear, it’s not about changing who you are. It’s not about using tricks and cheap lines to get a woman into bed. It’s about becoming totally clear in who you are and allowing the woman to see the real you.

We all have a different goal when it comes to relationships and dating. For some, it could be just to have some fun; for others it could be to find a soul-mate or ‘the one’.

Before you begin, get clear about what you want. However, if you’re not sure, then just enjoy the dating process.

I know that some people enjoy being single and others aren’t looking. I went through a phase where I loved being single and so I can tell the difference between the ones who love it and the ones who are in denial. They say they like being single but then they feel down when they see couples. That is two very different signals. When I was single, I felt sorry for couples because I was having so much fun.

My goal was simple, find a soul-mate and have lots of fun on the way there. My journey was filled with lots of heartache too, but I’m so glad I went through every single thing I did because it all culminated in me meeting my fiancée and being where I am today.

The single biggest complaint, from all the single ladies I’ve worked with recently, has been that men simply were not being men.

I know there are two sides to each story, but if I were to take all the stories that the single ladies have been telling me as face value, then are a few very specific things I wanted to address.

Lastly, before I proceed, my experience is primarily with heterosexual relationships. I know some of these things would apply to finding a gay partner too but, since I have no experience with that relationship dynamic, it’s difficult for me to say with absolute certainty.

So lets take a closer look at some of the things that men need to know, about what women want.

1. Certainty.

Women are instantly attracted to a man with a very clear path. A guy with a plan is always a hit with the ladies.

2. Playfulness

A man needs to understand that a woman finds playfulness and teasing incredibly attractive. I playfully make fun of my fiancee all the time which leads to the gentle flirtatious hitting…and that’s always a good thing!

3. Confidence

A deeply misunderstood concept; to me confidence is being totally comfortable in your own skin. It’s innate, and if nerves mask who you are, nothing will change that quicker than practice.

4. Mystery

Don’t reveal too much about yourself too soon. Sure, let a woman get to know you, and let her find out some things organically. The bits she finds out, will make you more interesting in her eyes and will make her feel more attracted to you.

5. Decision making

This is a huge one! Men have forgotten how to make decisions and YES IT STILL IS UP TO THE MAN! Guys, get with the program! Decide the venue, time, location, for the date. To illustrate: “I know a great place that does the best hot chocolate in anywhere, are you a fan of hot chocolate?” “Yes” “Perfect, lets say 6pm, Friday, and if you’re good, you may even get a cookie!”

Nothing turns a woman off more than a man who’s indecisive.

6. Stability.

A woman also finds a man who is emotionally stable irresistible. That’s not to say you can’t show your emotions once in a while; but I would define it as emotional maturity.

7. Conversation

Conversing with people you know is easy, where most people struggle is the cold open. For this, there are three core ways to go. i) Have canned stories ready to tell, in the same way that a comedian has rehearsed material. ii) Completely allow yourself to go and talk about the first thing that comes to mind. iii) Talk about the fact that sometimes you don’t know what to talk about, and ask the woman what do you say when you don’t know what to say?

8. Being Centered

Lastly, nothing will turn a woman on more than a man who is centered and has self belief.

Ladies, I’d love to hear your additional thoughts on this.

Gentlemen, has this been helpful to you?

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

1 skittles234

Woo!! Love this article!! Some very interesting points you’ve raised here dude especially when it comes to confidence in approaching people, making decisions, starting a convo, etc.

Thing is, women are a lot more stronger emotionally and intellectually these days which is what I’ve noticed most men are intimidated by… Ironically it is because of this trait that women are sometimes compelled to make the first move….

Bottom line is: be YOU. Be, do not become

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2 Amit Sodha

Hey Skittles, eloquently put! :-) x

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3 skittles234

Also I completely agree with your point about emotional stability/security. From a woman’s perspective, it’s absolutely fine for a guy to display a certain degree of emotion whether it’s laughter, sorrow, joy or anger. But anything excessive is never good for either party concerned :-)

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4 Amit Sodha

Indeed, any time I’ve let my emotions get the better of me, where relationships are concerned, it has never yielded good results.

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5 sprogy

In my experience the best thing to do is to arouse as wide rang of emotion in a woman as possible. You need to learn how to push the borders while knowing your limits. :) You can come off as cocky but it needs to be in a funny way, you need to be able to come off as really serious even if you just made fun of her. You need to know how to make her laugh and how to make her mad at you. Think about ways to surprise her. And once you get her, DO NOT start to behave differently. Make it your mission in life to keep improving the quality of life of one lucky lady. Or more, as long as they don’t mind. :)

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6 Amit Sodha

Cheeky charm or cocky comedy, always an awesome way to go…

Thank you so much for your input and comment sprogy! :-)

~Amit

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7 skittles234

erm… sprogy, why would u want to know how to make women mad at u?

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8 Amit Sodha

He basically means doing the sort of humour that makes the woman want to playfully hit the man. ;-)

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